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Posts by sky2586
Name: garry A
Joined: Oct 25, 2013
Last Post: Aug 2, 2014
Threads: 4
Posts: 10  
From: India

Displayed posts: 14
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sky2586   
Aug 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Every experience always gives us something to learn and keep for life [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences
in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for
the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer.

Please review and rate the below essay..
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I agree with the statement that our life seems tough at the time but those difficult experiences of life become important lessons for the future. My opinion based on the reasons that Every tough experience makes us more skilled, improves our decision making and makes us more compatible for life.

The best example of it is how babies learn about basics survival habits during their childhood. Every day comes with new challenges for them like walking, eating, etc., but those challenges of their initial life teach them important survival lessons which help them for whole life. For example, when they tried to learn walking, they stumble and hurt themselves many times. But they slowly tune their technique and learned to walk.

All inventions and experiments are based on many unfortunate observations. No known scientist has success in first attempt. Scientists try and test many specimens before they get they want. It was said that Thomas Edison tested around 10000 bulbs before inventing Light bulb. So, all the initial experiments would be difficult and frustrating for him but he searched for more options and learnt new findings with each experiment even when he was failing in his attempts and finally found break through.

Our difficult experiences also make us robust and strong unknowingly. We might be facing a toughest time of life at the time, but when we think back about those moments later in life, we feel more confident about our decisions and about ourselves. When I moved to college hostel after school, first few days were very unsettling for me because first time I was away from parent and staying with people I had not known. I had felt very fragile and emotionally distracted, but then slowly I started adjusting with roommates and built connection with them. I also became more casual and social with others, this experience increased my communication skill and social speaking skills.

Therefore, To conclude my opinion on this statement, I want to mentioned that every experience in life whether it is good or bad always gives us something to learn and keep for life. Good experiences give us good memories and bad ones teach us lessons for life.
sky2586   
Aug 2, 2014
Undergraduate / 'Helping other is my passion' - Hartwick Supplement - Describe some aspect about yourself [2]

Helping others...
overall good read..
You could also start with lines on more broader aspect like I always want to do something for the community or society by helping others. Also, you explained nicely about what you do in hospital .e.g. all the work in hospital and also a line in the end about how patient feel...try to put 1 or 2 more lines in between on how its positively affects the patients .
sky2586   
Dec 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / Toefl. Should countries engage with others or they should isolate from other countries. [7]

In first paragraph, 'to begin with' and then 'First of all' are not seemed appropriate.
in second paragraph, don't start new para with 'Also'. It gives indication that you are continuing the point which was already made in 1st para.

Try to write like,
First, trading and business.
Second,...tourism
Third, increase knowledge.
You will score more if points made in essay are clear to the reader.
Points are good, Just try to write them in proper structure.
sky2586   
Nov 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / Do you think in mordern society, wearing formally is still important? [5]

*You can write about the cultural aspect. Some cultures allow casual wear, some culture are more strict about the dress.
*You can discuss about the types of jobs. Show the contrast between employee work in Hawaiian or Chinese restaurant and the executives of technology company.

*You can also argue that modern society does not mean that we have to dress formally
sky2586   
Nov 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] 'Announcement of opening of new restaurant in locality' [3]

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built
in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why?
Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
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When I heard the news about new restaurant opening in our locality, I was happy and excited because I have already tried all the existing restaurants and tired of going to same restaurants every weekend. But then I thought of other issues that might raise by this announcement those need to be prior resolved.

As I am a food lover, my first response toward this announcement is to first enquire about what's kind of cuisines will they serve. How they will be in taste? Also, my neighborhood has a lot more cafes than the formal restaurants. So, I will obviously appreciate any good restaurant opens near our home, since dining in restaurant much more savory than eating in a cafe. Other from the personal reasons, i think it will also provide jobs to the locals. Students, generally, look for part time jobs during summer so this restaurant might provide them few options.

But there are other big factors as well which can't be ignored. Most important is the hygiene. Restaurant should have good health rating and should fools all the parameters of full hygiene. I I will check it's other branches, if it has any in other towns, to see their hygiene standards before supporting the new restaurant. I will expect from these branches that they should be serving healthy food in clean surroundings with approved health rating.

Mostly people in my neighborhood live with their families so it is very important that new restaurant won't create any kind of disturbance to anyone. It's working hours should not be too late because many families have kids go to school early in morning. Also, crowd come to restaurant should be decent and civilized. Restaurant should not welcome any foul group of people because it will be unsophisticated for the families live nearby. There should not be any kind of noise pollution like loud music and noises due to restaurant.

Restaurant will be equally responsible for preserving the neighborhood so it should apply all majors to keep it's surroundings neat. There should be a proper parking provided to the customers by the restaurant so that they won't crowded the streets with their vehicles.

In conclusion, there are many personal reasons to support the restaurant but there are equal number of caution points which can't be surpass. So, I will support the restaurant only if it shows concerns about the neighborhood worries and respect the surroundings like other locals.

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sky2586   
Nov 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / [toefl]was it easier to find jobs that would lead to a secure future In the past? [5]

However, if we were in the past, when the competition was not so intense, there are some kinds of jobs, like teachers and doctors, can provide us secure future lives.

you already used intense in your first paragraph, try to use synonyms like extreme, fierce etc..
Also, there were some kind ..., that provided us...

Something like this is always happening.

This happens very often nowadays./ We can see this very often nowadays.

So people in the past may identify a job that promises a bright future for them much more easily.

Instead of writing 'people in the past', you can start sentence like 'Earlier, people'.
This can be write like 'Earlier, people were able to identify the jobs...
And, don't try to scribble your thoughts directly on paper. Write-read-write-read each sentence many times before making it final.
sky2586   
Nov 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / Do you think in mordern society, wearing formally is still important? [5]

Used phrase 'wearing formally' many times. Try to phrase it with different words in paragraphs so that reader won't feel the repetition of points.

In phrase 'wearing politely', politely is not going with word wearing. Instead, you can use phrase like 'attires/dresses according to the occasion'.
All paragraphs are rephrasing the same point that 'first impression is the last impression'.Try to put more points in it and make each point a distinct paragraph.
sky2586   
Nov 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / Topic: Books can lead us and give a heads up on some topics [5]

topic :
It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."
Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?


Please review and drop your comments.
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Books are considered a good source of knowledge. They apprise us about already known facts and concepts. But there are various things for which books do not come very handy.For example, we can't learn swimming by reading it from a book. We have to practice in a pool to get perfect on it. Like swimming, there are many other things which we can only learn by our experiences. And, I think our experiences give us more applicable knowledge than books.

In college, we have books available for every course and have teachers to help us. Still many students, who follow only the books to get good grades, meet failure later in life where their bookish knowledge won't help them in practical world. We have many examples from current world where dropouts from colleges are running big multinational companies like facebook or Microsoft. They don't have a formal degree but they still improvised their ideas through personal experiences.

Nowadays, to make study more applicable, colleges start introducing practical classes in their courses. It's motivating students to do projects and assignments using their own findings and to not completely rely on books for studies. Books can be prove vital in the fields like history, geography etc. where facts are well established and do not change very often. But fields like science and maths where concepts are more intricate and transient, we need to do practical to understand it properly. The students who learn through practicals gain more clear knowledge of academic concepts. It says that Thomas Edison had used and wasted thousands of bulbs before inventing light bulb. This shows how important the personal experiences are.

When we are in job, these experiences serve as a pool of knowledge. Many times at our work, we come across new situations which can not be directly solve using the books so we try to find the solution using nontraditional approaches. Generally in office, we need to complete more work in less time which many times requires out of box thinking which might not be mentioned in books. This is the main reason that people with more years of experience snatch the bigger salary package in corporate world.

Experiences become very vital in management jobs which require daily customer interaction. People in these jobs deal with the markets which change hurriedly and give strict competition. They can't afford to stick to old bookish principles so they keep on evolving their strategies with their fresh experiences. Even federal governments also follow the same kind of plans. They keep upgrading their laws on the basis of experiences and feedbacks they receive from people.

So in conclusion, I think that Books can lead us and give us heads up on some topics but to gain the actual understanding we have to dig the concepts in practical. It is same as we can never learn to ride bike by reading any amount of books. We need to ride it several times before learning it.

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sky2586   
Nov 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay about professional workers ,sports and entertainment personalities [3]

The economy growth benefit from the professional workers and some other industries developing. --- The economy growth benefits from the professional workers and some other developing industries.

Different areas have their own contributescontribution to the society.
About this, some people think that should be focus on the sport and entertainment personality --- What should be focus on? Not clear.
sport and entertainment personalityties
to improve the high-techtechnology and the productivity
they have their own value in their working fields - incorrect. Not explaining much, elaborate more this.
and have some meaningful program---- work in some famous programs
magic voice to attract the people's eyesaudience
especially foron teenagers who are addicted thiswith their charm/ charisma
So this kind of people who worked in this field don't have too much contribution.--- which kind of people, work in which field? explain more.

Also, try to elaborate more on How professionals are useful and important for the society.
sky2586   
Nov 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL _ intelligence as the most important characteristic of a student [4]

can overwhelm many problems of theirs ----- can overcome many of their problems.
and also they won't be despair ------ .Also they won't easily get despair
the other hand, they can solve complicated things thanks to their ability to work hard----- On the other hand, they try to solve complicated things with their ability to work hard

Indeed , they can compensate their weaknesses -------- they compensate their weaknesses
diligence results in making student more optimistic and powerful ---- Working diligently makes student more optimistic and powerful OR students who work diligently are more optimistic and powerful.

potent to follow their objects and --- potent to follow their goals
To wrap up, although intelligence --- In conclusion or in my opinion

Many sentences have wrong structure. Like,
Trying students usually are self confident ones --- Students who try hard are more...
diligence results in making student more optim---- Working diligently makes student
You can find proper English Sentence Structure in any grammar book.
Also, Practice some English exercises daily before writing.
sky2586   
Oct 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / "Why people attend college?" To fulfill their dreams! [3]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer.
*please grade it in scale 0-6. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR EFFORT
==============================================================

In present society, Colleges and Universities are viewed as an Educational institutes which have proper curriculum and provide educational degrees which are required to pursue future career. Everyone come to college with different needs in mind.

Now days, when companies are receiving myriad of resume for every job position, competition is cut throat and sometime leads to job insecurity. Everyone wants something shining in their resume to make it distinct. Due to this competition, a need to get a decent degree which can secure job leads many people to college. Also, A good degree makes the job hunt somewhat easy. If we observe present trend, the famous courses in colleges are which provide more job security. These courses also provide college placements which attract many people to college.

Apart from degree, some people come to college to do a formal course that can polish their skills. There are people who have double major degrees and still studying another course. These are the students who come to college for knowledge and want to achieve excellence in their field of study. For them, number of degrees is not important, refinement of skills is more essential. These people crave for knowledge and see college as a way to fulfill it. These are ones who become scientist, researcher, ecologist, environmentalist etc.

College education not always relates to job pressure and knowledge builder, for many it is a way to have the experiences different from school. In college, we feel more freedom, meet new people and come to know the different views and prospective. It makes us more update about our society and outer world. Some people attend college to be more aware and to be a part of current culture. These are the people who emerged as Leaders, Poets, Writers, Socialists.

In the end, many people come to college to fulfill their dreams and achieve something in life. For some, the reason is to get a degree and then get a job. For some, it is a knowledge. For some, it is to get the feel of an energetic environment, sense of freedom and to be a part of it.
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