Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by iacero
Name: Isabel Velazquez-Acero
Joined: Dec 27, 2013
Last Post: Dec 30, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 17  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America
School: Nightingale-Bamford

Displayed posts: 20
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iacero   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / Why Macalester? The website was what sparked the initial interest [5]

Sorry the prompt is: What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally? Feel free to draw on past experiences and use concrete examples to support your perspective.
iacero   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / Why Macalester? The website was what sparked the initial interest [5]

What factors have led you to consider Mac? Why do you believe it may be a good match and what can you add to Mac community personally and academically?

The website was what sparked the initial interest. It was the first college website that I liked because it gave two different types of information- what was happening in the college from classes to sports and information that a prospective student might want to know, like how many students do internships or that students come from 94 countries. After reading through all the "Why Mac" articles and about the Twin cities, I knew I had to visit Macalester to see if the atmosphere in the campus matched the one described on the website.

Participating in Macalester's Fall Sampler Extended program in September gave me the chance to learn more about the students, community, and neighborhood and city. I was able to sit in Intro to Linguistics where students were trying to define time with three different philosophies. And in First Year Seminar class: A Journey Into Latina/o Literature, they discussed The Brief and Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao and afterwards I was inspired to read the book and loved it. The teachers encouraged thoughtful conversation and were not afraid to have fun with students and prospective students. I even felt comfortable enough to participate in one of the classes. And when I wasn't in a class, I saw that there was truly something for everyone and that students could choose from a wide range of activities. During the day students would be studying or relaxing. And during the night they played and de-stressed. I joined the fun at Fritters and Critters- a midnight event where you stuff an animal and eat an apple fritter and at Bingo Movie Night.

With Macalester's diverse community I hope to share my passions and hobbies while gaining new ones along the way. To de-stress and relax I would join a game club to share my favorite board and video games or KAADAAT to continue to learn to dance. And to broaden my views while sharing my thoughts and opinions on the world and cultures surrounding me, I would join one of the many cultural, political, activist clubs, such as No labels, Feminists-In-Action, or Adelante! I would join Mac First Aid to promote safety among classmates, faculty and staff while finally having a chance to learn CPR and First Aid. Musically I would love to serenade the campus with new-found bagpipe skills or with my improving guitar skills.

And during class, I would share my perspective formed by going to an all-girl's school as a teenager, being raised in a Mexican culture, and from a love of reading that still persists. I would also help my classmates if they ever come to me with a question.
iacero   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / 'I have been knocked down by grief' Essay about moving on after a death in the family [5]

Who is Carla? I'm a bit confused over what happened. Did your grandma just die or died awhile ago or did someone Carla love die and you are trying to help her move on?

I know Spanish but I think it's too much for those who might not know, maybe there's enough context clues...

It sounds nice but I have no idea what's going on and that's not good.
iacero   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Ť Grains de philo ť Writing supplements dilmma! ; "Why Yale" [4]

Hi- Try not to use the same response- the main issue tends to be that you might not paste the correct name and you'll probably get an automatic rejection

Plus you have to write about specific things you like about the school.

I think the second one is OK, you should add a bit more detail to make it meatier.
Also don't say probably-be confident in the answer
or say that it is one of the best part/activity of my week.

For the first I agree with quanny. Say something specifically about Yale's program for environmental studies or some clubs/activities you'd like to join. Also ther is some grammar and phrasing problems.

Since I have knownI learned about Yale thru my science teacher in 8th grade, who referred to it as a place that could potentially solves the world's problems, I knew that Yale is where I belong. Few people understood my stubborn answer to 'What do you want to do in life' that permanently resulted in these four letters i think that this sentence is a bit awkward. Make it clearer that Yale was the answer---How was Yale the aswer? ; the luckiest were getting "School of Forestry & Environmental Studies"? This sentence is confusing to me . But I knew what I was aiming for: whether it is for its amazingly rich, diverse and open-minded student body, or its bright, praiseworthy and dedicated scholars, Yale is unquestionably where I would achieve more.
iacero   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Bursting My Bubble - "Intellectual Vitality" Stanford Supplement [11]

I agree with micelle.
You worry that your letter is laid-back when you describe yourself as laid back. You talk about yourself and the school so I think it's good.

For the first one
I think an anecdote is great. Vitality means strong and active- I think you show the active part by thinking on your feet on how to entertain the kid. Strong- well your essay is littered with scientific terms and it's well-written. So yes, I think your essay shows intellectual vitality.
iacero   
Dec 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / Both sides have very valid points; GUN CONTROL [2]

In your last paragraph you say you need to take a side, so what's your opinion? Make it clearer.
the killer had to two? nine millimeter pistol
iacero   
Dec 28, 2013
Graduate / 'The secret of success is constancy of purpose'; SOP for RISD MFA Graphic Design [3]

Is the prompt the quotation? I'm assuming it is...

While well written and descriptive, I think your essay risks sounding more like a resume or detailed list of accomplishments. I had to reread the first paragraph at the end to remind my self what was your consistent goal or purpose.

I think the last paragraph is a great conclusion since it ties in why you are applying.
iacero   
Dec 28, 2013
Undergraduate / I am a senior in highschool, yet I still cannot talk to girls; Common app [4]

If you're having trouble between the two maybe you can use the two of them. Maybe some supplements asked you to describe an activity or something but the point is you talked about golf so for those you could use your first one. And for the others the second one since it talks about your golfing passion. It's possible to do, if you want to.
iacero   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / "The day I bullied my mother" - Common App Essay Draft [6]

It's interesting and unique but I would be wary of your last sentence, specifically the God part. While you believe in God, your reader might be atheist or a someone who is vehemently against the idea of God.

" I remember when I used to go to places and rarely greeted people, maybe because I was a little shy. " I'm not sure why but this sentence sticks out. I almost want to say that it doesn't fit since you initially talk about anger but then again it sets up the contrast for your change in attitude. If no one else comments on the sentence then leave it be.

Also use a different word from dense, maybe complicated?

The title sounds intense and immediately cached my eye- leave it like that.
Overall I like your essay.
iacero   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / My personal discovery of historical misconceptions and hidden history [4]

I think this is a great response!

I would change "it came to my disappointment" to "I was disappointed"
and change "or" (in the first sentence) to "and" since you learned both.

Maybe you could add an example where you "learned further" but I don't think that it's really necessary.
iacero   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Favorite childhood book and why; Kalamazoo Sup [4]

Hi I need help choosing between two endings or if i should rewrite the ending entirely.

Filling out college applications is time consuming and requires a lot of thought. Let's go back to a time when learning was a pure joy. Please tell us your favorite childhood book and why.

When I was a child every second Friday of each month my brother and I would find a gift on our pillows. My father would buy a book for each of us and leave it wrapped on our pillows. It was always a joy to unwrap and read the book. This is how I met one of my favorite books El Alchimista: Primera Edicion Ilustrada by Paulo Coelho. It is a book about Santiago, a young sheepherder, who in the process of fulfilling his dream of traveling learns about Historia Personal and the Universo.

It is one of my favorite books because it had an unexpected prologue and has lessons that I still try to apply to my life. The prologue is the story of Narcissus - a beautiful boy that looks at his reflection at a lake and one day falls in and drowns. The prologue continues the story where it would have normally ended. Water nymphs mourn Narcissus' death and tell the lake how fortunate it was for being able to see Narcissus' beauty every day. The lake is confused and does not know who Narcissus is because it never looked at Narcissus; instead, it looked at its own beautiful reflection through Narcissus' eyes.

The prologue's unexpected ending is one whose meaning I am still trying to interpret. When I first read the prologue I thought the lake saw its own reflection but now I sometimes think it was seeing Narcissus reflection and thought it was its own reflection. No matter how many times I read it, I can never decide. I also like the fact that the prologue seems irrelevant to the main story on the surface.

Another reason I liked the book was because of its idea of Historia Personal or Personal Legend- which can be defined as one's destiny, goal, or purpose in life. Unlike other stories, a person's Personal History will not be automatically fulfilled or known. One must first find it and want to pursue it. Life and the Universe itself will then conspire to help you- whether one accepts the help, is up the person.

_____Ending One_______
Although I do not know what my main goal is, the Universe has not been ignoring me. For example, how I was able to participate in Prep for Prep, a rigorous academic program that aims to have the best students in public school, in private schools. My fifth grade teacher praised the program and talked about it frequently. My parents did not want me to apply because they heard people's negative experiences. But my teacher convinced them to at least let me try. She did not deny that a very negative experience could happen but the reward was greater. And years later, even if I was not successful, I would not regret the experience.

Two years later I was beginning the school year at a private school and my life was changed.
Ending Two-------------------------------------------------------
I do not know specifically what my goal in life is, but I believe that the universe has been helping me accomplish my smaller goals in life. When I was younger, I was interested by the Holocaust and always wanted to see and listen to a survivor. That came true when I was seventh grade and realized that my school dedicated a yearly lecture to listening to a survivor.

El Alchimista reminded me that my life can have fantastical aspects to it without having to live in a purely fantastical world.
iacero   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / TRIP TO COUNTRYSIDE; PERFECTLY CONTENT [3]

There are a lot of grammatical and vocabulary errors. Also I believe that it is not explained how the visit to the country side inspires a change in you- was it the realization to save environment or to share.

Also the prompt is not answered nor addressed.You talk about an experience, not a place that is comforting. You should start over or explain why the country side is comforting.

Or elaborate on how the comforting place led to a love of the environment and wanting to protect it.
iacero   
Dec 27, 2013
Undergraduate / My interview at Connecticut College; Why Connecticut College? [4]

You're looking for the right fit, and so are we. What, in particular, influences your desire to attend Connecticut College? (250 words max)

My interview at Connecticut College is what has most influenced my desire to attend. My interviewer was Eileen Stall'14 who took a French Film course, is president of a gaming club, and likes to play computer games. I was pleased to see that she had been able to indulge in all her interests, many of which coincided with mine.

Although I haven't taken a course about French Films, my class last year72 would watch a short film every unit and discuss how different they were from American short films. I would like to further explore those differences and learn more about the techniques and history behind the films in Connecticut's French Cinema course.

From there she told about SATA: Study Away, Teach Away. I was interested in the concept of studying away with the faculty and other classmates (instead of on your own, as most study abroad programs are) to learn about a country politically, socially, and economically while

We also talked about the many clubs available to participate in. Our conversation centered on the Gaming club and the variety of activities available on campus. Afterwards on the website, I found other clubs that I would be interested in such as the EMS club.

I can see myself at Connecticut College. From taking a class on French Film to actively participating in the clubs offered at Connecticut College. Eileen made me feel that Connecticut College was a great place to explore old interests and gain new ones along the way.
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