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Posts by ravenleighann
Name: Raven Lynn
Joined: Jan 8, 2014
Last Post: Jan 14, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 9  
From: United States of America
School: University

Displayed posts: 10
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ravenleighann   
Jan 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Essay about my classmate - English Essay [3]

To start your essay began with talking about her life background as

she is from thailand

our worlds are very different in the perspective of many people. Once you establish her background began to incorporate her educational experience and achievements

studied at the architecture (she has a bachelor degree) , she is also has bachelor degree of art

and if there where any challenges for her to achieve these two degrees. If any challenges where faced write about them.

she thinks that our goals in live can change us )).
she thinks that she should study english to become success .
she thinks that money can change the people

Also don't forget to add her thoughts or beliefs.
Overall you have key points just use them to your advantage and bring in details to convey an essay
ravenleighann   
Jan 14, 2014
Scholarship / UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY; Scholarship essay [5]

I really feel this is great, if your wanted to add anywhere I would say add other short term goal examples. Your essay is showing how you're not doing the norm of your heritage of becoming a home-maker, you instead want to continue your education even though you have become a teen mom. The short term goals of reading a number of chapters before a lesson is due is a good one stated. I may be looking at the question wrong but I feel your wants of pursuing an education is different than your heritage if so explore factors that show the expected actions and the actions you are actually taking to achieve your long term goal. I hope this doesn't confuse you.
ravenleighann   
Jan 14, 2014
Scholarship / Statement explaining why I'm interested in pursuing my education abroad. [4]

What is your motivation I couldn't find it. I see that your reading and math skills contribute to the career path you're interested in. What do you hope to gain from this experience? When approaching a prompt with multiple questions try to not take it as one, answer each question separately and bring it together as a developed essay.
ravenleighann   
Jan 13, 2014
Research Papers / Human resources research paper - how to do powerpoint presentation? [4]

Your presentation will depend on your interest and the access you can get to pursue solid research of your topic.
When doing a presentation make sure to always remember think smarter not harder. Presentations are meant to be used as an tool to persuade/ amplify the message at hand, minimize time, and give information straight to the point. Visual images are also nice. When determining your topic also remember you want to present something you're comfortable with, yes it's good to step out of your comfort zone just keep in mind if questions are asked you would like to have the answers for those ready. Many times are doing a powerpoint I review it to see if there's certain obvious questions that could of been answered instead of waiting for someone to ask. Hope this helped.
ravenleighann   
Jan 10, 2014
Scholarship / As a young mother with a newborn ; Scholarship essay [3]

PROMPT: Submit an essay of 750 words or fewer, addressing the following questions: How will receiving the C_____ C_______ impact your ability to go to college? How will earning a college degree impact your future? How do you think you will contribute to the University?

MY DRAFT: As a young mother with a newborn I've had to sacrifice many things from my social life and old habits that wouldn't provide a safe environment for my child to my teenage life in general. One thing I'm happy to not sacrifice is my education and my motivation to go to college and better my life. I come from a family where my father had not completed high school and my mother has received her associates and am back in school to receive another degree. As an individual I've always allowed my parents lack of an education motive me to become something better from getting an education. Receiving the c_____ c________ will provide financial support to go to school; it will allow me to follow my dream of entering the medical field, and accomplishing my biggest goal of becoming a pediatrician.

Earning a college degree will impact my life only in a positive way. As of now having my CNA I feel I have options but they are narrow. A college degree will broaden this narrow opening. It will provide better job opportunities which will provide for better stability as a single mother. Earning a college degree will make me that much closer to my career. This will not only impact my future but my daughter's future. I live by the motto that the sky is the limit. Earning my college degree will show I've reached part of that limit with many more to go. The degree will show my daughter that I didn't give up on my education. Instead I used my situation as motivation for the better ahead.

As a young African American mother, I feel I will be able to contribute many attributes to the University ranging from my perspective as a mother to my perspective as a student. Once becoming a mother, my mindset changed from all about me to all about her. I strive to do better in any situation I encounter for a better standing future for my daughter. I feel I will be able to bring encouragement and support to those young mothers as well as receive support. We will have a shared bond to relate and empathize with. The University has an organization called Women4Women that has a mission is to improve the health and economic well-being of women and girls by increasing awareness, expanding resources and creating solutions to strengthen our University community. I feel from my background and experiences I will not only be able to contribute to this mission I will also be able to promote growth mentally and emotionally for myself and other women
ravenleighann   
Jan 10, 2014
Undergraduate / "What is it like being a triplet?" REVIEW MY COMMON APP ESSAY! What should I change? [2]

Personally I feel you have a strong essay. I'm not a triplet but I have friends who are twins and they battle daily to form their own identity. This essay gives insight to a multiples mindset but it still shows you through it. Your actions are inspiring. Don't let being an multiple define you find yourself because you may be one of three, but you're still ONE just as anyone else.
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