Undergraduate /
Lawyer or computer scientist - NYU Supplement for College of the Arts and Sciences! [3]
"A friend of my family influenced the interest of medicine into my head when I was younger and as I grew older I discovered the different doctor specializations and realized my love for both neurology and surgery."
I feel that you should remove: influenced the interest of medicine into my head when I was younger for. Instead you should write : A family friend triggered an interest in me for medicine
when i was a child. " A s I grew older I discovered the different doctor specializations and realized my love for both neurology and surgery" should be another sentence. You can write : As I grew older i became aware of the different medicine specializations and my love for neurology and surgery flourished.
" My high school is one of the most ethnically diverse schools around, and because of this I have learned to appreciate other cultures as well as learn about them."
You can change this sentence by writing: Coming from an ethnically diverse high school, I have learned the importance of appreciating and learning about diverse cultures.
"By attending NYU, I will be given the opportunity to learn about many different cultures as well be immersed in NYC (where the variety in cultures is endless) or possibly study in Shanghai where there is a myriad of cultures and religions that I am not accustomed to."
Write: Attending a unique institution like NYU, I will be offered the opportunity to learn about various cultures as well the opportunity to immerse myself in a city that has a great wealth of cultural variety or to study in Shanghai where there is a myriad of cultures and religions to learn from.
Overall, I like how you state your passions, how they came about, and how you plan to pursue them through NYU.