Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teahing sports to younger children).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, volunteer activities becomes popular in young community, especially in students community who from all the universities of country. Some people claim that those activities particularly free community service should be compulsory part of high school but the opposite argue that all of those should be spend for student, who have finished their high school. The young at high school ought to focus in studying, enhancing their knowledge. In my opinion, i partly agree with this view for some reasons bellows.
At the first place, In spite of making community sevices compulsory can improve student's attitude with society and they aware of their possibility with the unluckier people in life; they can not concentrate into their main mission: studying. Being gone with the fun activities from working for charity, giving a hand to their neighbourhood,... Make them want to join volunteer activites instead of going to school. They will you it to judge with his parents when their parents want they care more about getting knowledge.
Beside that, the fact that making unpaid community service will blur the way of student in choosing a job which follow them entire of their life later. Instead of have a dream of lawyer, doctor, engineerer, business man for the future; they just want to be a volunteerers, jump to different place; doing the job which is use less knowledge.
In conclusion, No matter how good an unpaid community service is, it can not guide you a a basic and professional job, you can not be expert in any major. Because of that, they can be unconfident. I suggest it just be a way for student to enjoy entertainment, not a compulsory subject/ part of high school student
Let's check words and grammar for me, thanks a lot!
Nowadays, volunteer activities becomes popular in young community, especially in students community who from all the universities of country.
This is a pretty confusing sentence. It is important that this first sentence which is your hook be more attractive because it is the one that is going to make the first impression about your writing to the reader. So, write a clear interesting sentence. Do not lengthen sentences unnecessarily.
Nowadays, volunteering for community service has become a more popular activity in high schools.Some people claim that those activities particularly free community service should be compulsory part of high school but the opposite argue that all of those should be spend for student, who have finished their high school.
This is again too long. Therefore you tend to make mistakes :(
Some people are of the view that such activities should be made compulsory in high school curriculum. However, there is a strong opposition for this view from those who argue that these activities disturb the students' academic work.The young at high school ought to focus in studying, enhancing their knowledge. In my opinion, i partly agree with this view for some reasons bellows
I think the correction should be: studying,
and enhancing... some reasons
below .
lawyer, doctor, engineerer, business man... they just want to be a volunteerers
it should be
engineer , and
volunteerFirst, I have an admin request for you - IELTS threads should be opened in Writing Feedback forum ( I moved this from Essays, Term papers to Writing Feedback)
Overall, I find that you have not provided specific examples for supporting your reasons that you use to justify your position in the body paragraphs.
