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Posts by QWERTY1995
Joined: Dec 29, 2012
Last Post: Dec 30, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  

Displayed posts: 11
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QWERTY1995   
Dec 30, 2012
Essays / How to write a common app / essay about faith and religious topics? [5]

Topic is about how i lived in the shadow of a religion and broke free. I know that religious writing is tough and should be avoided but the topic is important to me and i want to try a draft of it. what should I avoid doing and what things should I try to do?
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / I like physics very much.; Colombia App; why engineering ? [2]

Disregarding grammatical errors,
The essay does not flow. Some parts don't make sense and/or are very weak sentences. (ex. .I love to have a dirty hand. ). I suggest you go through sentence by sentence and figure the problems, reading it out loud may help) In terms of content,I think the essay has potential but only if you make it more personal. Don't just say you love to do this and love to build motors, prove it on paper. Good luck.
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Interest in Bio; Cornell Sup - College of Art and Sciences [8]

My advice is that oftentimes first paragraphs of roughdrafts are not needed. Don't spend too much time introducing the background because it takes away attention from the main purpose of the essay. I like the background stuff but shorten it.

also

While introspecting for this essay, I didn't know how to start.

I don't think you need that sentence.

Just like any tealeaf-picker plucks the best tealeaves from a plant, in the same way, I plucked the biological sciences

Kind of awkward.. I would omit it and figure out a shorter more effective way to say the rest of the sentence.
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Dream of becoming a CMU Tartan; Carnegie Mellon Application: Why Carnegie Mellon [4]

^ yes if it can bring clarity to your "interest" in economics. Just answer the prompt. I would take out all the "world class education" stuff and anything that is too sucking up because it reads that way. Just focus on the prompt: why CMU is a good fit (not things they already know but a fit for you),"reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know(not useless but stuff that actually support the rest of your essay)."
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / "dream big"; YALE Supp _ Why Yale ? [8]

Ditto to everything LillyCullen mentioned. I think it should be very specific. Argg..I'm having trouble with the why yale statement too..I hate that 500 character limit since there's only room for like 1 thing, but I guess that's all they want.
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Academic opportunities;Yale Symphony Orchestra; Why Yale? [4]

Note- characters pretty much maxed out, rough draft

I want to attend Yale because of its academic opportunities and also the Yale Symphony Orchestra.YSO enables me to continue music while I pursue other academic interests.One of my friends from highschool performs in YSO.He and I are similar cases.He told me that he chose Yale rather than a conservatory because Yale's 2-in-1 aspect was simply the best fit for students like him.I agree. No other school that I have researched gives me the opportunities in both academics and music that Yale does.
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Old Man and The Sea / Columbia University supp/ Meaningful book [8]

Whenever I think of excellence in education Columbia comes to my mind.Also whenever I think about the best among the best Columbia comes to my mind.My education would not be complete without me having a chance to go to the great Columbia University.

Too generic. Those sentences are weak in that 1. you are telling them what they already know. and 2. "best among the best Columbia comes to my mind" and "education would not be complete without me having a chance to go to the great " is sucking up too much and sounds shallow.

Good Luck!
QWERTY1995   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Some live intellectually stagnant lives; Stanford Sup- What Matters and why? [5]

Note- This is a rough draft and it was tough finding something to write about but here goes. Tear it apart, please.

So many people live intellectually stagnant lives. I look around today and see people who are worked to death. Their learning stopped prematurely. They are living just to live. There is nothing more, nothing deeper. I want contribute to society and impact the world. I still want to make something out of my life that is not just trite, lest I get caught into a mundane routine lifestyle. That is why my biggest fear is that I will leave this world without leaving proof that my life was meaningful. I do not want to be like an insignificant breeze, passing through life without doing much. I remember watching Conan O'Brien's NBC Late Night Show farewell and Conan said that "nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." There is a lot to take from that. I agree with that statement and I try to make the most of my life. I remember watching a youtube video of a high school teacher giving a speech at a high school graduation. To the seniors, he said "you are not special". This speech reminded me of a satirical internet meme, which pitted age versus expectations. Understandably, the expectation dropped dramatically for middle aged adults. As a high school senior, I am part of America's wishful youth. Our expectations are high. I think that it is okay to have somewhat naively optimistic hopes. After all, the few people in the world that are able to do what they want all had those naively optimistic dreams and goals. I do not know what I want to accomplish yet, but I do know that I want to do something that will make my existence meaningful. That is what matters to me the most.
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