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Posts by cag18
Name: Andrea
Joined: Dec 30, 2013
Last Post: Jan 1, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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cag18   
Jan 1, 2014
Undergraduate / shows like Lizzie McGuire - BOSTON COLLEGE SUPPLEMENT [2]

Content is good, just made a few grammatical suggestions. Also, you use the words forever and teenager a lot, I know they're two words that are central to your main theme, but maybe try to cut down the number of times you use them. Overall really good!

i feel that you develop yourr idea very well
just some grmmar mistakes as mentioned above
cag18   
Jan 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Better to be underrated by people or to be overrated by them? [4]

I like where the idea and examples are going but i feel you should define and expand on them a bit more.
The tense is a bit off such when you say evaluators underestimate them and on the next sentence you don't continue with the same sentence : However, if the evaluators consider us .

Find a better way to connect it.
Overall your idea and examples are good.
cag18   
Dec 31, 2013
Undergraduate / interaction between teacher and student - Johns Hopkins Undergrad essay [3]

Overall the content is good.

"Early in my college search, I discovered that I prefer liberal arts colleges to larger universities." - I feel you should take that sentence away

"Johns Hopkins however, although not a liberal arts college, the uniqueness of its atmosphere allows the academic experience at Hopkins to be highly personalized, similar to that of a small liberal arts college, but with all the amenities and opportunities of a larger research institution. "- Here you should take away the "however", put a coma after John Hopkins and after" although not a liberal arts college, " you should write "has the"

Im not sure if here "I dear not forget to mention Hopkins' remarkable international study abroad program " you meant dare instead of dear????
cag18   
Dec 31, 2013
Undergraduate / The cars salesman - common app essay [5]

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

As far as I can remember, every time my parents would trade in our family car for a new one I would react in an uneasy manner. Going to the car dealership and getting inside different vehicles with their new car scent was exciting but as the visit came to an end things would take somewhat of an ugly turn. The first time I experience this was when we traded in our Toyota SUV for a Ford SUV. It ended with me embarrassingly sobbing in front of my family and the cars salesman. This kind of reaction would always occur when my parents would buy a new car. It made me feel nostalgic, longing for what used to be. In a way it felt as if a chapter in my life that I enjoyed was closing.

Similar situations that dealt with change came about throughout my adolescence. When it came to losing old friends and making new ones, it was a difficult task for me because I was not sure how to handle these kinds of situations. As I grew up, I came to realize that I was not very receptive to change. I got rid of the sobbing but it still made me feel uneasy. I realized that there are two kinds of change: positive change and negative change. A negative change involves regress instead of progress. Opposed to a negative change, positive change involves progress instead of regression. This new concept encouraged me to face change with a new attitude and see the good in it. I found that change enables me to grow as an individual. Once I welcomed change into my life, I was able to confront new challenges in a positive way. This led me to change aspects about my life such as having more involvement in school activities and clubs. I allowed myself to become much more of an open minded person and gain new perspectives on various matters. This, in turn, transformed into an individual with a diverse set of ideas and values. Change is essential for the development and analysis of ones character. It taught me that if I was not willing to adapt to change, I would remain stuck in one place and not evolve in character. Internal changes are sometimes the biggest changes you can make on the way to becoming the person you want to be, and some of the hardest to accept or explain

This realization has enabled me to embark on a new chapter in my life as I prepare for college. I learned that sometimes it is best to be taken out of your comfort zone cause that's when you are tested. College entails many exciting opportunities for me. I will have the opportunity to meet and learn from new people who each have unique stories to tell. It represents a next phase in my life where I will acquire new knowledge and make new memories. Change allowed me to improve as a person and helped solidify what I stand for. By embracing change, I was able to learn, not limit myself, and become fearless.
cag18   
Dec 31, 2013
Undergraduate / Lawyer or computer scientist - NYU Supplement for College of the Arts and Sciences! [3]

"A friend of my family influenced the interest of medicine into my head when I was younger and as I grew older I discovered the different doctor specializations and realized my love for both neurology and surgery."

I feel that you should remove: influenced the interest of medicine into my head when I was younger for. Instead you should write : A family friend triggered an interest in me for medicine

when i was a child. " A s I grew older I discovered the different doctor specializations and realized my love for both neurology and surgery" should be another sentence. You can write : As I grew older i became aware of the different medicine specializations and my love for neurology and surgery flourished.

" My high school is one of the most ethnically diverse schools around, and because of this I have learned to appreciate other cultures as well as learn about them."

You can change this sentence by writing: Coming from an ethnically diverse high school, I have learned the importance of appreciating and learning about diverse cultures.

"By attending NYU, I will be given the opportunity to learn about many different cultures as well be immersed in NYC (where the variety in cultures is endless) or possibly study in Shanghai where there is a myriad of cultures and religions that I am not accustomed to."

Write: Attending a unique institution like NYU, I will be offered the opportunity to learn about various cultures as well the opportunity to immerse myself in a city that has a great wealth of cultural variety or to study in Shanghai where there is a myriad of cultures and religions to learn from.

Overall, I like how you state your passions, how they came about, and how you plan to pursue them through NYU.
cag18   
Dec 30, 2013
Undergraduate / My passion for the human body - Johns Hopkins Supplement [2]

. From that point on, I started to study the human body in my free time, whether it was from (reading) textbooks, glancing upon the various posters of the human body taped on my bedroom walls, or even looking through my dad's books on medicine.

I think it would be better if you placed reading before textbooks sp the whole sentence can have parallelism.
The one moment that really influenced my decision to pursue medicine was when I overheard a conversation by two doctors.
Maybe here you can remove "the one" and "really" and be like the defining moment that influenced....
Overall, I think you greatly show how your passion developed and increased over time.
cag18   
Dec 30, 2013
Undergraduate / My place or environment - Tumbler come to life - Common App [5]

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

Cruising through the streets, a million images appear before me. Children play in the park while their mothers supervise and a pack of dogs wander endlessly through an abandoned dirt-filed lot. The Velvet Underground's album, "The Velvet Underground and Nico", serves as the soundtrack to the scenery (or The scenery is set to the soundtrack of....). As the car turns sideways, I see cars lining up at the gas station, elderly ladies going grocery shopping with their pink plastic grocery bags, people exiting the town bank, and multitude of fast food restaurants at each side of the street. I hear students laughing as they head to school and cars honking as families desperately wait to receive their order through McDonald's drive-thru. As night paints the town, the city lights illuminate the streets. The car comes to a stop as the traffic lights ahead of us turn red. All this sceneries present themselves as I am seated in my car's passenger seat.

In the comfort of a car's passenger seat, I am presented with a window to the outside world where I am able to view and appreciate my surroundings. Whether it is a road trip or drive to the local supermarket, I am excited about the journey ahead. Just to see so many images fascinate me and fills me with ideas. It is a way to escape from stressful situations and to find relieve. The state I find myself in a car seat enables me to be free from distractions that might present themselves otherwise somewhere else. With time to fully concentrate on my thoughts, I am able to gain a clear perspective on several matters that might trouble me. My mind is free to wander and be creative. A million ideas and thoughts race through my mind. It is also a very nostalgic place for me because I am reminded of past experiences while on family road trips. The surrounding scenery triggers old memories to come back. Sceneries of nature come to mind. Through the passenger seat, I come in contact with nature and my surroundings. Photos I see as I scroll down on Tumblr come to life.

Thanks to the passenger seat I become fully aware of my environment. Being aware of my environment is important to me because I feel that my surroundings and neighborhood reveals much about my identity. Observing nature and how people behave has always been a passion of mine. This kind of experience has transformed into an observant individual. I love to see how people interact with each other daily. To learn how the environment influences their actions and way of thought. Through the passenger seat, I am able to quench my thirst for learning. Roaming through the streets offers a different type of learning that goes beyond the four walls of a classroom. Seeing all these different activities going on around me inspires wonder and questions in me. Seeing all these different activities going on around me inspires wonder and questions in me. Questions that ask how a certain place came to be and how it has changed since come to mind. From the smallest and most mundane things possible inspiration is found. The car passenger seat serves as an influence for me to be a well-rounded and diverse individual.
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