Undergraduate / overview about educational and life experiences [10]

Hi

Ok so basically I need to know if they say my essay should be double spaced and between 2 to 5 pages long and I have to talk about the following things, how long should the essay be?

- overview of educational and life experiences
- Why I wish to return or not to my home country
- any special financial circumstances that I would like the college to consider when diciding how much financial aid if any I will recieve.
- What I want to do upon completing my studies

I already wrote it and it is three pages long so do you think I should cut it down more?

I was also wondering is there any chance that I can contact via email one of the contributers so he/she reads my essay and tells me what they think about it?. My college says that I can not have anyone helping wirte or edit my essay (which I don't want) but I don't have anyone I can show it to.

Thanks is advance and please someone let me contact you via email, it is very important.

Writing Feedback / Is it better to move around or to stay in one place? toefl essays [5]

Hello

I have my toefl exam this friday and I have been practicing for the writing section. I would appreciate if you could tell me whether I have improved since the first essay and what other things you believe I need to work on.

Many thanks.

Topic: Is it better to move around or to stay in one place?

"enriching our knowledge about the world and its inhabitants, can be of great help in our lives"

I recall that only about three years ago, the thought of going to college in the united states appeared in my mind. Ever since then, I begun to imagine my life there. I envisaged a successful career, luxuries, and comfort. I also thought of all the opportunities that were going to be thrown out to me. Now that I am a senior in high school, I've began to work on that dream I had three years ago, and I now realize how fortunate I was to have set a goal for my life.

Without doubt, my perspectives of the world and what until now has been presented to me will change enormously, but as a prospective international business major, I have come to see what a great culture I am going to achieve and how these new perspectives and cultures are going to forge what I like to call a citizen of the world.

I believe however, that one should not attempt to build new viewpoints of the world in an aimlessly and recklessly way, because not only would we be risking our economic lives, but also a lack of commitment to goals and even life itself, would start coming up.

We must begin to erect our future by listening to our instincts but it is imperative that we organize them and convert them into a really useful life project.

Topic: What events make a person an adult?

When we are children, we claim that when one turns eighteen, one becomes an adult. However, when we reach that age, the word adult seems incredibly far for us. Therefore I conted that this event that occurs to all of us at one point in our lives, does not difine us as adults.

First of all, there are many more important events in life that could title us as adults. For instance, I recall when my cousin graduated from high school at the age of sixteen. It was still two years before she could officialy be considered a grown up. She had a profund desire to go to college. Sadly, her financial circumstances did not permitted her to do so. Instead, she was forced to work to help her parents with the household expenses, and the opportunity to attain a college degree, faded away. She was denied the chance to develop her intelectual skills but she assumed it with the maturity and responsability the circumstances requeried.

In addition to the previous point, not all "adults" behave as they are supposed to. I knew a lady that was thirty years old, and one day I asked her what were her dreams back in high school. My astonishment was great, when she told me she did not really have a defined dream. She said what she only cared for in high school was to fit in. Therefore, she spent imitating her friends and now that she was thirty, she did not know what do to with her life.

In conclusion, the event which happens to everybody at one point in their lives, does not make them adults. We have more vital moments in our lives that makes us adults. Moreover, there are people who do not behave according to their grown-up title.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship. Use specific reasons and examples to support you answer.

Many people state that the most common factor for telationship break-ups is lying. On the other hand there are still those who maintain that hey tell lies to protect the ones they love. However, I strongly believe that to have a succesful relationship with anyone, it is imperative to be truthful at all times.

To begin with, sometimes we allow people to lie to us. When I think about lies, I can not help but imagine a friend I had last year. At the end of the term, out teacher assigned a final work. My friend and I met at her house, but in consequence of family issues, we were unable to do anything. I phoned her the nest day to arrange another meeting, but she declined my request and said she could not see me for the rest of the weekend. Althought I knew she was lying to me, I did not take it seriously. Instead, I resolved to do all the job by myself. Two weeks after we presented the work, I had a bid surprise. Our teacher asked how we had splitted the work between us. I explained her and it turns out that the part I said my friend did was perfect, but mine had very noticeable mistakes. I spent wider time working on the other part and when I got to the next, I was already exhausted. I got a bad grade because of that, and my friend was picked as best student.

Also, lies tend to become bigger. It has occured to many people that they worsen a certain situation by telling more lies. For instance, when your mother asks you to go grocery store and when you come back you claim that the money was enough to buy the items. Most times, mom does not buy what you say, so you tell her you bought some candy. However, that does not work either. At the end, you finish grounded for two weeks.

Finally, honesty is the key to enriching and valuable relationships. Therefore, we must not permit to be lied to. Lies often deepen already existing problems.

- Topic: are parents best teachers?

When we come to this world, life assigns us two individuals who are in charge of educating us about the world. Sadly, some people miss the chance to have a roll model they can base on. Fortunately, my experience with my parents has been awesome, and I have learned many things from them.

Parents ground you because you bahave wrongly. As a child, I used to believe that when my parents punish me, they were becoming tired of me. Nevertheless, now that I am older, I see what they were trying to do. When I arrived to their lives, they became responsible for me. I was new in the world. Whatever I did was a reflection of them, a reflection of their culture, education adn morals.

Personally, I sometimes feel embarrass of my parents. The remembrance of my ninth grade graduation still causes a blush on my cheeks. Upon the entering to the place the ceremony was being held, my parents stopped and photographed me. The catch is: everybody was staring at us. Not for the moment when my parents took the picture, but because the ceremony organizers strictly told us photographs were due at the end of the event. Parents has to be seated throughout the entire event. I guess I was awarded with really caring and loving parents and about that short moment of embarrassment I would let it occur again.

I had real good models to learn from. When they grounded me, they were just trying to make of me a better person. Even with a little embarrassment they always showed me love.

- Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Animals should be free; people should not keep them in zoos. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Many people state that zoos are a great asset to animals. Others believe that they are inferior creatures and therefore do not deserve our attention. In my opinion, we must help animals live safely and comfortably in their own environment.

Many scientific studies have revealed the detriment that zoos have caused to animals. Firstly, like we, human beings, animals are delivered to this world with genetic instincts. Skills which help them live and survive in their residing areas. When we captivate animals and put them to live a style of life that they are unfamiliar with, they begin to loose those in-born instincts. Hence, when they are released or in the worst case, when they escape, they act disorientated and this contributes to the animal mortality rate.

In addition to the previous point, various zoos do not have the proper implements or policies that assure the quality of animal care. For instance, I recall my first trip to a zoo, at age eight. I was shocked by the cruelty which animals were treated. I can not think of any staff memeber who did not have an improper behaviour towards the animlas in the zoo. They beat them up because they did not wanted to eat their meals and then excused themselves saying that it was a way to train the animals.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that we have to assit animals and provide them the best quality of life possible. Scientific facts showed the damage that zoos can inflict on animals. Moreover, many zoos do not meet the standards of care required for them.

Undergraduate / About experience, country, education - How should I write this essay? [4]

Hello you guys, well let me start by telling you, that I really appreciate your help with the previous essays, I really learnt things that I had never considered doing when writing an essay.

I have to write my college application essay, but I am sure how can I write it. This is what the essay should contein:

-An overview of your educational and life experiences
-What you plan to do upon completing your education
-Why you wish to return (or not return) to your home country

I wanted to ask whether it would sound too cliché if I write about my father abandoning me and my family, how it affected us. A very close person's alcohol problem, and how it helped make the decision that I never want to drink and get wasted. I am doubtful about the alcohol issue because I don't want it to sound like I am desperately trying say that I am not the kind of person who drinks and causes problems or is going to fail in academics (I want them to know that but I do not want it to sound desperate), plus the college has a dry policy. I also don't know how should I write my educational experiences and I am not sure if it would be a problem to say that I don't want to return to my home country, what should I write about this?

thank you.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: what would you change of your former high school? [14]

hey you guys, this is the other essay I had to write, I have to title it but I stilll do not know what title to put. I have a question, if they said write an essay of at least one page, is it not good if I write more than one?

This is the topic: If you had the opportunity to reform your former high school, what would you change? Why? How would the education of the students at your school be better as a result?

...

Undergraduate / A time-travel machine to go back in time in your own life and change something [22]

hey well I am from Colombia and I am applying to get accepted in a program which will help me finance costs so I can apply to college in the US so I had to do an essay about this:

A3. If someone invented a time-travel machine that allowed you to go back in time in your own life, and change something that either you or someone else did that has had a direct impact on your life, what would you change, and why? Reflect briefly in your conclusion on whether you think such a machine would be an asset or a detriment to society.

I also don't know if I should title it.

A SHIFT THAT COST ME A CHERISHED FRIEND

Decisions form a significant part in everybody's existence. Sometimes these decisions improve our lives, and sometimes they don't, but we must consider that perfection does not comprise the life of anyone and that we all have committed mistakes of which hopefully we learned from.

Most of us appreciate errors because afterwards we try to avoid them in the future, and also because of the precious morals that we picked up to include in our decision-making and enhance our lives. However, I cannot deny my desires to change a specific situation about my past.

After the unsatisfactory effort of parents to encounter me a school, they ordered me to attend to whatever institution that they wanted regardless of my opinion.

Doubtlessly, the first day of school becomes unforgettable. The four-flour building with Its faded beige-brown painting and its streaked walls reminded me to the horrifying primary school shown in the movie "Matilda", which inspired instead of joy and excitement, sadness and discouragement.

The inside looked passable. The play field was significantly large, the classrooms owned a proper decoration and the teachers gave the impression of being kind. Although the impact wasn't as big, you still expected Mrs. Trunchbull's appearance and her terrifying discipline.

When I entered, my uneasiness could show itself. The week resulted awful to me because I didn't know niether the people nor the setting.

The remembrance of my behaviour during the first weeks still causes me laughter and a slight blush on my cheeks. I remember that for almost two weeks I sat next to the teacher's desk on the floor. I must have seemed a troubled boy there.

After some days, she had me sit on a desk with the other kids and made an effort to help me break the ice with my classmates. that's when I met him. I will always recall and value that from him. Out of all the children there, he talked to me first and that facilitated me the adjustment. I handled to stay at the school.

He asked why I sat on the floor for all those days, and I told him that I just felt it safe and ok there, he replied, ok and he asked me, Do you want to play? I said yes and we began to fool around. It meant so much that he showed careless about me sitting on the floor like a silly boy.

We did everything together after that, like a dynamic duo, and we remained very good friends for a long time. Unfortunately, years later due to various issues between us, we got apart.

A very unpleasant, undesirable, and unhealthy year ended. By that time we would only greet each other, the talk between us seemed no talk at all, but despite that, I still thought of him as close friend.

The construction of the school by my neighborhood finished and all my friends in the block started to make plans on how great it was going to be being all together at school. I began to recall the lonelyness, and dislike of my prior school year, so I decided to drop out of it and start over.

Indeed, throughout the next years I lived wonderful experiences that I am sure I will forget but I often wonder whether it was my fault that our friendship prevailed unfixed because I did not keep in touch. Then it comes to my mind that almost a year and a half later after I left, when we saw each other again, niether of us tried to say hello, perhaps the moment filled of awkwardness, or maybe he didn't want to get in touch anymore.

That situation provokes restlessness in my mind because it upsets me to see, how you pass by someone you knew, like you had never met. For that reason if I were given the option to go back in time and change the moment I saw him again, I would take it as awkward as it might be, because friends like him cannot be easily found, and I don't want to feel that I was the one who messed our friendship up.

Sometimes, certain circumstances drive us to our limits and make us think that we will explode, but then we are offered a chance to evade and explosion and we opt to take it without think it through, and maybe later we will second-guess that offered chance and may want to modify it.

To conclude, making decisions no matter whether we feel certain about it or not, is not entirely terrible, most of all if later we find out that we did a mistake because the important fact is that we will be able to acknowledge it and take responsibility on it. That in my opinion means matureness on us. However every person's wishes and decisions vary and I consider that if we really resent something we did in the past and it has affected our lives, then using a time-travel machine to go back and modify it, would not be wrong, plus if such action will improve one person's daily life, then so be it. Satisfied and undisturbed people is what this society needs. It all depends on the decision and how it affects the person.

Ivan Suarez