Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by CaptainCook
Name: Izzat Rais
Joined: Sep 21, 2014
Last Post: Oct 22, 2014
Threads: 6
Posts: 14  
Likes: 1
From: Malaysia
School: Taylors College

Displayed posts: 20
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
CaptainCook   
Oct 22, 2014
Undergraduate / UNIVERSITY COLORADO BOULDER. (How you could increase our diverse and inclusive community?) [2]

The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and what are your hopes for your college experience?(250-500 words)

Hey guys, this is my essay for this particular prompt. I hope that you guys can give me your thoughts on it. Any suggestions/improvements will be greatly appreciated. Thank You!


'I am different and I do not belong here'. That was the mentality I grew up with. This was largely due to the fact that I am the only son in the family. So, when I was 13 years old I decided to enter a boarding school in hope of finding a new environment to live in.

I got what I wished for but it was not pleasant as I thought. Living in a multicultural society with a language barrier setting us apart made it harder for me to blend in. Plus, as a Muslim I was taught by my parents to be a very conservative person. I continued to distance myself from my peers because I felt it was easier to live in my 'bubble' than to face people who I knew would not understand me.

That is why I did not progress with my social growth for a period of time. As I observed other people around me, it seemed like they were always ahead of me because they chose to step out of their comfort zones. I thought that might just be the reason why they seemed to learn more things every day while I stagnated. So, I asked myself how long do I want this to continue? Finally coming to my senses, I decided to "pop my bubble" and try to socialize more in an effort to improve my life. It was uncomfortable at first but I learned that there were things that I could do to blend in. For example, I learned a few Mandarin and Tamil phrases so that I could speak to the Chinese and Indians in my community.

My life got better with each day that I opened myself up to people. At the age of 16, my efforts to help myself improve paid off. I was selected as the representative of my country for a knowledge exchange program in Melbourne. I had the opportunity to visit and study the Pyramid Rock on Phillip Island. It was during that time I discovered my passion for earth science.

All of these would not have been possible if I continued to live in my 'bubble' and stunt my academic and mental growth. That experience in my life taught me that discomfort comes with progress. With my previous life experiences, I hope that I can add to UC Boulder's already diverse and inclusive community.

Admission to your university will be the perfect platform for me to improve myself. I am really looking forward to get involved with UC Boulder's core and flagship initiatives. The Colorado's Research Diamond is the program that I am really interested in. It is a collaborative enterprise among regional universities, businesses and federal laboratories. This program will give me the opportunity to apply the knowledge I gained in class into real life problems. I also believe that the program will allow me to gain working experience which is what most employers seek in fresh graduates nowadays.
CaptainCook   
Oct 22, 2014
Graduate / I was only 17, when I gave birth to my first child - entrance into a graduate nursing program [4]

A unique experience indeed. You clearly stated what shaped you to become an emphatic nurse practitioner. Your previous working experience of working at the Pediatric Critical Care, Neonatal Intensive Care, Peds-Neo Transport nursing, and currently Critical Care float pool at Texas Children's hospital successfully showed your interest in this field of study.

good luck
CaptainCook   
Oct 22, 2014
Undergraduate / My dad's journey to his new liver - it has inspired and shaped me into the person I am today. [3]

Content wise, i think the concept of the story is quite cliche. But that does not mean it is a bad thing. You clearly explained how your dad left an impact on your life. Also, i think you can elaborate more on how the incident made you into a more responsible person.

Grammar. i think you should avoid using contractions such as, couldn't, shouldn't, i'd etc. It is okay if youre texting someone but this is an admission essay so it is not ideal.
CaptainCook   
Oct 20, 2014
Undergraduate / 'I represented my country at the highest level' - University of California Prompt [2]

Prompt 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Hey guys, this my essay for one of the UC propmts. i hope you guys can give me your thoughts/any suggestions. Thank You!

My 5 year experience studying in a boarding school was probably the most significant period of time in my life. One particular experience that I am really proud of is when I was selected to go to a knowledge exchange program in Melbourne.

When I was 16 years old, I was offered a place in the school's R&D team after achieving an excellent result in the semester exam. I am the type of person who believes that everything we learned in class can be applied into real life situation and the R&D program presented me with the perfect opportunity to practice what I believe.

We did a research on a portable water container that can increase the amount of dissolved oxygen in drinking water. First of all, we used our knowledge about the chemical and physical properties of water that we have gained in chemistry class to identify air flow as one of the factors affecting the concentration of oxygen in water. Next, we used our knowledge on electrical circuit that we have gained in physics lessons to set up a simple aeration system in the water container. The program taught me that effective communication between your peers and able to take criticism positively are keys to success.

After the research, I was picked by the Malaysian Ministry of Education to represent my school and country in a Knowledge Exchange Program to Melbourne. A team of 10 people including me was sent to Melbourne for a week to trade information with some universities and schools there.

I was really proud and grateful because I got the chance to represent my country at the highest level. I believed in myself and what I am capable of and that got me to where I am right now. A life principle that I have always hold on to is, does not mean you don't know something you cannot do it and does not mean you are unique, you are useful and good at what you do. Always learn something new and try to be a better version of yourself every day.
CaptainCook   
Oct 10, 2014
Undergraduate / Geology is a rich and diverse subject that has a great room for creative thought. UCAS statement [3]

This is my UCAS personal statement for my degree of choice: Geology. I appreciate every feedback and suggestions. Thank You!

PERSONAL STATEMENT

Everyone wakes up in the morning hoping to achieve something in life. That 'something' is what keeps them going every day. For me, it is my strong desire to contribute to society. I believe the best way to do that is by helping them understand the earth's mechanism and how to maximise its potential to not just complement our lives but to make it better. My fascination for earth and wanting to contribute to society are the reasons why I decided to study geology.

I discovered my love for earth science in the best way I can imagine. It all started when I decided to join the school's R&D team as a result of my desire to create and innovate. We did a research about a portable water container that can increase the concentration of dissolved oxygen in drinking water. Throughout the research, I was able to fully implement the knowledge that I have gained in class.

After the research, I was chosen by the ministry of education to represent my school and country for a knowledge exchange program to Melbourne. I got a chance to visit Phillip Island and witnessed the renowned Pyramid Rock. The dark-coloured, triangular-shaped rock can be seen from most of the beaches along the island's southern coast. What fascinates me most about the rock is its colour. It has a pink colour base made of granite and a dark grey basalt pyramid. This led me to read Tas Walker's Biblical Geology. I found out that the difference in colour is caused by unconformity and signifies a time gap between the granite being placed and the basalt lava flowing on top.

It was a once in a lifetime experience that helped me discover what I am passionate about. Since then, I started to subscribe to some geology websites such as (I have to remove the web address) and followed Iain Stewart on Twitter to keep myself updated all the time. He is a Fellow of the Geological Society of London.

The branch of geology that I am very interested in is energy and natural resources. The roles geologists play in this sector such as locating energy sources by using techniques such as seismic surveys and then extracting it using their skills in rock mechanics and tunneling to design an opencast, are vital for the development of a nation and it is parallel to my life goal which is to contribute to society.

Geology is a rich and diverse subject that, while primarily a scientific subject, has a great room for creative thought. For my A levels, I decided to choose subjects that consist a perfect mix of creativity and technicality. Chemistry has granted me the ability to identify the elements that are found in minerals and how they gave different properties to different minerals. Next, lessons in physics taught me to adopt a more logical approach when dealing with problems. Lab sessions provided me with a medium to train my practical skills such as collecting and interpreting data. Also, insights in differential equations and graphs that I have gained in maths and further maths have allowed me to utilise the statistics produced by geological firms, enabling me to view it in a different perspective.

Apart from studying, a chunk of my time is spent on the computer. I am the publicity director for my school's computer club. Thanks to that role, I was able to channel my artistic ability and work with people from different backgrounds. Also, my involvement in the R&D program has taught me how to negotiate with people and how to accept criticisms positively. Realizing the value to be able to speak in many tongues led me to learn the Japanese language. I took the Japanese Proficiency Exam in my senior year and passed with a distinction. I am also a first team member of my school's cricket team which plays competitively annually.

I am looking forward to fully expose myself to this exciting and rewarding field of study. I hope someday I will be able to unravel more wonders of the earth and ultimately be able to contribute back to society.
CaptainCook   
Oct 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / children's involvement in crime- ielts essay [7]

in your 3rd paragraph i've noticed that you mentioned the government. but the question is only regarding teachers and parents. so is it okay?
CaptainCook   
Oct 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Regular books will be still appreciated through some traditional readers [9]

if i'm the one answering this question, i would prefer to choose a side. For example, i would like to think regular books will still be relevant in the future and then in the next paragraph i will state my reasons. in the last paragraph i'll state that there is no doubt that E-Book will become more popular but(State again/give reasons why regular books is still important). (*Note this can also work vice-versa)
CaptainCook   
Oct 4, 2014
Undergraduate / Feeling different and misfit in the family. (UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA ESSAY PROMPT 1) [5]

Hey there, i have revised my essay and please let me know whether it is alright or not. thank you!

'I am different and I don't belong here'. That was the mentality that I grew up with. This is largely due to the fact that I am the only son in the family. I guess it is normal to have so many expectations from your parents when you are the only son in the family. Plus, growing up in a family that values the family legacy of constantly producing high achievers really doesn't help to ease the pressure. I always felt out of place whenever I am together with my sisters and parents. So, when I was 13 years old I decided to enter a boarding school in hope of finding a new environment to live in.

I got what I wished for but it was not pleasant as I thought. Living in a society made of at least 3 different cultures was not easy. Language barrier and culture differences made it even harder for me to blend in. In the end, I was still trapped in the same mind-set which is 'I am different and I don't belong here'.

I distanced myself from society. I am never the first one to break the ice because I felt like everyone doesn't understand me. In my head, I am always the right one and others are wrong and that is why I feel more comfortable living in my own bubble.

As a result, I am left stagnant at the same level for a long time. Whether it is sports, socializing or academics, everyone seems to be ahead of me at that time. Maybe it is because of their bravery to step out of their comfort zone and reach out to others and learn new things every day. I asked myself, how long do I want this to continue? Do I not want to be a better version of myself just because I am comfortable with the state I am right now? I finally came to my senses.

I realized that changes will not happen until I popped the 'bubble'. I need to interact with others and learn from them. It wasn't easy at first because I feared what society will think of me and I constantly doubted myself. I tried my best to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I learned simple Mandarin and Tamil phrases just to blend in with the Chinese and the Indians.

Things started to get better after that. I excelled in my studies, made new friends and gained valuable knowledge on different cultures. To top it off, at 16 years old I was selected by the ministry of education to represent the country for a knowledge exchange program in Melbourne. It was one of the highlights of my life and it wasn't possible if I hadn't decided to change my mentality.

At the end of the day, I will always remind myself that feeling uncomfortable is necessary to progress. Change is not always progress, but progress requires change. I believe that progress on its own, without any purpose will become meaningless and that is why progress and service are dependent of each other. Being able to contribute back to society as you develop doesn't just give value to progress, but it is also an act of gratitude to society for everything they have done for us. This is how the world that I lived in has shaped my dreams and what I hope to become in the future.
CaptainCook   
Oct 3, 2014
Undergraduate / Feeling different and misfit in the family. (UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA ESSAY PROMPT 1) [5]

Hey guys, this my draft for the UC essay prompt 1 which is (Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.) i hope you guys can give me some feed backs on this essay. thank you

Many things were expected of me ever since I was born. I guess that's normal when you are the only son in the family. Growing up in a family that values the excellence of the family legacy really doesn't help to ease the pressure. I never looked like someone who will carry on the family legacy because I always felt like I'm different and a misfit in the family. I joined a boarding school when I was 13 years old. It was not my parents' decision to send me there, but it was solely my choice to go there in hope of finding a new environment to live in.

I got what I wished for but it was not pleasant as I thought. Living in a society made of at least 3 different cultures was not easy. Language barrier and the difference in how they treat things just made it harder for me to blend in. In the end, I was still trapped in the same mind-set which is 'I am different and I don't belong here'.

I decided to distance myself from society and not wanting to be the first one to break the ice. I felt comfortable living in my own bubble. That mentality left me stagnant for a long time.

[...]
CaptainCook   
Sep 27, 2014
Undergraduate / Moving to another state - my parents sent me to California to live with my grandma and uncle [5]

It was like leaving everything I have accomplished behind, never looking back at them ever again. I had to adopt to my new environment and start my life all over again. I was really frightened when I found out that I was moving. I was going to lose all of my great friends and the home that I had so much memories of. Worst of all, I never knew what it was going to be like in California. Leaving your parents behind and going to another state to live with someone who you don't know might be intimidating, but you will quickly learn how to adjust to new lifestyles and accomplish new challenges along the way.

Hey, i feel like these sentences sound repetitive. you are constantly saying that you have to leave everything behind and start to adept to a new environment. Maybe you can explain the differences between your previous environment and current environment, explain what are the things you had before you move and what are the things you wish you could bring together when you move to Cali.
CaptainCook   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - young people's challenges in major cities [7]

overall it is fine. but i think you can try and give some more concrete elaborations and solution to your proposed problem which is the difficulty to find a soul mate.
CaptainCook   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The trip to a football stadium turned out to be more than an exciting experience; Common app prompt [8]

(Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?)

this is my first draft for this prompt. any help or feedback is greatly appreaciated. Tell me what you guys think about it

Standing in front of the iconic stadium felt nothing short of a miracle. The stadium is seen by many as the benchmark for top league stadia developments not only in Europe but in the world. Its design is a radical break from the traditions of the "English style" stadia. The Emirates Stadium is sublime and intimidating.

It was Boxing Day and Arsenal was matched up against Aston Villa. I entered the stadium using the tickets we have bought a month earlier. The view inside the stadium was just as amazing as the view outside if not better. The upper tier is contoured to leave open space and the roof is significantly canted inwards. These features are meant to provide as much airflow and natural light to the pitch as possible. The stadium also gives an illusion that supporters in the upper tier on one side of the ground are unable to see supporters in the upper tier opposite.

Fans started to fill in the stadium and 5 minutes before the start, the stadium was fully filled. The players were set on the field and as the referee blew the whistle, we, the fans let out a deafening roar. While the players plied their trade on the pristine pitch, the fans did what they do best. Acting as the 12th man in an 11 men game, we cheered nonstop.

The chants intensified as the game goes on. Seeing all the fans coming together and putting aside all their differences was extraordinary. A sense of belonging that I've been craving for so long was satisfied that day. The sea of white and red shirts in the stadium made me feel like I'm a part of something special.

Indeed, life works in a mysterious way. You could discover yourself in the most unexpected of places and time. That experience in the stadium left a big impact on my life. A trip to a football stadium that was meant to be an exciting experience turned out to be more than that. That was the place that shaped me into what I am today and what I aspire to be. That was the place where I found myself.

Yes it was a once in a lifetime experience for me, but the memories of the fans and the atmosphere that were implanted in my head will never be forgotten. Every time I need some confidence to do something, I will travel to that part of my mind and imagine myself being an Arsenal player and the fans are chanting my name. Every time I need a mood lift or just to relax, I will once again visit that part of my mind and recall the experience being among the fans and how they made me feel like I'm a part of the big Arsenal family. For others, the memory of watching a football game might just be another exciting experience but for me, the memory has created a special place in my mind; it is a place where I'm perfectly content.
CaptainCook   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / "Progress and Service" what does that mean to you? [3]

Everyone wakes up in the morning hoping to achieve something in life. That 'something' is what keeps them going every day. In my case, it is my desire to progress as a human being. Change is not always progress, but progress requires change. For me, progress means a change that you make in your life to be a better version of yourself. But progress on its own, without any purpose will become meaningless. That is why I believe progress and service are dependent of each other. Being able to contribute back to society as you develop doesn't just give value to progress, but it is also an act of gratitude to society for everything they have done for us.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳