Writing Feedback / People are not allowed to smoke in many public places? Good rule or bad rule? [4]

Hi I need your help again with a toefl essay. Please give me some feedback about grammar and also the content. I appreciate your help!

In some countries , people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.

People have the right to decide over their own life and thus have the right to smoke if they want to. However, as smokers have the right to smoke, other people have the right to not smoke or be forced to. Hence I think it is a good rule that some countries prohibit people to smoke in public areas. As a result, other people, who choose not to smoke, don't have to inhale the toxic "cloud" coming from cigarettes. Better yet, the rule may make smokers to reduce their smoking habits and create better images for the working places which have smokers as employees.

Smokers think that when they smoke outside a building the smoke won't come in to the building but unfortunately it does. My mom used to smoke in our balcony and I and my sister who sat the house could still feel the smoke coming from the balcony every time she smoked. Thus people who choose to not smoke still have to inhale the toxic smoke when smokers are smoking around public areas. This affects not only the people who are in buildings but also people who walk by.

By have a rule to prohibit people smoke around public areas makes smokers have to walk a long way to have a smoke. Hence, this can make smokers to reduce their smoking habits because many smokers won't want to walk a long way just for a cigarette, especially in winter when it is cold outside.

What do you think when you see teachers in a school where your child will begin at smoke around the school's area? Exactly, smokers not only harm people around them but also destroy the image of the workplaces they work for. Parents won't want to their children to begin at a school there the children can see their teachers who they looking up for smoke and in turn, copy that bad behavior. In some countries, people can have negative pictures of companies that have employees who are smokers, especially if the employees are women.

Smokers are not allowed to smoke in public areas and I think all countries in the world should apply this rule. People who don't smoke won't have to worry about their lungs every time their co-workers or friends have a smoke. Furthermore, working places will look cleaner and better in the eyes of their customers, and smokers will have to reduce their smoking habits, which are bad for their health.

Writing Feedback / Is it more important to study history and literature than to study science and maths? [5]

Hi I've got another TOEFL essay. Please give me some feedback. I appreciate it a lot. Many thanks!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

In my opinion, it is at least as important for students to study science and mathematics as it is for them to study history and literatures. There a many jobs on the market that require science and mathematics knowledge. In addition, science and mathematics are practical in daily lives and give students knowledge to create a better future.

If students study science and mathematics it will help them in their working life. Almost all of the jobs nowadays require you to have knowledge about science and/or mathematics. You cannot build a house or a bridge without knowledge of science and/or mathematics. You will have difficulty working with a balance sheet if you don't have a good mathematics knowledge.

Furthermore, science and mathematics are everywhere in our daily lives. Therefore it is very practical to have knowledge about science and mathematics in our lives. Many people don't think about it but when you do such small things as cooking or reading a map, you are using science and mathematics. When you learn to drive a car, you are using science and mathematics.

Ten years ago people listen to cassette tapes in their car but now they listen to their smart phones that can contain thousands of songs in their car. This is thanks to science and mathematics. This shows how important it is to know science and mathematics if we want our lives in future to be simpler and better. Therefore, by studying science and mathematics students will be able to create a better future for the society.

History and literature are important subjects and so are science and mathematics. Science and mathematics will help students in both their working lives and daily lives, and help them to create a better future. Therefore I disagree with the statement that it is more import for student to study science and mathematics than it is for them to study history and literature.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Television & Movies influence our lives both negatively and positively [3]

Hi I'm going to take the TOEFL test and I wrote this essay in order to practice on my writing skills. I would appreciate it if you could give me some feedback. Thanks a lot!

How do television or movies influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

There is no doubt that television or movies influence people's behavior and they influence us in both bad ways and good ways. But I think in general television and movies influence our behavior in bad ways more than in good ways. They make people to eat more rubbish food, spend less time with their friends and family, and be someone that are not themselves.

There are a lot of people eating foods or snacks when they are watching television. Most of the foods they eat are fat foods like chips or pizzas. It is not rocket science to know that these foods are not good for people's health. Many companies know about this behavior and use advertisements on television to make people buy more of these foods. In turn, people will consume these rubbish foods more and we have to deal with a lot of fat diseases.

Television and movies also make people to spend more time on their couch than with their family and friends, especially children. They communicate less with their parents because a lot of their time is used watching television and movies. When people are watching television or movies together, they also talk less to each other, compare to when playing social games, such as parlor games, together.

Television and movies nowadays contain a lot of advertisements. These advertisements build ideal images that make people to feel bad about themselves and want to be more like these images. When people see beautiful women and men on the advertisements, they think that they are ugly. Thus they spend a lot of money to buy a lot of beauty products or go to gym to get better appearance or body. When a cool hero characters in a movie smokes and yet a lot of people like him, then people who idolize him may also begin to smoke although they don't prefer it.

I think television and movies are entertaining but most of the time they influence people's behavior in bad ways. If you want to stay healthy, be yourself and spend time with your family and friends, then you should spend less time watching these media.