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Posts by peacefulwarrior
Name: Shukurullo
Joined: Oct 18, 2013
Last Post: Mar 16, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
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From: Uzbekistan
School: NamDU-2

Displayed posts: 10
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peacefulwarrior   
Mar 16, 2014
Scholarship / I come from a middle class Philippine family; KGSP Scholarship Essay [3]

After, I was able to pass the college entrance exam and study in the most prestigious university in our country, the University of XX.. Here you have to write after that,... or then.... .I studied Biochemistry for four years here you should write I have studied... .

I was more involved in my studies than extracurricular activities here it will be wise if you don't mention extracurricular activities because universities usually like a student who is active in attending to extracurricular activities. Well, I think it will be nice if you read your essay and rectify some logical and grammatical mistakes that you have. Anyway, good luck.
peacefulwarrior   
Mar 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - GT (task-1) You have moved to different house, Write a letter to your friend [4]

Well, you have done a good job but there are some grammatical mistakes which you have to fix. For instance, ocated near to the city center is usually said near the city center and would already asleep should be would already be asleep . first of all, it is a newly built house and fully furnished so no maintenance pain, it has got a new swimming pool, beautiful garden and a gym for exercise. here it will better if you put a dot after no maintenance pain, and start a new sentence.
peacefulwarrior   
Mar 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL "a coin has two sides" Young people enjoy life more than older people do. [4]

In general, you have done a good job. But there some logical errors which you have to fix. Well, in my view, when you write an opinion essay, I have to be a little critical. What I want to say is that you have to write about both sides even you think only one side is true. And additionally, "a coin has two sides" is a cliché and it is not wise to write a cliché in a TOEFL essay.
peacefulwarrior   
Feb 17, 2014
Undergraduate / Why APU? I researched well on the uni ! [4]

As my graduation date is coming near and near, I have started to think about which university I should apply for to continue my higher education. Then a friend of mine said that his brother had graduated a university called Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University in Beppu, Japan and I thought what kind of university situated in Beppu is it. Because I have never heard of such city before. So I wanted to meet my friend's brother by myself and get some recommendations about this university since any university seemed a new thing for me. When I met him, he told me all his experience in APU, how he made a friend with a Chinese girl and his participation in Japanese traditional holidays. As he continued to talk, my mind about APU changed completely and I gained a passion to study there.

However I have chosen APU not only for one person's comments but also for information I gained by searching in google. While googling, I found out that Beppu is being known as "the global village" which means APU has a multicultural environment. Knowing that university makes its students who come from different countries collaborate with each other encouraged me more to study there since I am really keen on broadening my cultural knowledge. After that I got an idea that a student who graduates APU will be more flexible to adopt to a new environment, a skill which is very beneficial when you start a new career. Additionally, I figure out that APU is paying more attention to the offers of scholarships to talented international students and I believe such scholarship can open a new way to cement my previous educations for improved future career opportunities.

What is more, I was astonished hearing that up to 95% of graduates of the university are gaining employment upon graduation
despite of the fact that unemployment rate is extremely high in most countries. Graduates of APU are employing in prestigious
companies and corporations like Mazda Motor Corporation, Panasonic Corporation and so on.
peacefulwarrior   
Feb 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Describing Map Chorleywood Area [11]

...while tremendous growth was occurs between 1990-1970 in the almost all blocks .
It will be correct if you say " while tremendous growth was occurred...."
"It is interesting to seek more see that area around...."
between 1868 to 1970 rather than other area. While in the entire 126 years block
It will be correct if you connect these two sentences.
peacefulwarrior   
Feb 15, 2014
Undergraduate / "Be the change you want to see in this world" ; Why APU? [4]

"Be the change you want to see in this world" once said Mahatma Gandhi.
Under the effect of this motivation, I have achieved many goals of mine and my next ambition is to be an excellent accountant who can contribute to the development of this modern world. To manage this, entering and graduating Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University is the main path I should go along. Actually, I have lots of other answers to the question "why APU?". For example, first and foremost reason is that I am really interested in Japanese culture and language since its culture is typical and is hard to find in other countries. Japanese tradition has also attracted me since I watched several documentary films about its people and tradition. After watching such films, I was astonished how well Japanese people have saved their tradition for many centuries and since then I have a dream to visit and stay in Japan in order to socialize with local residents and broaden my cultural knowledge. I believe that APU can create an opportunity for me to succeed my goal.

Secondly, before choosing APU, I have searched enough universities to come to the conclusion that Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University is the best option for students who want to work in prestigious companies and be a great person. And there are a number of reasons for that. For instance APU has high reputation both in home country and among international students since its most graduates are gaining employment upon graduation. Next reason why I am going to apply for this university is that APU has a multicultural environment which is very beneficial for students in their future career in this internationalizing world. Such mixture of languages and the mingling of different cultures make students more flexible to adopt to a new conditions in their future workplace. Additionally, I am going to apply for this university not only for its reputation of its multicultural studying but also for its great facilities which include tuition reduction scholarships.
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