Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Hiruni
Name: Hiruni Liyanage
Joined: Jul 26, 2014
Last Post: Aug 8, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 14  
Likes: 3
From: Sri Lanka
School: Newstead girls college

Displayed posts: 17
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Hiruni   
Aug 8, 2014
Grammar, Usage / Some sentence meaning questions [5]

Meaning of "Straight past"

Please can somebody tell me the meaning of this sentence.

"Tom seemed to be looking straight past me at the wall"

I also want to have a clear idea about "straight past"
Hiruni   
Aug 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'Travel is the thing, that makes you richer' - Semester at Sea Essay [2]

I was raised and born in a family of four about an hour outside of Philadelphia.

I think the number of your family members is irrelevant.

you have repeated your idea. and i barely see a structure here. try to make at least 3 paragraphs. Here i can see that, you can divide this in to 4 paragraphs.

Paragraph 1 - Hook, paraphrased prompt, and your view. ( i think you have given a interesting hook here, but your prompt is not clear)
Paragraph 2 - start it from here "This transition in my life instilled a fire inside of me..."
Paragraph 3 -
Paragraph 4 - conclusion "Semester at Sea will provide me ...."

I hope this is helpful, anyway this is only my opinion, as i am a student, i could be wrong :)
on the other hand i really felt your urge to travel :)

Mod's comment:Making two comments one after another is not allowed - please use the edit option and add what you need instead
Hiruni   
Aug 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Not only mother is giving her time and energy to nourish and raise children [3]

PS- I divided Paragraphs from where it says " However in some cultures and countries, mothers are more involved in bringing up "
but the site doesn't show that. However in my original essay there are 4 paragraphs.

Introduction- where the Prompt as well as my opinion
Body
Body
conclusion


I really Wish i have improved this time.
Hiruni   
Aug 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Not only mother is giving her time and energy to nourish and raise children [3]

Prompt - Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as mush as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?"


Why fathers parenting are less appreciated? One major answer to this is fathers tend to have responsibilities which take him away from their children. This has brought the fact that mothers are more responsible for bringing the children up. Although in dynamic society it is not only man takes the economic control of the family but also the woman. Therefore racing children has come to a stage where both parents equally take part in.

However in some cultures and countries, mothers are more involved in bringing up children while fathers hold the financial burden alone. This leads them to spend a little time with their children, resulting a weak father-child relationship. Nevertheless it is also believed that women are more domain to decide to have children or not, fertilizes this situation furthermore. Anyhow I believe that this opinion is outraged. In the sophisticated world equipped with modern technology, father is powerful as mother to decide to have children.

But undoubtedly the natural process where woman holds the baby in her womb for almost a year, gives the mother to attach with the infant more dearly and emotionally which built a great foundation to her relationship with the child. Althought for the better psychological and physical development of the child father should also take an equal part in their life. To facilitate that father can share more joy by doing activities such as playing with them, read to them, go picnics and camping etc.

Anyhow to conclude this with my personal opinion , I believe that how much fathers are not involved to parenting, when children grow up they realize that it was not only mother who gave her time and energy to make them nourished and built but also their farther.

word count - 291
If I'm not asking too much please rate this essay in a scale of 1-9.
Thank you for your time and contribution.
Hiruni   
Jul 31, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 'ancient people lived a natural life' - Now it's easier to maintain health [3]

Lovely essay, :) but here are some mistakes i saw.

" Furthermore, modern people enjoysenjoy a better quality life "

"They even ate uncooked meat. Indisputably, modern foods overweighsoverweigh ancient foods in several aspects

"If I had nightmare yesterday night," a nightmare or nightmares

" ,my phone will tell me how much "sleep debt" I'm owingI owe even remind me to take a nap during the noon
Hiruni   
Jul 31, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - people are way more disparate at the exterior contrary to what they are inside [4]

Nicely narrated, i like your essay. :)
however i would like to point out some grammar errors.

" ItsIt's the behavior of a person that describes him , not his looks. "

" In ana personal encounter I experienced "

" Once a beggar with a broken leg asked me for money and being kind-hearted , I offered him the change I had."
Hiruni   
Jul 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'the chart also predicts the proportions in 2040' - quantity of the population aged 65 [6]

First of all i would like to say THANK YOU for all the people who gave valuable feedback to my previous essay and for the warm welcome.

To this report I am so grateful if you can rate this from a scale of 1 to 9.

Prompt - The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph illustrates the quantity of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 to the present as well as to the future up to 2040 in three different nations.

It is evident that in 1940 the aged population over 65 was below 10 percent in all three countries while USA depicted the highest value of 9%. After that the proportions of USA and Sweden increased to a peak in 1980, where USA represented 15% while Sweden was also managed to come near to that point. During this period Japan showed a slight draw back, by keeping the same position between three countries.

However the chart also predicts the proportions in 2040 which are contradictory to the past. According to that Japan bears the highest amount over 25% while Sweden and USA are in that order respectively. The transition of Sweden over USA showed before 2000, and it is predicted to be the same till 2040. In contrast Japan shows a slow increase until 2030, when the values starts to rocket to the highest point in 2040.




Hiruni   
Jul 28, 2014
Undergraduate / "CHILD HAUS" - ESSAY FOR ATENEO APPLICATION FORM [3]

" It felt so good to release so much pleasure, by singing a simple yet powerful song. As we get off the stage we were relieved that no one fainted. "

here i don't see the necessity of passive voice.

we Felt so much relieve , that no one fainted.
Hiruni   
Jul 28, 2014
Undergraduate / "CHILD HAUS" - ESSAY FOR ATENEO APPLICATION FORM [3]

Nice essay,, I really felt the joy, you had in Haus.

still, i saw some mistakes in writing, first thing is, i realized that you have repeated certain words within a sentence. for example

"I have come to discover that I am a person, an existing life form, and a human being that is living in this extra-ordinary world that is full of happiness."

"But even though he does not have any legs, he was still joyful and happy"

"We realized that even though we just stayed there for 2-3 hours, it was still important to them, because they were so happy to have other people around them, even though they do not know them that much. "
Hiruni   
Jul 27, 2014
Research Papers / "Marine Animals in Captivity"; issues with run-on sentences and misunderstood statements. [2]

Dear Amanda

I find this article so much fascinating and informative. i think you have used the language enough for me to understand the effect of the unnatural environment over marine animal. I got a quite good picture about the prevailing situation. But there is a part i got confused.

" Blackfish does claim that SeaWorld said it was Brancheau's fault that she was killed. SeaWorld said it was not Tillikum's fault.
SeaWorld's defense to this was that the company never blamed Brancheau for her death. SeaWorld doesn't put blame on either trainer or whale. The website only said it was not Brancheau's fault. "

In these sentences, at the end i'm not clear about the statement of "SeaWorld".

any way i think your narrating skills are good,, Keep going.
Hiruni   
Jul 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / Crime in urban areas of America - rough draft [2]

teachers affects a studentsstudent's achievement. Without proper education,

the possibility of being able to earn a decent income is very

unlikely.
Hiruni   
Jul 26, 2014
Student Talk / It's phobia? I know how to plan, discuss and analyze any topic, but can't write anything [7]

Hello friend,
first of all, i should say that you are not alone. i also feel blank every time i get the paper to write some thing even i have sum up some points about the topic. i believe a one way to overcome this fear is not feel shame to make mistakes. As English is my second language, i give my self some excuse. i'm not saying you should neglect your mistakes at all. but as a start just write what ever that comes to your mind. (even if they don't make any sense). And also don't be afraid if it takes time. the hardest thing is the beginning. once you have started to move you might find it difficult to stop. :) i hope this answer will help you. if so i'm looking forward to read your articles.

Good luck pal
Hiruni   
Jul 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: learning a foreign language early has benefits for an individual but not for the culture [4]

Language is the most prominent way of communicating each other. Different cultures use different languages. The language that parents inherit you is the mother tongue. Accept that all other languages become the foreign language. In Sri lanka Sinhala is the mother tongue, English has become the most needed foreign language.

Some experts believe that primary school is the best place to begin learning a foreign language rather than secondary school. I believe it has both good as well as bad aspects

Learning a language is not like learning some other subjects. The more we practice a language, the more we get better. Since the mind of a primary child is fresh, it is easier for them to learn new words and enrich their vocabulary. It is not something child leans because they have to. They will also learn how to pronounce those words properly. Children in young age are not shy as teenagers. They say things out loud even though they don't know the meaning of it. These children benefit the slow and longer version of learning a foreign language, which adults will never have.

On the other hand this may leads some problems too. Mother tongue is the first language we learn. It is more important for the thinking process. It has to be rooted well for the better development of the brain. By trying to include another language in early age, children may get confused. Child might not be able to draw a line between his mother tongue, and the foreign language. By not distinguishing the different between those languages could leads the child to not to learn both languages properly. In secondary School there mother tongue is strong, that they know if there are learning another language.

In a different scenario if child lean the foreign language better than the mother tongue, mother tongue can become extinct, this is a main problem in Sri Lanka nowadays. Sri Lanka is the only country which speaks "Sinhala". But the necessity has given the "English" language the more concern.

Therefore in conclusion I believe learning a foreign language; in primary age has benefits as an individual, but as a nation it might have bad effects to the culture.
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