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Posts by teelyons
Joined: Apr 13, 2009
Last Post: Apr 14, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
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teelyons   
Apr 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Parents are the best teachers (Devotion and penetration) [8]

I agree with parents are the best teachers in general. Unless, you have parents that are not good examples. Maybe you could do the pros and cons of a good/bad parent teacher. You have given excellent reason why parents are the best . Good luck.
teelyons   
Apr 14, 2009
Speeches / A persuasive speech on discrimination [6]

You can be more specific about the benefits that traditional union vs the same sex union receive. For example, healthcare benefits. Many employers do not provide health benefits for same sex unions. What affect does this have on their families? Also, I type in same sex union in the US and got some great information about your topic. Good luck
teelyons   
Apr 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / 500 word image essay (Black Hair Report) [4]

In this essay, you will analyze and explore three images. You will show what each image means by explaining words, references, pictures that you see. As a result of exploring and analyzing these image, you and your reader should come to an understanding of the poem

Black Hair Report

The poem Black Hair" by Gary Soto describes the speaker when he was an eight year old boy admiring baseball and player Hector Moreno. Each image gives readers an opportunity to visualize the boy's childhood. Three images particular," "In July, that ring of heat, we all jumped through, I sat in the bleachers of Romain Playground in the lengthening shade that rose from our dirty feet", " "... I came here because I was Mexican, a stick

of brown light in love with those who could do it--the triple and hard slide", / I chewed sunflower seeds, I drank water, and bit my arm through the late innings ", indicates baseball as a major impact in the boy life at that time.

The first image, "In July, that ring of heat, we all jumped through, I sat in the bleachers of Romain Playground in the lengthening shade that rose from our dirty feet" shows the boy dedication to the game because it was hot outside and the boy was barefoot walking on the hot ground. The ring of heat must be beaming directly on the other side of the playground. The statement ring of heat indicates the sun shining profusely in one area. He was sweaty, waving and cheering players on. The temperature outside didn't matter; he was elated to attend the game. He idolized Hector Moreno. The boy watched Hector play ball in the hot air, so he didn't mind watching the game and inspiring Hector as Hector inspires him. The boy felt like one of the sweaty players encouraging teammates on.

The second image," I came here because I was Mexican, a stick
of brown light in love with those who could do it--the triple and hard slide". The boy is proud to be a Mexican, just like his idol Hector Moreno. The Mexican culture exhibits strong family, respect, hard working and socializing together in the environment. Although, he only weighted 50 pounds, very shy, and his black hair was short; Hector gave him confidence in himself. However, the boy not only admired Hector as a Mexican; but that he could play baseball. When Hector executed the triple and hard slide it left a big impression on the boy. The boy father died and he has little recognition of him, so he replaced that emptiness with Hector and the love of baseball.

The third image, I chewed sunflower seeds, I drank water, and bit my arm through the late innings "shows the boy becoming more anxious, and the game growing intensely". Chewing sunflower seeds and drinking water was something most baseball players did to help them concentrate, and stay hydrated. He bit his arm with anticipation when Hector lined balls into deep center. The boy face turned red, and his hair stood up straight, as he imagined rounding the bases with Hector. At that moment he felt swollen with pride because he is visualizing himself through Hector. Hector gave him an opportunity to believe in who he was. Hector showed him that obstacles could be overcome, no matter your heritage. Even though, his home life was unpleasant; the game gave him a chance to get away and cherish a dream. When Hector hit a home run, the boy was ecstatic because he represented their culture and their abilities.

In Conclusion, the three images were the boy in the summer at the playground sitting in the bleachers watching the baseball game. He was cheering and admiring Hector Moreno. The second image is the boy proud to be a Mexican along with Hector. The third image was the boy eating sunflower seeds and drinking water, as he bit his arm in the late innings. All three of these images describe a young boy adoring Hector Moreno as a Mexican hero. He feels like apart of the something, when he watches the baseball game. The boy is longing for someone to cherish and appreciate him. Although his father is dead the boy found the same love in Hector Moreno and his accomplishments. He found a way to seal that hole in his heart with a role model Hector Moreno, and by showing everyone how brilliant he was with his body. Hector did more than play base ball well; he uplifts a young boy who is searching for an identity as a Mexican.
teelyons   
Apr 14, 2009
Writing Feedback / Psychology Concepts applied to the real world [5]

Thanks Sean,
Actually, there are two assignments. The first paper is to write the paper is a synopsis about the movie. The second paper is to applied the psychology concepts within the texts. This is why I submitted two different threads.
teelyons   
Apr 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Essay to Compare and Contrast Two members of Your Family [5]

Melissa,
good start to your paper. You might want to interview other people and get their view about your parents. Also, you may want to interview them together as well as separately about a specific topic. Other things to compare maybe as follows: The type of car they drive, the food the like or dislike. Also, do they share the same values and morals. Good luck.
teelyons   
Apr 13, 2009
Graduate / Why you are specifically well-suited to contribute to this internship [2]

I looks like you have a good grasp on the importance of volunteer work. I may change this sentence below to people who are less fortunate instead of less-lucky people.

Adding to my current compassion for the less-lucky people, the skills and knowledge I acquired from those activities will help me contribute more to the community.

You seem to be on the right track. Good work.
teelyons   
Apr 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Psychology Concepts applied to the real world [5]

Diagnosis Psychological Concepts

ASSIGNMENT: THE PURPOSE OF THIS WRITING ASSIGNMENT IS TO HAVE YOU APPLY PSYCHOLOGY CONCEPTS FROM CLASS LECTURE OR FROM YOUR TEXTBOOK TO THE REAL WORLD IN WHICH WE LIVE. SPECIFICALLY, YOU WILL EXPLORE THE PRESENCE OF PSYCHOLOGICAL CONCEPTS IN VARIOUS FORMS OF MEDIA: MOVIES, MUSIC, AND ART

Diagnosis Concept's
Coco Chanel
Coco dealt with a lot of emotions and she had an overwhelming amount of responsibility on her shoulders. Before, her mom died she told Coco to always look after her sister. Coco's father then placed them into an orphanage. Consequently, as a child she didn't understand how to cope with grieve, and the loss of her parents at the same time; mental anguish or pain caused by despair. Also, they dealt with the trauma of abandonment; the act of forsaking. They were deserted by there father. Coco felt a since of misplaced and functionalism in society. Coco found it hard to adapt and focus on living in a society when she was uncertain about whom she was. However, when Coco begun to sew she gained social influence; the process through which the real or implied presence of others can directly or indirectly influence your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Having the encouragement of others persuaded her to follow her dream as a designer. When she fell in love with Eszie, he was wealthy and she felt unfit. But Coco tried to adapt to the upper class lifestyle. Coco conformity attitude didn't bring her happiness; changing one's own behavior to match that of other people. Coco then became vulnerable to love and acceptance because she was poor. Eszie had Coco fooled he had no intensions on marrying her, Eszie only wanted a norm reciprocity relationship with Coco; assumption that if someone does something for you, they expect something in return. So, Eszie was giving Coco a place to live, in return he wanted sexual pleasure. Ultimately, Coco became severely depressed; feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt. Coco didn't like the control Eszie had over her, also she developed depersonalization disorder; dissociative disorder in which people feel detached and disconnected from themselves, their bodies, and their surroundings. She realized she had to venture out on her own to achieve her dream. Once Coco moved to France she still processed much pride. She didn't want help from her friend Boi, because she never wanted to owe anyone any thing. Ultimately, Coco was heart broken when Boi died; and she suffered from a Major depressive disorder (MDD); constant sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest in favorite activities. Although, Coco went on to become the world number one fashion designer, she used her talent and love for women validity to cover her pain.
teelyons   
Apr 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / 'Schools are nestles of education' - Essay on Violence in schools. [13]

Chidem,
Very interesting. I like the way you connected your idea on how children learn violence from their familes. It only stress the point that children will do what they see and not neccessily what they are told. Good work
teelyons   
Apr 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Psychology Concepts applied to the real world [5]

ASSIGNMENT: THE PURPOSE OF THE WRITING ASSIGNMENT IS TO HAVE YOU APPLY PSYCHOLOGY CONCEPTS FROM CLASS LECTURE OR FROM YOUR TEXTBOOK TO THE REAL WORLD IN WHICH WE LIVE. SPECIFICALLY, YOU WILL EXPLORE THE PRESENCE OF PSYCHOLOGICAL CONCEPTS IN VARIOUS FORMS OF MEDIA: MOVIES, MUSIC, AND ART

The movie I wrote my paper about is the phenomenal COCO Chanel. The movie premičred on Lifetime movie network (LMN); and it inspired me to sacrifice and overcome all obstacles in order to achieve my dreams.

Gabrielle Chanel grew up very poor. Her mother taught them to sew there clothes before she died. Chanel's father placed her and her sister into a French orphanage. Gabrielle was heartbroken when her father left and never returned. She remembered her mother telling her to always look after her sister; so that made her strong. When Gabrielle turned 18 she had to move out on her own. She found a job working as a dressmaker assistant and they provided room and board. Gabrielle worked diligently everyday hand sewing many dresses for all size women. She stayed very close to her sister bringing her there to work and live also. Gabrielle met an Englishman named Eszie on duty in the army and he swept her off her feet. He took her to live in his enormous mansion; where he gave her the nick name Coco. She loved her life with Eszie, so she explored her passion and begun sewing hats. Her hats were so unique and fashionable, that many women were green with envy. However, she received compliments from the royal princess. Eszie best friend Boi came from the army to visit. Boi and Coco got along very well because they both had a traumatic past. Boi noticed Coco had real talent making hats and he admired that about her. Coco realized that Eszie intensions were not to marry her. He was not ready for one woman; and he had Coco living there for only his pleasure. Eszie became very threatened by Boi's presence. Then, at sunrise Boi suddenly left without saying goodbye.

Coco decided to move to Paris with the little money she had, although she was alone and scared she had her passion to hold onto. Coco rented a room to sew and sell her hats, but business was very slow so she couldn't pay the rent. Surprisingly, Boi came to visit her and he noticed her financial hardship, so he decided to pay the rent for her. Coco and Boi eventually falls in love. Boi believes in her dream to sew hats so much that he brought a shop so Coco can become noticed for her talent. Coco and her sister opened a shop named Gabrielle Chanel. The shop lured women from all around the world to buy the unique hand sewed hats by Chanel. Business picked up very fast, but she also had a lot of critics. Coco dealt with women shunning her because she was raised poor. One customer came to the shop and made a comment "that she is just a little money grabber". Coco was confident to prove to all those jealous women, that if you believed in something enough you can achieve it. Next, Coco shop became the top seller in town. Boi was so in love with Coco that he proposed to her. Unfortunately, Coco declined his proposal because; she didn't want to marry him until she was no longer depended on him. Boi became very upset and he left for 2 weeks without writing or calling. During his time away Coco missed him dearly. She waited for the mail everyday looking for a letter from Boi. Meanwhile, Coco and her sister decided to start sewing woman clothes. She didn't like the sewing machine, so they hand sewed each stitch. Coco wanted women to dress to their likings, not to validate a man. Boi suddenly returned and Coco was no longer in despair. He loved her idea to begin a woman's clothing line, so he purchased another shop for her. Boi and Coco loved each other deeply, but Boi heart begun to have feelings for another woman. Ultimately, he proposed to his god sister and they got married. Coco was in disbelief, she was crushed. She continued to run her shop; but she blamed her self for the reason Boi married another women. Coco stated" if I only would've accepted your proposal, we will be the one's married". Boi and Coco stayed apart for years there out. Until one day during Christmas she received a phone call from Boi. He expressed his dying love for Coco, and he told her he was coming back to be with her. Coco was flabbergasted; so she waited up all night for Boi. The next morning Coco received a call that Boi was in an accident. When Coco arrived on the scene; Boi was dead. Coco cried unstoppable, and drifting on a tree branch was the scarf she made for Boi. Consequently, she continued to run her shop. Today she is known world wide for her effort to make women feel validated. Coco has conquered the world with her perfume Chanel No.5.