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Posts by asmy
Name: albert soh
Joined: Nov 20, 2013
Last Post: Nov 25, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  

Displayed posts: 10
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asmy   
Nov 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] - Problems caused by Traffic and its Solutions [2]

Great essay !!! Wide range of vocabulary

I think here are some minor corrections:

However this can be minimized by the encouraging individuals

by the encouraging

These measures help to subdue the pollution that is caused because of rad traffic

perhaps can change to "the pollution that is caused by road traffic"
asmy   
Nov 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Improving careers or spend time with family and friends more important [3]

Please feel free to comment

Essay Topic: Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think it is more important to spend time with family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statement? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often said that money links to happiness and successful life. Thus, some people have the notion that it is crucial to spend more time in their careers, work harder or even longer to get promoted. However, some feel that social life with family and friends is paramount. It is disagreed that climbing the corporate ladder is the most essential part in our lives.

Advocates of careers as the first priority argue that getting a higer paid job is the key to success and happiness. They assert that better income enables them to achieve their personal fulfillment, and provide a better standard of living to their family. For example, they can send their children to study abroad and live with luxury lifestyle. Thus, it is clearly understood that why they think better career means better future.

On the other hand, people who are in favour of family and friends as paramount argue that money and career are not the key indicators to gauge happiness. They claim that extreme working and neglecting their loved and close one will deteriorate their social lives. As a result, they are likely to have tenuous relationship with their family and friends. When they face any problems and obstacles, they have no one to listen, support and guide them. Over time, their social network become wither and die.

In conclusion, although having a successful career is important in our lives, we should always strieve for a balanced lifestyle. Hence, it is sometimes thought that having all the money in the world and not sharing with our loved one does not make us the happiest person.
asmy   
Nov 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Technology cannot solve all the world's problems! [8]

Hi, I am learning English as well, and I think you have very good English and high vocabulary skills.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Regarding this kind of essay question, I read some online articles. It seems like we can choose one of the following approach when writing essay:

a) 'argument essay' (that discuss only one side), or
b) 'discussion essay' (that discuss both sides but in conclusion we either agree or disagree)

Although it is sometimes suggested that 'argument type essay' that only support one side is more easier to plan the supporting ideas for one side rather than both side, it is ok to write as 'discussion essay' style.

Personally, I facing this dilemma in choosing the style as well since I can only think of one supporting idea. Therefore, I choose the discussion style, with one support and one refute, and in conclusion, I express my opinion.

I am not sure if this is appropriate way as well.
asmy   
Nov 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: pros and cons of work in other countries and take families together [8]

Thanks Pahan for your advice.
In fact, I spent more than an hour to write this essay.
In the exam, we are given 40 minutes to write the task 2. I am struggling with the time constraint to plan the ideas, and writing the essay.

Writing under such a stressful condition, my essay certainly degrade its quality even further.
If you or anyone has any advice, feel free to share.

Many thanks :)
asmy   
Nov 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: pros and cons of work in other countries and take families together [8]

Please feel free to comment, thanks !

Essay question: Many people work in other countries these days. They also take their families with them. Give your opinion about the situation. Do the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

In recent years, the trend of people working abroad is becoming increasingly prevalent. This phenomenon is largely stem from greater job opportunities, better working environment and higher paid. Many of them bring along their family members such as their wife, children, and even parents with them. Such situation has both merits and demerits and will be analyzed in this essay.

The most prominent benefit of taking their family members with them is that family is inevitably an essential part of everyone's life. They can give us support and guidance whenever we face any problems and obstacles. If a person have to work in other country and living alone, they would suffer loneliness and homesickness. Therefore, bringing families together will enjoy greater companionship.

Nevertheless, it is widely agreed that taking their families together have a couple of drawbacks. Firstly, living in other country means that adapting in a totally new environment. Some family members in particular elderly parents, may not able to accustom with the weather, food and culture. They may even experiencing language barrier and as a result, they fail to make any friends which could lead them to loneliness and isolation.

A further disadvantage is that it has certainly impacted to one's own country's economy. This 'brain drain' that involve sheer volume of people from various industries such as financial and commercial sectors undoubtedly has an adverse effect on the country's development. As a result of this, the countries might become poorer due to dwindle in intellectuals.

In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of bringing their families with them to other country outweigh the advantages. This trend is expected to persist and even increase. Therefore, governments should try all means at their disposal to minimize this deteriorating trend.
asmy   
Nov 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'Jail time or community sevices work' - Ielts essay 02 [5]

The young at high school ought to focus in studying, enhancing their knowledge. In my opinion, i partly agree with this view for some reasons bellows

I think the correction should be: studying, and enhancing... some reasons below .

lawyer, doctor, engineerer, business man... they just want to be a volunteerers

it should be engineer , and volunteer
asmy   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay, Advantages and disadvantages living in a house and apartment [5]

Hi, thanks for your comment.
May I further clarify something:

1) what is wrong with "Some people are in favour of..." ?
I read a sample sentence from dictionary "Not many people are in favour of using..."

2) Yes, you are right, I should use modern cities and not countries.
But just curious that will I lose marks in the exam ?

3) I know that I'm quite poor in grammar.
Do this essay has any obvious grammatical errors ?

Appreciate if you could enlighten me.
Thanks in advance.
asmy   
Nov 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay, Advantages and disadvantages living in a house and apartment [5]

Please comment on my essay below. Many thanks.

Essay Question: Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment ?

Apartments are proliferating in many modern countries especially in urban areas. Some people in favour of living in a landed house whereas others think that living in an apartment has more benefits. Nevertheless, living either in a house or an apartment is of a mixed blessing.

Firstly, the predominant benefit of living in a house is more spacious. It has bigger compound such as own car park space and some property even comes with a garden. Furthermore, living in such a big house with more room is more comfortable and cozy. Besides, people can live with extended family which is more boisterous. However, the price of a house is undoubtedly more expensive and even twofold of an apartment. Thus, it is generally agreed that this kind of property is only suitable for people who are more affluent.

On the other hand, living in a high-rise apartment can enjoy spectacular views. Apart from this, its affordable price often become the viable option for low and medium income group. What is more, some apartments are equipped with security guard service and a mini gym. Although the rooms' size of an apartment is relatively small and the kitchen and bath rooms are usually cramped, it can be homogenous living in an apartment with smaller nuclear family.

On the whole, living in a house or an apartment has its own pros and cons and neither of this outweigh each other. The decision to live in the type of accommodation is hinge on individual's preference, and their needs are bound to change over time.
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