Posts by PArachel

PArachel

Mar 14, 2013

Student Talk / Is it right to get your term assignments done by someone else? [11]

I think everyone would agree with this, to save you the suspense of others answers. The point of these essays and term papers, assigned by your professors, is to help the student expand their knowledge and skills (not for the amusement of your professors). Thus having someone else write your paper defeats this point. If you suspect people doing so, you could always confront this issue with your professor. Otherwise, one must simply deal with the fact that others will do this, but must also recognize that they are the ones who are truly winning in that they are learning.

PArachel

Mar 14, 2013

Dissertations / Advice on My Thesis Statement about Stem Cells [4]

No, you don't have to cite me. You typically don't cite your thesis anyways, considering it is your idea that you will be basing your paper on. Good luck!

PArachel

Mar 13, 2013

Dissertations / Advice on My Thesis Statement about Stem Cells [4]

Ok you need some serious rewording but you could make it pretty good from what you have.

Stem cell development will continue to outgrow controversy surrounding it because the benefits and new research are the keys to overcoming these obstacles.
How about...

Stem cell development continues to rapidly grow though research, which has elucidated its benefits and potential that hold the key to overcoming the controversy surrounding it.

I don't know..something of that manner. But you definitely do need to reword it.
Hope this helps

PArachel

Mar 13, 2013

Writing Feedback / GMAT AWA ; Common notion, workers are genreally apathetic about mgmt issues is false [4]

Hi very good so far!
You have a few grammar errors - reread it to catch them.
Some even take the opportunity of corporate events like seminars or marathons to let their corporate leaders know what they feel. --> clarify who "some" is

The management too, in their part, tries to include the workers in their decision processes --> reword this transition sentence
In most cases, in fact the worker's interest toward --> chose either in most cases or in fact, dont have both. Or reword to In fact, in most cases...

"problems, which they have faced" or change to "problems that they have faced"
these ~~above~~ reasons
But more often than not, these
And if the managements were to have serious discu.. --> reword this, don't start with and
I therefore conclude, that --> no comma

Overall good. The content is fine. You have a stable argument with good examples. Just fix a few things listed above and it should be great!

PArachel

Mar 12, 2013

Speeches / Possible Debate Subject and Presentation Topic; Need advice [5]

Well the recent laws passed on gun control would certainly last 8 minutes in debate (assuming no one else takes this topic). There are so many topics you could choose which could split an audience. You could take that first idea and do the general basis of limiting the rights of American citizens. Other ideas: gay marriage, NASA stopping space exploration, abortion, funding of abortion, the economy (is it getting better...so many topics could be on the economy, you'd have to narrow it down), the current furlough, etc. Hope this helps!

PArachel

Mar 12, 2013

Undergraduate / "To Seek Out: ; Transfer Reasons; Emerson/Common App [3]

Hey looks good so far. A few things (below) I would change. A few parts are a bit vague and thus cause confusion. The aspect of being afraid of college was brought about in the wrong place or without background. Are you afraid? And why? Explain. But good overall point for your essay!

A year ago I emptied my locker and walked out of a local [TV] station. Driving away, my eyes filled with tears. I had other jobs before, but my colleagues at [TV] were more than just co-workers; they were friends I had grown and learned from. I then joined a private firm, where I would be creating corporate and commercial videos. Excited by new challenges, I was proud that I was 'going places' with my skills and knowledge.

Recently, I was sitting in my cubicle after discussing details of a new graphic animation with my boss. I looked at my list of what? (I know what you mean but be more clear) , and noted what I knew how to do. I searched online, found, and worked through tutorials to achieve the effects I was not familiar with. For no apparent reason, I suddenly had an epiphany: learning at college was not all so different from learning at a job or on my own. I should not be afraid. Perhaps this lesson had been taught to be before. Reword - taught to be before sounds wrong

When I first walked into the studio at [TV], I stayed rather silent, and stuck to running a camera for live shows. I noticed that there was a knowledge gap with the live graphics machine, so I took up reading online forums and experimenting with the machine on my own accord. I found and grew into a niche that I enjoyed. I typically managed graphics for the local shows. But, there were often problems I had no answer for. Errors and inefficiencies weighed me down. I realized that I could search for as much material as I wanted, but without proper guidance, there are things that would I not be able to grasp. I called the manufacturer and participated in a week long seminar. When I returned, I was brimming with ideas and procedures that I quickly began using. I was so excited at how week of training had opened up so many things I had not thought of before. The experience reminded me of my time at [Blank] Community College.

Good so far. In your second paragraph you should emphasize your desire to seek out more information so you may one day employ your knowledge, etc. in order to try and give that title a solid meaning. Again, clear up being afraid or perhaps take it out if room does not permit. Good luck

PArachel

Mar 11, 2013

Graduate / A person is privileged to have been born healthy; PTCAS (Physical Therapy) [5]

Hey! Great so far! Here are a few things you could maybe change:
1. In my opinion, if a person is born healthy is, then that person is privileged.
change to "In my opinion, if a person is born healthy, then that person is privileged."
2. Physically or mentally impaired children are neglected most of the time
maybe change to "Physically or mentally impaired children are typically neglected.."
3. upon arrival to The United States
change to "upon my arrival to The United States"
4. Add comma
She is dislexic, disabled, and needs to be taken care of all the time
5. It is practically impossible for such kids to develop into a healthy adolescent
6. who is "we" in "everything we do is for the better"
7. parent's to parents
8. change The interest in the Physical Therapy profession grew with the limitless to "My interest in ..."
Check to make sure most of your sentences are in the same tense - past/present and active/passive.
Hope this helps!

PArachel

Mar 11, 2013

Essays / I have to compare and contrast two photos and I am using Block Format. [3]

Hi good so far but you have some gramatical errors and places you need to reword:
1. Does the average Americans look at what is on their plate and asked how it was grown --> change grammar here...
Does the average American look at ... and ask how it was grown?
2. I would perhaps add in after this --> how it was grown? They most likely do not; however, I do.
3. Change: The majority of super market's goods are grown by using pesticides to control insects that can destroy the crops -->
The majority of super market's goods are grown using pesticides, which control insects that may destroy the crops
4. Perhaps say "Even though it has expanded over the past few years..."
5. Change this sentence: "Growing all growing plates need sunlight, water, and soil to grow" to "All plants need sunlight, water, and soil to grow"

6. However, with the use of pesticides in the growing stage can make the plant grow faster, look fresher longer, and keep the insects away
Good transition sentence!
7. The first farmer has to look on
Good ending thought.

PArachel

Mar 11, 2013

Undergraduate / Knowledge, responsibility, respect, passion & a desire makes good Physician Assistant [4]

The car reluctantly slows to a stop as I pull myself out of the back seat slunch I was previously positioned in. Ahead I see a scene of panic on the road. One car is hanging into a woody ditch and the other smoking on the road. Without thinking, I wrench myself out of the back seat of my mother's tiny two-door car and run towards the closest wreck. A man franticly hovers by the smoking metal unsure of what to do. I step in and assess the driver's condition. It's a woman in her mid-50's who is conscious and functioning. I check her vital signs..."Good." No neck or back pain or extreme pupil dilatation..."Good again" I sigh. I examine the rest of her body before I let her move. She has a lesion on her head with a large amount of superficial bleeding. I quickly take off my pink jacket and use it to apply pressure on her wound. I had to stop the bleeding. I stay until she is taken away. Covered in the woman's blood and in a haze, I slowly walk into the middle of the road unsure of what is still happening. I return to my mom's car and we go back on our way to get dinner as once planned. I sat back into my seat and thought about what had just happened. I realize that I had felt so alive in those moments and I know now, even more so than I did before, "this was what I am supposed to do."

I have had a passion for biology and medicine my whole life. Since the beginning of high school, I have worked in the medical field and enjoyed every second of it. From this real world experience, my love of biology in school was solidified. While working at physical therapy offices, I was able to interact with patients and had the privilege of developing a relationship with each unique individual I aided. I learned numerous invaluable lessons from these patients and I am eager to learn more from each patient I hope to serve. This willingness and desire to serve others is a major component of why I am driven to become a physician assistant. I have taken several mission trips to Mexico to help those in need. There, we helped build a soup kitchen for the children and families of a small town. The joy and relationships I gained from these trips will stay with me forever. Each day I strive to help others and employ what I have learned from these experiences.

I enjoy challenging myself as a person. This need for a challenge is a factor in why I transferred from Towson University to St. Mary's College of Maryland. In my year at Towson I learned a great deal about myself. However, I was looking for more of an academic challenge, which I found at St. Mary's Honors College. At St. Mary's, I have accumulated various responsibilities and experiences as a student in rigorous courses, a health club member and executive, an independent researcher, a member of honors societies, and as a part of the school community. These experiences have prepared me for whatever endeavors may lie ahead.

I have no incredibly compelling or colossal stories of outstanding life events that make up who I am; however, what constructs the story of my life is in the small triumphs I have every day. Every day, I work with patients or give my absolute best in class. Every day, I try to help anyone in need. Every day, I gain more of an appreciation for biology and medicine. Every day, I grow and learn to become a better person. Every day, I give everything I have to achieve my dream of becoming a physician assistant. I have given numerous reasons why I desire to become a physician assistant, although sometimes you cannot explain why you have a dream; you just have it and always will.