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Posts by bobinv
Joined: Jul 27, 2013
Last Post: Aug 9, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 14  
Likes: 3
From: Kuwait

Displayed posts: 19
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bobinv   
Aug 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2-Some people think that travel helps gaining knowledge [3]

Some people think that travel helps gaining knowledge, but others think that TV and internet play an important role in gaining knowledge. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is very well phrased that "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER". Some people are of the opinion that knowledge can be obtained by travelling to other countries while others claim that media's like television and internet are important factors for development of knowledge. Both these arguments will be analyzed and a conclusion will be decided upon it.

On one hand, people who travel to different countries gain knowledge and start thinking from a different perspective. An illustration of this can be seen where the prime minister of India had been on an official visit to Singapore and he was so impressed with how the metro reduced traffic congestion that he implemented the same in his home country. This clearly shows how a different countries idea was implemented elsewhere and benefitted the nation. Additionally, by travelling to different countries, people get to know about different cultures and mingle with people of various ethnicity, race and the like. This in turn will broaden the horizon of the general public and lead to the development of the nation.

Having said that, it is also seen how technologies like TV and internet have a key role in developing knowledge. These literally reduces the distance of people in two different parts of the world and communication between them is possible just with a click of a button. This makes interaction between two people possible in an instant without much expense and they are able to share information with each other in mere seconds. Furthermore, it would be more convenient to research on a subject over the internet rather than going to libraries or other places physically.

To sum up, it can be seen that travelling to different places as well as media like TV and internet are equally important for knowledge gain. I personally believe that both go hand in hand in the development of a persons intellect.
bobinv   
Aug 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: tourism as source of revenue, disadvantages should not be overlooked. [5]

Its a well written essay.. Just my suggestion

The creation of jobs is also a response to the booming tourism. The need for manpower will arise to provide and supply the increasing needs of the visitors. For the business-inclined, it will be the perfect time to set up their businesses without having to worry about the number of people who will avail the products and services being offered. These new jobs are the sources of money for the laborers and business oweners alike.

Shouldnt the introduction have both sides of the topic since both will be discussed in the following paragraphs and it would give the examiner a short brief of what you will discuss.

sources of money

source of money

put into consideration

taken into consideration

For instance, garbage disposal may become a problem due to the increase volume of wastes and of people who who fail to properly dispose their wastes.

For instance, garbage disposal may become a problematic/difficult task due to increase in waste volume and people wouldn't dispose their wastes.

because all the

becuase of all the

All the best mate
bobinv   
Aug 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: CLIMATE CHANGE ISSUE - Not enough political action! [8]

I agree that the government has not taken an active role in prioritizing the welfare of the environment particularly the climate

I think the first sentence of the essay should be a general statement.. something like ..One question that has raised a great deal of controversy is the uninvolvement of government in improvement of our living environment.

Furthermore, government

Since the 2nd paragraph should start with ur first reason for your argument.. i would suggest starting like this.. Firstly, government...

I couldnt find anything else wrong with your essay.

All the best mate
bobinv   
Aug 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2-The rising levels of congestion and air pollution [5]

The rising levels of congestion and air pollution found in most of the world's cities can be attributed directly to the rapidly increasing number of private cars in use. In order to reverse this decline in the quality of life in cities, attempts must be made to encourage people to use their cars less and public transport more. Discuss possible ways to encourage the use of public transport.

In recent times, we have seen a sharp increase in the number of cars plying on the roads. This increase in cars has resulted in traffic jams and pollution which results in health related problems in humans as well as severe depression. This problem can be tackled in various ways, some of which will be discussed below.

To begin with, the government can reduce the fares of public transportation. The reduction in fares will encourage more working people to opt for buses, metros and other modes of public transport. As we all know, if public transportation is much cheaper, the general public would definitely use it to get to work and to avoid the morning peak hour rush. Additionally, more bus and train stops have to be constructed so that people would not have to walk a longer distance to get to work.

Furthermore, an increase in the cost of owning and using a private vehicle has to implemented to discourage people from using their own cars. This can be seen from the introduction of tolls in highways and motorways in many cities. Evidently, people would have the urge to leave their cars at home and prefer commuting using public transportation.

To sum up, fare reduction of public transportation as well as hiking ownership and usage costs of vehicles would encourage people to commute using public transport rather than using their own cars. The issue of the ever declining quality of life in cities has to be sorted out and by introducing such measures we can improve the health of the present population and the next generations.
bobinv   
Aug 3, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-task2: The increase in weight but decrease in health [4]

Just a few suggestions:

It can easily noticed that the avarage weight of the world's population has been increasing

One main concern nowadays is the ever increasing average weight of the world population..

First of all, it is the introduction of fast food which results in the significant increase

First of all, the growing popularity of fast food consumption which results in significant increase

people have had inappropriate diets

people have inconsistent food eating habits

people are lazy in doing exercises

people are too lazy to exercise
bobinv   
Aug 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: It is essential to have the death penalty to reduce violent crime. [9]

dead penalty

death penalty
However, now-a-days a strong question is arised whether capital punishment should continued or banned[/quote]
However, nowadays there is a strong debate if capital punishment has to continue or be completely banned

again kill someone

recommit a crime

can prevent that happen

can prevent this from happening

Last of all

Finally,

These are just some of my suggestions. All the best pal
bobinv   
Aug 2, 2013
Writing Feedback / Learning a foreign language early bring additional tension & stress to children [3]

Some experts believe that it is better to for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is often said that the curriculum in primary school should include one or many foreign languages. Although some may agree with this argument, others refute this saying this have adverse effects on young students. I tend to the support the latter and would elaborate on this in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, the main reason for learning a language that is alien for students is that they would grasp anything that is thrown at them. It is a known fact that young kids have the trait of absorbing and have a keen observation for things happening around them. This goes to show how teaching a student at primary school would result in them understanding it more.

Another reason is that learning a foreign language will be really helpful in an individuals career. Since many people nowadays get jobs outside their home country, knowing a foreign language will be an added advantage on their resume.

Having said that, even if there are various advantages supporting this argument, there is a strong disadvantage which is causing additional load , pressure and stress to students who are already over-burdened. This in turn will negatively impact the overall performance of students resulting in lower grades. Additionally, since students will have to dedicate more time with studies, it will lead to reduced interaction with others which will affect their social lives.

To sum up, I personally believe that including a foreign language at primary school would only bring additional tension and stress to children leading to the conclusion that the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages.

Please let me know how the essay is and appreciate your feedback on the same.

THanks
bobinv   
Aug 2, 2013
Grammar, Usage / 'professional athletes' - Need help with grammar (verb usage) [3]

It is widely accepted that professional athletes earn a lot of money

This is the right one or you can put it like this.. It is a well known fact that professional athletes earn a lot of money.

i want to cultivate my spirit

I personally don't think it is necessary to put it in quotes.
bobinv   
Aug 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / ILETS:Schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects [7]

Here are few of my suggestions

Personally, Children should learn some so-called unimportant subjects

I believe , students should learn non-academic subjects..

play an essential part in individual's

play an important role in the development of an individual

in the future

for the future
bobinv   
Jul 30, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASk 2-Many species of animals and plants are in danger of being extinct. What [6]

We are at a point where many ,if not most, of the animals and plants are on the verge of being extinct. This has reached such an alarming rate that some species of animals are already extinct and if this trend continues, we will lose more species both in the animal and plant kingdom. There are several reasons for this and I will discuss some in this essay as well as give solutions to what can be done to prevent this.

The most important reason for the dwindling number of animal and plant species is "GLOBAL WARMING". This is a common term nowadays and most people are aware of it but simply choose to ignore. For instance, it has been scientifically proven that global warming is the main factor for the imbalance in the ecological system which in turn affects both the animals and plants in a negative way.

A second reason being hunting down of endangered species for their skin or body parts. For instance, elephants are being hunt down even now for their tusk which is used to make ivory products and sold to the market for an exorbitant price. This clearly shows how the animal kingdom is being affected by the killing of animals.

A further reason is deforestation for the expansion of cities and to use the wood or timber for making wooden materials. We are all aware that due to overcrowding in cities, the cities are being expanded by cutting down trees to make space for more land area for further construction of housing and accommodation. This results in an imbalance in plant system which affects the entire ecological system.

There are several things that can be done to prevent this from happening. Firstly, an initiative has to started by the government to reduce CO2 emission which is known to be the prime reason for the increase in global warming. This can be done by reducing the number of cars on the road and by cutting down emissions from industrial factories. Additionally, there should be a strict law in place to prevent fishing of rare sea creatures like Blue cod fish, shrimps , lobsters. In countries such as Kuwait, there is already an initiative by the government that permits fishing of shrimps only for 2 months. This gives enough time for breeding and hence there will be stability in marine life.

To conclude, I firmly believe that animals and plants have to be protected for our generation and future generations and these living creatures can be saved just by following certain precautionary measures.

I know its well over the 250 word limit. I had to hurry up in the end which i guess lead to a rather incomplete conclusion. ( i completed this in 45 min)

Please rate my essay and post your feedback :)
bobinv   
Jul 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS - old buildings should be preserved; 'contribute to our sense of culture' [5]

in which rural people must go to urban centers to look for job opportunities

in which rural people have to move to urban centers...

can construct more accommodation

provide more accomodation

managers of cities

I didnt quite get this.. managers of cities?

provide accommodation with more convenient for people who live there

Please try to rephrase this sentence.

Hope i was helpful
bobinv   
Jul 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / Firstly by participating in community service , one becomes more responsible and independent. [8]

TOPIC: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Community service is being seen in most part of the world nowadays. Usually, its the younger generation who are actively participating in such services. Although some may argue this should not be included as part of the high school curriculum, in my opinion, I am strongly supporting the point that this should be part of high school programs. I will justify this by explaining how community service can make people more responsible and improve their social skills.

Firstly by participating in community service , one becomes more responsible and independent. For instance, if a person is assigned to teach young children about a particular subject, it would be his responsibility to make sure his students learn everything. This clearly shows how the trait of responsibility is instilled in him. And this will pave the way for a brighter future for people as responsibility is a main characteristic that people look in for during job interviews and all.

Secondly, such activities will make a person more socially likeable as they are doing something positive for the society. Due to this, the person involved in community services will have a great improvement on their social skills and will learn to better interact with others in society and they might find some hidden potential within them like leadership qualities. Such qualities and traits are highly in demand in the current job market which will make sure that the young generation have bright future.

In conclusion, I reiterate the statement that community service should be a mandatory part in high school programs and as seen above , this will lead to the younger generation having a brighter future and will be an example for further generation to follow them to make the world a better place to live in.

Please rate my essay.. Your comments/feedback will be highly appreciated.

THanks

Bob
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