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Posts by JesusLM2
Name: Jesus Luis
Joined: Oct 7, 2014
Last Post: Jan 4, 2015
Threads: 4
Posts: 18  
Likes: 3
From: United States of America
School: Somerset Academy

Displayed posts: 22
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JesusLM2   
Oct 7, 2014
Scholarship / Paucity Turned to Strength - Quest Bridge, Application Essay. [5]

Nothing but a desire to move forward can summarize my 17 years of life. From baseball to music to academics the substance that has led Jesus Luis-Mejia to be successful has been the presence of God in my life and the desire to progress. Despite obstacles, these two forces have led me to succeed in numerous fields. I was born in Miami, Florida in the south which is generally a place where people automatically deem you a high-school graduate if you're lucky and a simple fast-food restaurant employee generically. I never gave in. I have never allowed the predictions that others made of my destiny to limit my actions.

From my early childhood, my desire to succeed produced in me the understanding that I had to be the change that people couldn't envision. As a young boy, I would honestly force my father, who himself is a baseball enthusiast, to take me out on the field because I simply wanted to get somewhere. I was not going to let the negativity of others put me in a position where I wasn't going to advance. After working long hours on the field, I made a name for myself at an early age. I eventually made four travel team rosters at once and then realized that at my fingertips I held the capability of making negative presumptions diminish and understood that all that was necessary to do it was my own hard work. Since then, nothing has been able to make me terminate my efforts of moving my family forward. It has been this idea of advancement that has helped me to succeed in diverse fields since my childhood, that same virtue that has allowed me to stay positive throughout the midst of numerous family conflicts.

Around the age of seven, I was exposed to the emotional pains of a divorce. Attached to both of my parents, it was always hard for me to differentiate between what was right and what was wrong but God equipped me with a mature character with which I was able to understand what was going on at the time. Anyone who has experienced the divorce of their parents understands that it is not an easy period. You have to acknowledge why certain things simply can not be the way you want them to and you are forced to understand how life works. These are things that simply can't be argued. However, you can combat that pain and determine whether or not you are going to let these things keep you down. Through this experience I was able to acquire the hunger for a better future for myself and my loved ones. I was handed a desire to advance and that crave is what has led to my academic success. After living with both my mother and father, getting used to living with only one parent was not an easy task. It was a strenuous demand but I realized, at such a young age, that if I had stayed bitter and close minded, the consequences of my indifference would be even more severe than the pain. It was then that I learned to value things. It was after seeing my life change from a maternal and paternal home to a single-parent ambient that I learned to grind it out.

I now consider the divorce as something that had a positive impact on my life. I learned to take nothing for granted and this gift that I have been given has led me to athletic, musical and academic success. Furthermore, I understand that no matter how positive you are, a divorce isn't an easy circumstance but I didn't store pain inside. I took out any harsh feelings against the silky chords of my guitar. Music has always been therapeutic to me and I have both relieved stress and learned to master numerous instruments instead of focusing on the cons of life. The lessons that I learned at an early age still live with me today. I thank God for all of my academic accomplishments and I realize that if I hadn't been exposed to certain factors, I probably wouldn't be as hungry for success as I am now. I hope to enter a prestigious university in an attempt to help my parents and give my family the things that I couldn't always have coming from a single-parent home. The occasional scarcity that I experienced is what has produced in me that throbbing push at success. I have accomplished many of my goals because I've trusted God and stayed positive regardless of the circumstances. My 17 years of life consist of not letting anything get in the way of my success. I would love to take this perspective to any university and, God-willingly, continue to defeat the odds.
JesusLM2   
Oct 7, 2014
Undergraduate / Madison has always topped my list for where I would like to go for college. [4]

In the introduction you let the reader know that you understood the prompt in the very first sentence. However, you didn't really emphasize on why the school attracted YOU. You considered the actions of your brother and that's okay. However, you could have strengthened your sentences by stating why it attracted YOU in particular- the ambient, history of the school, etc.

The second paragraph is strong because it hit specifics but you could have gone a little more in depth with your details. In other words, even though you acknowledge the connections between your interests and the school's programs, you could have specified just a little more on how ,when given access to these facilities, you could produce something wonderful. I understand the limited amount of words though so generally your essay is well written, strong reasoned, and directly answers the prompt.

God bless! I wish you the best!
JesusLM2   
Oct 8, 2014
Scholarship / Paucity Turned to Strength - Quest Bridge, Application Essay. [5]

Sure! The prompt is as follows:

Essay 1: Biographical Essay (800 word limit)
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow?

The first paragraph focuses on how I dealt with skepticism as does the second paragraph but with baseball. The baseball part also depicts a desire to advance despite critics and presumptions.

I separated my ideas this way because the prompt asked for factorS and challengeS that have shaped my aspirations. Thanks and God bless you!
JesusLM2   
Oct 8, 2014
Scholarship / Paucity Turned to Strength - Quest Bridge, Application Essay. [5]

Actually I have a close relationship with my father so I wouldn't be able to use that point. Also, I didn't necessarily focus on specific obstacles but I did constantly hit the fact that I've been able to overcome them. I told them about some specifics and went a little in depth but for the most part I was focused on showing how I've been able to succeed despite the skepticism, scarce resources, and family problems.

I submitted this essay already but I wanted to see how others saw it and interpreted it. I really appreciate the feedback. I will definitely look into the tips! Thanks and God bless!
JesusLM2   
Dec 15, 2014
Undergraduate / Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success [13]

This is an essay for a college application and I'm obviously trying to sound as organized as possible.My main goal, however, is to give the reader a genuine perception of what I've gone through and have overcome. Any advice is accepted. Thanks in advance!

Lacking the presence of my mother - what Ignited My Pursuit of Success and (Genuine) Happiness?

I recently posted a draft of this essay and revised it. I made the theme more narrow, focusing more so on living without a parent than on the much broader "divorce".

Here is the prompt:

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Essay:

A blistering mallet increases its velocity and with it, its trepidation. The pounding continues and, similar to the darting vibrations of a gong, within moments my emotional makeup receives a wave of agitation and confusion. The migraine has startled the very temple of a young Jesus Luis-Mejia as I consider, without the shadow of a logical answer, why it is that I have been forced to grow up without the presence of my mother. As I questioned why I lacked the right to receive the much needed nutrients of life that one acquires from each parent, I considered my emotions and ambivalently came to the conclusion that I had to manipulate these variables in the pursuit of legitimate happiness. Despite the troubles that come with being raised without a mother, I look back and appreciate this experience as it has entirely shaped my perspective and work ethic. When trying to give a college an accurate perception of me, presenting my triumphs while evading this life-shaping experience would simply be involuntarily parsimonious.

In 2006, my parents had to settle for a divorce. Emotionally attached to both parents, it was difficult for me to comprehend why I was forced to lack the presence of my mother, especially because she raised me (virtually unassisted) for the first six years of my life. However, this doubtlessly unfortunate experience has molded me into the independent, success-seeking student-athlete that I am today. Not being able to have her around has taught me to be independent because frankly, one lives with the certainty that nobody else will be permanently present except God and oneself. The lack of the presence of both parents has shaped me and given me the gift of autonomy. With this prize, I have accomplished academic milestones, athletic ascendancy and have even learned to master five musical instruments without the need of anyone motivating nor assisting me.

As my life progressed, not only was I more exposed to the lamentable effects of being raised without a mother, but I was additionally met with constructive notions that shined in the midst of a foggy childhood. Among these truths was the fact that I was the only person responsible for my success and happiness. After internalizing this, I learned to appreciate the deck that life threw at me and manipulate the cards in a pursuit of (genuine) happiness. I was driven to work harder and more passionately as I understood that when it came down to it, only my work ethic would be responsible for my productivity. Today, in anything that I do I put in passion and excitement as my experiences have revealed to me that my work ethic alone can make up for any contributions that I lacked. I learned to use the emotional pains of living without a mother as a stepping block that put me in a position to reach success, happiness, and an extremely diverse perspective and identity along the stretch.

One of the most life-shaping virtues that lacking a maternal presence gifted me with is the asset of taking nothing for granted. Albert Einstein once said "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." When you are the center of a divorce, lack the presence of a mother and hence go through things that many children don't experience, you realize how precious every second, every opportunity, every privilege is. This experience has equipped with the virtue of taking advantage of every opportunity and hence applying all of my heart to my efforts.

Attempting to give a college an accurate perception of me without mentioning my living without a mother would definitely not be suffice. This experience is central to my identity and has shaped me completely. Not only has it taught me to be independent and to work for what I want, but it showed me that I had to take advantage of every opportunity I had. Whether it be polishing my athletic abilities, rehearsing musical instruments for hours, or hitting the books, I am self-reliant and realize that only my work ethic can determine my success. Hence, I pour all my heart unto my actions and take nothing for granted realizing that every second is a gift. These virtues have come as a result of lacking the presence of my mother and are still engraved in my character today. Undoubtedly, I will retain these truths throughout college and continue to independently work hard for what I want in the pursuit of success!
JesusLM2   
Dec 16, 2014
Undergraduate / Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success [13]

I understand. Thanks for the advice. Do you believe that focusing the essay more on who I am as a result of LACKING THE PRESENCE BOTH PARENTS, instead of having to stem off of the much broader "divorce of parents", would be more efficient?
JesusLM2   
Dec 16, 2014
Undergraduate / Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success [13]

Hey! Thanks for the response.

After reading the advice that you have (for which I am thankful) I can conclude that something in regards to the plot or thesis of my essay (the divorce) is not giving you a clear response to the prompt. I understand that the essay is quite broad however, I am actually going to focus the plot more so on how lacking the presence of both parents has helped shape me into the success-seeking, college bound student that I am today. I entirely understand how your proposed plot clearly answers the prompt as I coincidentally have had to deal with such identity concerns between being considered either Latin American, American or both. However, wouldn't the lack of having both parents around (under my circumstances in particular) have a much stronger, more serious effect on me as a person and thus better supported facts, details, and ideas for my essay?
JesusLM2   
Dec 19, 2014
Undergraduate / Stanford Short Answers: So they can get to know me better. [7]

Your answers are evidently strengthened and aren't in the slots simply because you want to impress. However, maybe you can lead the reader to understanding why you can develop your ideas in Stanford by relating your answers a little more to the opportunities offered at the university.
JesusLM2   
Dec 19, 2014
Undergraduate / Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success [13]

A blistering mallet increases its velocity and with it, its trepidation

What Ignited My Pursuit of Success and (Genuine) Happiness

This is an essay for the Common App which I have revised numerous times. I need to cut down on some material to reach the 650 word limit so any advice is helpful.
JesusLM2   
Dec 22, 2014
Undergraduate / Fitzgerald was my travel buddy - NYU supplemental essay prompt [8]

Your reasons for believing that you'd, not only fit into NYU, but improve the profitability and caliber of the school are actually well supported. However, I believe that the details could be better organized but since this is a draft I know that you'll fix any structural mistakes. Maybe give a little more insight to traveling with your father, too, in an attempt to prove the degree of diversity that you would decorate NYU with.
JesusLM2   
Dec 22, 2014
Undergraduate / Following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity - Common App [5]

I agree with vlad7777. You make great points and the lesson is clear. Nonetheless, you spent too much of your essay describing the event and not what you learned. I honestly want to know what you got out of this experience more but I can't because you extended the word count explaining the event. Don't get me wrong, your description of the experience was great but you could maybe avoid repeating some ideas such as "I was a new student and in charge of running a club." We already know that. Now maybe expand on what you learned from all of it because I do want to know more about your recognition of the fact that "following the same approach and expecting different results is rightly called insanity".

God bless and best of luck!!
JesusLM2   
Dec 22, 2014
Undergraduate / The unofficial Princeton motto comes from the title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson [8]

I am not finished with this essay. I'm trying to let the reader know that my experiences have shown me not only what is needed (change and education for any legitimate shot at change), but how (a Princeton caliber education) and why (to serve the nations).

After being exposed to the unfortunate academic, political, and social needs of the world as a whole, Woodrow Wilson was one with the fact that national and international change was needed. Nonetheless, he understood that a first-class education was a requirement for any efforts of serving effectively. In 1896, Wilson delivered a speech entitled "Princeton for the Nation's Service", through which he encouraged alumni to apply what they had acquired via the highest level of education -Princeton University- to the world. Throughout my life, I too have been exposed to circumstances that have shown me that the nations need change, however, I am completely one with the fact that a Princeton-caliber education is a requirement for such efforts.

Coming from a Dominican heritage, I was able to experience first-hand the unfortunate realities that envelop most of the world. I witnessed the bewilderment of medical insensitivity, the misery of hungry children, and the generic dejection of people letdown by an unpredictably flawed academic, political, and medical system. As an appalled child, I understood that improvement was needed in the Dominican Republic. However, as I matured in Miami, Florida I realized that these needs are present locally as well. My interaction with my culture allowed me to identify the needs but my every day encounters with the world have shown me that the deprivations are more recurrent and thus require the highest level of education possible for any attempts of efficient change.

As a senior in high school longing to actually be the change that I hope to see, I understand that the only way to efficiently spark national and international advancement is via a sound, complete education that gifts its anchor with the ability to serve in all fields necessary. What better source of a thorough, undocked inculcation that can lead one to efficacious service than Princeton?

Seeing the need in my country and even in my city, I have been driven to volunteer all my life. From educating local children to donating clothes and equipment to Dominican families, my efforts have been present and have impacted. Counseling the psychologically pained and donating time and effort to the children, my objectives have been transparent. However, I want more. I need more. I want to possess that capability of impacting the nation as a whole of which Woodrow Wilson confidently spoke.

Without a Princeton caliber education, my efforts will never reach the potency that I wish to attain or the audience that I long to touch. My vision is clear: get educated and get out there. Nevertheless, I realize that I need more than an education; I need the education- the Princeton education. With the maturation of my character, my ambitions have evolved and I long to make connections with groups and authorities through which I can have access to touching the lives of the needy, the hungry, and the uneducated. Grander goals require a better education and network. Thenceforth, I am looking to decorate the campus of Princeton University with my drive, experience, and perspective and in exchange receive all of the material and knowledge required to efficiently ignite amelioration in the future.

When Woodrow Wilson confidently announced the phrase "Princeton in the Nation's Service" he wasn't simply stating that the nation called for labor. He vigorously sought to make the alumni understand that they already possessed the power to serve the nation and world effectively. Whether they realized the aptitude they held at their fingertips or not is a different story. Nevertheless, when the goal is clear and the desire to aid the nations is genuine, the acquisition of a Princeton education will literally throw the scholar right into the nation's service. As my ambitions meet the productivity, potency, and power of Princeton, my name will expeditiously make up part of the Princeton remnant competent to, not only serve, but serve the nations effectively.
JesusLM2   
Dec 23, 2014
Undergraduate / The unofficial Princeton motto comes from the title of a speech given by Woodrow Wilson [8]

Thank you so much for your pointers. Now, I wasn't finished with the essay. I have elaborated on my intentions and have enthusiastically sought to allow the reader to understand that, in order for my ambitions to come to pass, I need the potency of a Princeton education. I wanted to clearly identify what I need (the ability to serve that only comes via an elite education), how I need it (a Princeton education specifically), and why (to serve effectively ).

I maybe want to strengthen the last paragraph, is it okay as it is?
JesusLM2   
Jan 4, 2015
Graduate / Brain tumor completely took away from my grandfather ability to speak. [2]

Your essay is well detailed and has great supporting notions. Especially because you mentioned personal experiences that ignited your interest in your prospective field, I feel that the reader can understand why you ardently desire to continue your studies. I do think that you can make the last paragraph more clear; maybe try to help the reader understand how that encounter with your progress has instilled in you the requirements necessary for advancing in speech pathology.

Great essay and God Bless!
JesusLM2   
Jan 4, 2015
Undergraduate / Last winter, I participated in North American Invitational Model United Nation. [6]

There is a lot of room to write a great essay given your circumstances. You have started a well supported essay but I believe that you should provide more details as to your limitations and how you were able to defeat them.

There are grammatical errors but I know that you will correct them.
Other than that, good work; God bless!
JesusLM2   
Jan 4, 2015
Undergraduate / Mathematically speaking, it means having one left over as a remainder when divided by two. [2]

This is an essay for the University of Chicago. I need some help regarding organization and how I present my ideas. I have to turn this essay in soon and I have been working on it for a while now so any (constructive) advice is appreciated. The prompt is as follows:

What's so odd about odd numbers? - Inspired by Mario Rosasco, Class of 2009

Mathematically speaking, it means having one left over as a remainder when divided by two. In the English Dictionary, it means being different in regards to natural components from what is usual. In today's world, however, being odd simply means not conforming to the patterns and norms that society expects you to adjust to. Now, what is so odd about being odd? Stereotypically, if you are deemed odd you are unprofitably flawed and defective because of your singularity. Nonetheless, with steadfast conviction I can proclaim that this prejudgment is entirely false and inaccurate. In reality, the odd are the advantageous few who skip the need of belongingness and thus possess qualities that some may find defective but in reality are only virtues.

As humans, we long to feel comfortable with our environment and restlessly seek that sense of belonging of which Maslow constantly spoke. Because this is established, whenever one possesses a singularity and isn't moved by social norms and judgments, that number is automatically deemed odd. Furthermore, when one is deemed odd he is considered defective because of the singularity. Nonetheless, my own circumstances have shown me that the more unique characteristics that a number possesses when lined up against the mold of society, the more profitable the number genuinely is.

In February of 2011, my family began to notice a change in my behavior and in my persona in regards to my attitude and energy level. I would behave obsessively and often felt forced to perform compulsive actions. Exposed to my behavior, my parents invited a psychologist to speak to me. A month later, psychologists had determined that I had the symptoms of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Being diagnosed with this definitely put me in the odd category as this disorder is not found on a regular basis and doesn't fit into the mold that society wants one to adjust to. While this is true, the narrow-minded who believe that being odd implies that you are defective or flawed are found perplexed when attempting to answer the question 'what is so odd about being an odd number?'

Analyzing the characteristics that lead people to being deemed odd, one can easily see that these singularities are not at all indicative of a deficiency. Whether it is a perspective challenged by everyone other than the beholder or a quality that many find flawed, those things thought to make one odd are actually the elements that ignite global amelioration. The qualities that forced Helen Keller, Jackie Robinson, Sir Nicholas Winston as well as innumerable others to being considered odd were actually stepping blocks that allowed these numbers to revolutionize the nation and the world in general.

Having been diagnosed with OCD, I am the first to claim that possessing a singularity, or being deemed odd, actually makes one more competent and profitable to society. In my fight against the disorder, my will to succeed was strengthened as I understood that this experience could undoubtedly help me to better aid others and develop a stronger character. I submerged myself in positive thoughts, motivated myself, and kept my eyes on the goal and to the surprise of naysayers and psychologists, I was able to escape through the grasp of OCD.

Having rubbed elbows with the term odd, I was able to witness first-hand the inaccurate judgments of society. Many believed that I had nothing to offer but I have grown to see that nothing equips one with the ability to aid more than possessing a distinction. When a young man was troubled by negative thoughts, I had the necessary experience to help him move forward. I was able to alleviate and comfort him with my knowledge. Encouraged to defeat the obstacle, within two weeks he had combated the intrusive notions and defeated the compulsions. I would've simply been another spectator but my experiences equipped me with the resources necessary to efficaciously spark a change in his life.

Not only does being 'odd' allow you to better aid others, but it grants you crucial interior values. When one is deemed odd, not only do others judge and attempt to emotionally subordinate you, but you are persuaded to believe that you are defective and disadvantageous because of that singularity. When alienation and external judgments aren't able to move someone's beliefs, views, and self-esteem, that person develops a sense of self-reliance and a will to follow through with any target set forth. With this will, those deemed odd possess the ability to establish and reach goals beneficial to the nation as a whole despite any opposition.

Undoubtedly, much of society believes that being odd makes you odd, or that being different makes you flawed. Proven by my academic, musical, and athletic accomplishments, bearing an oddity does not indicate that one is defective at all. Possessing a distinction implies being vulnerable to society's attempts at altering who you are. Nonetheless, this grants you an inarguably efficacious ability to better aid others, a firm perception of one's worth, and a will to succeed in any given goal. Being odd doesn't mean you are part of a subordinated subgroup; it means that you are part of a remnant lacking the need of belongingness and better prepared to aid the world.
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