Writing Feedback / Arts government funding - GRE Issue essay. Review, grade, point out mistake or suggest improvements. [4]

GRE Issue essay

Hello, please review, grade, point out mistake or suggest improvements on my GRE Issue essay. I timed myself and finished within 30 mins and submitted here without proof-reading, so you may ignore spelling mistakes or silly typos. Thank you.

PROMPT:
Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. Others believe that government funding of the arts threatens the integrity of the arts.

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.

My RESPONSE:
Government funding of the arts is a point of contention in many academic and general circles.
On one hand government funding of the arts can help to revive a dwindling field of practice, which is day by day losing its charm in the mass market due to the question of its practicality, and as a result failing to raise and bring in other sources of funding. On the other hand, the mere idea of government funding is blasphemous to a group who believe it would sabotage the true beauty and integrity of the arts, its ability to reflect and project the unadulterated views and feelings of the artists, and will be used for an agenda. But the problem is neither black nor white.

Art itself is a broad and nebulously defined word. Art includes music, literature, sculptures, poems and even the occasional street paintings can also be considered as arts and government funding can certainly help to foster the growth and ensure the quality in at least some, if not all the fields of art.

For example government funding is imperative in the University level arts education. Many of the universities currently in the US are slowly focusing on the more practically oriented subjects such as business, management or science. While these are undoubtedly vital for the society but so are the Arts.

Government funding and encouragement of the Universities to maintain the Arts education will encourage the departments to develop the education, promote the arts and encourage more young people to pursue it as a career.

The view that government meddling in the arts will degrade the quality of the contents is somewhat misguided. The arts can be a way to promote an agenda of the government, but that doesn't necessarily detracts from the value of the work. Take for example the Sistine Chapel, which was commissioned by the Church which was no less powerful than the present day government. But still the work that Michelangelo did was and is universally acclaimed even though the art clearly bears an agenda of the church. Or consider the case of the Mona Lisa, which was also commissioned by a group to Leonardo Da Vinci. What their funding did in fact was to give the artists a platform to ply their trade and showcase their talent, and that is what they did.

On the contrary, government funding in certain fields of arts, that sway public opinions, like literary works, can indeed be harmful and perilous, and the concerns about this funding scheme is rightly justified. Literary works and other forms of art that has direct influence over the public opinion should remain free from the government's or any political group's influence, because these forms of arts have the power to both drastically affect the lives of the people and also change the world we live in in a direct manner.

Funding of the government in arts can both spur the arts and help it to reach the general mass and also be used as a tool to control or at least influence public opinion. But we shouldn't discard the possibility of funding just because of an associated negative aspect. Rather accepting government funding in some fields and keeping some form of arts independent we can indeed help develop art and help make it accessible to the general mass.

Writing Feedback / Rate, point out mistakes or suggest Improvement on my GRE Argument Task about Palea village [2]

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument

My Response:
The author of the article points out some facts and findings about the ancient village of Palea and
Draws conclusion based on those. Although at first skim of the writing it might seem logical, but on the contrary the author in fact makes some significant leaps while trying to prove that Palean Baskets were not uniquely Palean and as a result his arguments warrant serious evidence to support his claims.

The author starts by pointing out a recent discovery of the distinctly Palean basket in Lithos, a village across a deep and broad river from Palea, and builds his following argument on this one fact. But he fails to acknowledge the possibility that other civilization from a comparatively later era, who might have access to boat could have brought the baskets across the river. The writer doesn't present any specific evidence pertaining to this scenario and thus fails to discard this possibility, which significantly weakens his argument. If he cited some study of findings of a group of antiquities in Lithos with the same carbon dating as the basket then it would have strengthened his claims.

Moreover the author implies that as the river was deep and broad and as no Palean boats were ever found then they couldn't have crossed the river. This statement of the author lacks specific evidence on multiple fronts.

Firstly the author indicates that archaeologists recently discovered the basket and further highlights the depth and the breadth of the river that impeded the Paleans to cross it. But rivers are highly subjected to change and evolve over the course of prolonged time. It might be possible that during the ancient time when the Paleans were present the river was very shallow and narrow and over considerable amount of time the river has evolved to its current state. Without any evidence for or against this possibility no accurate judgment can be made.

Secondly even though the writer mentions that there were no boat ever found he fails to provide any evidence that supports his claims. Was the lack of unearthing any boat belonging to the Paleans a definitive proof of the inability of the Paleans to make any boats? May be with further fastidious searches boats belonging to the Paleans might be found. If decisive proof of the technological inability of the Paleans to make boat could be found then it could be said with certainty that they never made boats. Otherwise there will always be a lingering possibility that with further conduction of exhausting searches in the Palean vicinity proof of boats could be found.

Archaeological studies and theories always depend on the information at hand and are subject to change when more conclusive evidence shows up. But in the article the author fails to provide significant pieces of crucial information to back-up his claims. Thus in absence of these verifications it cannot be said with certainty that the woven baskets were uniquely Palean.

Writing Feedback / "Grades" - immense educational pressure put on the little children in our South Asian societies [4]

I quickly need the following short story checked and am looking for almost any suggestion/ideas that would make the story more compelling and free flowing. I am a beginner writer and not a native speaker, though I learnt the language side-by-side with my native language. Any suggestions would do. Thanks. The prompt of the story was "Grades", I tried to focus on the immense educational pressure put on the (little) children in our (South Asian) societies. Anyway here it goes.

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Undergraduate / I was always disappointed by the schools I attended; "Why REED?" [4]

The Prompt is "why REED". I have tried to show my love of Physics and explain a bit about why REED would be a good fit for me as it is a scholarly place and coincides a lot with my mentality. It is really my dream school. Please help and be honest and frank in criticism. Thank you.

As I was skimming through patches of ideas to write about for various college application essays, my mind kept creeping back to the one-why Reed? And I knew what I would write because the story was screaming inside of me to let out. From eight thousand miles away, the little I could gather about Reed made me belief, it was my dream school.

I was always disappointed by the schools I attended, at least academically. The only thing everybody interested in was grades; no one seemed to care whether the students grasped the topic in its true meaning. Our physics teacher would come in the class and go on and on about why Physics is so hard and boring, and how dire circumstances forced him to study Physics, shockingly most of my peers agreed with him. I felt like the odd one out. How can Physics be boring? It is in fact, extraordinary. The mere thought of the enormity of the Universe is enough to run goose bumps across the body. The world we live in is run by a set of laws and we show no interest to understand and appreciate them? It does not seem right to me. The beauty of the Newtonian mechanics and the elegance of the Relativity coupled with the enigma of the Quantum Mechanics was enough to engross me and encourage me to learn more about the laws that govern this beautiful world. Physics, to me is not just an academic subject; it is the pursuit of the truth of our existence and our surroundings.

While learning, the 'why's always fascinated me more than the 'how's. While most in my class would simply 'learn' the equations, cram the theory and solve the problems, I would be up at night trying to fathom what makes an equation tick? What does it really represent? I would always try to get an intuitive grasp of the subject-it was my passion. I am more interested about the origin of the Universe, our coming into being, the working of the world, than about building a talking Robot. They of course are important, but I would gladly let someone else build them. Reed is a community where I feel thinking and creativity precedes just learning materials-it is the place where true intellectuals thrive. This is the type of place I have dreamed of my entire life; where I would meet fellow curious minds to share my curiosities with; where an intellectual and scholarly perspective of thinking would be deemed 'cool' instead of 'awkward'. I hope to finally join this community. I see myself already sharing insights with my fellow freshmen, may be operating the famous Reed Research Reactor if I have the chance and indulging into a community of scholars.

Undergraduate / "You are an idiot"- Background Story/ Central to Identity [3]

Hi, please post any feedback you want. I'm particularly weak in puntuation, anyone pls help me with that too. thank you :)
"Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

"You are an idiot", he sniped; the two other people in the room, nodded in acknowledgement. Suddenly I was in an alien land. As a twelve year old child-ravaged with arrows of criticisms-I saw my most cherished possession, my beliefs, crumbling down. My conviction: the Earth revolved around the sun. But my roommates were not convinced. They were seemingly dumb-founded by this bizarre stance. Suddenly I knew why Galileo recanted his findings.

Getting into Cadet College (a residential school) in Bangladesh is an accomplishment here. But students who go to British schools usually don't consider it as an option. Luckily or not, I went to one such school. So, when I got my acceptance letter-everyone I knew was ecstatic-I wasn't so sure. The British school showed me the world and helped me develop a globalised mind. It taught me to love people of every race and creed, to respect others opinions, and to see beyond national boundaries. Beyond books and curricula, British and Bangladeshi curriculums produced two culturally different groups of young people with contrasting Ideas, beliefs, ambitions and lifestyles.

In Cadet College I was thrown in the middle of nowhere. The changes overwhelmed me with blistering pace. An unfamiliar dorm, replaced my cozy room. Stark white paint, took the place of colorful David Beckham posters adorning my walls. Cadet College was a different world. Students from all walks of life flocked here, irrespective of their backgrounds. In a way it resembled the United States-it was a melting pot. I met people here who didn't have electricity back home and some who went for vacations in Maldives, but none from an English school; I was alone and dejected, and felt that no one understood me. I spent the first few weeks confined in a dorm-we could only go out for basic needs-that was the rule. Suddenly that little dorm was our world. As an Idealist, I would have constant heated arguments with my roommates. All of a sudden they would say something like, "The Hindus should not be allowed to perform puja (worship) in this country"-and off I would go, charging forward with everything I had- lambaste them with torrents of tirades.

As a month passed by, I gradually met the rest of my class; the people I was going to spend the next six years of my life with, and boy was I surprised. Through the next six years, these people became my closest friends. They were there beside me when I failed, and exuberant when I succeeded. We became more than friends; we became like family. Over the years, this place made us go through so many hurdles, that we became a unit, appreciative of each other's role. I realized people are more than their beliefs and opinions, and likes and dislikes.

I liked to believe that I was a person who promoted tolerance, equality and love. I thought I was helping people see through their prejudices. But in my pursuits, I never realized I created a new "prejudice".

Sometimes, trying to spread equality and tolerance, I undermined those who did not share the same values. It was a hypocrisy that engulfed me and suddenly, I was aware of it. My ideals were right but my actions were not. I was shoving my views down their throat, right or not.

These two schools shaped the person I am. I am not a totally different from the person I was six years. My iPod is still filled with tracks of Paramore and U2. I still shudder at the thought of actors, suddenly singing and dancing at the middle of a Bollywood flick. But Cadet College taught me, I didn't need a shared interest to love people; we needed respect and appreciation. It made me love the people, I hated for not loving everybody; it made me realize you can still be wrong, even if you are right. It taught me the lesson, I thought I was preaching.