Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 1: meat and poultry consumption [2]

Question: The graph below shows trends in US meat and poultry consumption.
(ignore the forecast and treat 2012 as a past year)

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My answer:

The line graph compares the per capita consumption of different meat, namely beef, pork, brollers and turkey in each year in the US.

It is clear that beef was by far the most popular of 4 types of meat for the majority of the 57-year period, whereas turkey was least popular. Another noticeable feature is that the average consumption of beef and brollers varied considerably, while the figures for turkey and pork remained relatively stable over the period as a whole.

Between the years of 1961 and 1976, the beef yearly consumption per capita increased dramatically, to a maximum of just under 90 pounds in 1976. During the same period, the pork's figures fluctuated between 40 and 50 pounds whereas the figures for turkey remained below 10 pounds.

After 1976, beef saw a considerable decrease in its yearly per person consumption, reaching approximately 50 pounds by the end of 2012. By contrast, the figures for brollers peaked in the year 2009 at just under 60 pounds, before falling back to 55 pounds per person per year in 2012. There were no significant changes in the trends for turkey and pork.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: video games provide harmless fun [4]

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

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Nowadays, computer games are becoming a popular topic among kids. People have have different views about whether or not students should be encouraged to play them. My view is that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are three reasons why those conservative teachers are against video games. Firstly video games, especially multi-player online games, are completely time-consuming as students learn nothing by spending time playing meaningless games. In this way, video games can delay the development of a student's career in the futeure as he or she will not accquire sufficent skills such as interpersonal communication and mathmatics. Secondly, computer games is a main reason for the reduction of outdoor activities because students tend to contact each other in-game and less likely to have face to face interactionsl. Finally, compared to video games, there are other choices which are much more meaningful. For example, people who take painting and music as their hobbies tend to solve problems in a more creative and brillient way in contrast to those who spent all their time on computer games.

On the other hand, I would have to support various advantages that video games can offer. Firstly, multi-player online games provide the oppoturnity for kids to collaborate with other players as a team member. This may benefit their career development later as skills, such as social contact, are key requirments to enter large companies. Secondly, a lot of social network services providers, for example Facebook, have already intergrated onlie games into their own network systems. In other words, it is efficient and sometimes even necessary to maintain connections and make new friends online by playing games they provide. Finally, we can leverage computer games to improve the quality of education. Some famous online learning systems, which are extensively applied among high schools, are deliberately designed to be game-like in order to motivate students to work much harder by introducing subsystems from games such as experence bar and level-up system.

(For the 'finally' part, it is easier to talk something about contribution to the prosperity of Internet industry. But I would like to challenge myself by talking something difficult. I do not know if I made my point clear enough. The idea basically came from a talk: talks/seth_priebatsch_the_game_layer_on_top_of_the_world )

In conclusion, I think vedio games should not be banned at school due to several benefits that they can offer.

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focus on grammars, guys!

Writing Feedback / IELTS: animal experiments & animal rights [7]

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, animal tests are extensively used for medicine testing and others fields. It is still unanswered whether the use of animals for human advantages is ethically valid. I believe that a limited amount of such experiments should be carried out.

On the one hand, there are three main reasons why animal activists are against animal tests. Firstly, the benefits of scientific research using animals do not justify the suffering and even death caused consequently. Secondly, animals do not deserve to be owned as pets or be treated as experimental subjects as they are innocent beings living on this planet in the same way as we do. Instead, they bear moral rights and they should be treated with respect by human beings. Finally, a technology or product verified by animal tests does not imply the safety on humans as different experimental subjects would lead to totally different results. Moreover, there are various alternatives to do researches without animal subjects. For example, computer simulation is one of such powerful measures that can offer the feasibility to carry out experiments effectively and repeatedly.

On the other hand, those experiment promoters may support animal tests for several reasons. Firstly, they argue that compared to animal rights, the development of medical services and social welfare should be given more importance. For example, each year, thousands of lives have been reported to be saved from fatal diseases by means of advanced medical technologies where animal tests were involved. Secondly, animal tests are extensively applied in most of the scientific researches and technology invention which even may considerably benefit those who are against those experiments. Finally, there are ongoing projects which endeavor to minimize the suffering that animals experience during the tests.

In summary, several measures should be used to guarantee that animal tests are morally acceptable. Otherwise, we would lose our sense of morality and sense of justice.

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Please focus on grammatical error plz. My gramma is quite weak especially preposition. Thanks in advance !

Writing Feedback / IELTS: technology affects people's interaction with each other [8]

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

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It is true that newly-invented technologies have been changing the way we communicate. In my view, technology has affected people's relationship in various ways and the effects can be either positive or negative.

New technologies, especially in the fields of network and telecommunication, have considerable impacts on education industry, the way we collaborate and individual's social contact. Firstly, distance education provides accessibility of information no matter where we are. For example, online courses, such as TED and coursera, are capable to offer a cornucopia of lectures to satisfy one's curiosity about knowledge and information. Secondly, Skype and other office oriented software can deliver the feasibility for experts from different locations, or even countries, to brainstorm together and solve over-complicated problems. Finally, people tend to rely more on social network services than ever before to maintain personal relationships and make new friends.

On the one hand, the effects can be positive. Teleworking enables employees to communicate more efficiently to improve productivity. Moreover, online studying systems can provide the accessibility to well-organized courses for students from rural area and the quality of education can be guaranteed. On the other hand, I believe social network services, such has Facebook and twitter can also have negative consequences. For example, people tend to stay inside in their own rooms rather than talking to each other face to face. Social network is one of the main reasons for the reduction of outdoor activities. Also, online information is not always authentic. For example, some people may deliberately distribute fault information online in order to gain illegal profit.

In conclusion, new technologies certainly have had huge impacts on how we build connections and how we work together. However, the outcomes are not always good.