Writing Feedback / Introductory Paragraph about causes of HIV in children [6]

Hi everyone. This is my introductory paragraph for an essay titled 'Causes of HIV in Children'. Please read and correct the mistakes I made?
Thanks a lot for your time and insight

The word HIV, or Human Immunodeficiency Virus, is negatively associated with sexual promiscuity, drug addiction, and even homosexuality. HIV infects not only adults but children as well. According to the report from Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS), the number of children infected with HIV worldwide went up from 2,5 million in 2010 to 3,2 million in the end of 2013. Mathematically, this means about 700 new infections occurring everyday. This is such a disheartening fact considering how children with HIV will not have only their physical state vulnerable because to some extent the virus annihilate their immune system. In addition, they will also have their mental state disturbed since they are regarded to be in lower class in society so early in their development. As a consequence, they find it difficult to succeed later in life. Children under 15 can become HIV-positive through four ways: MTCT, IV drug injection, blood transfusion, and quite shockingly, sexual transmission.

As the name suggests, MTCT or Mother-to-Child Transmission is the spread of HIV from HIV-positive mothers to their children during period of gestation, childbirth, and breastfeeding. During gestation, especially in the third trimester, fetus may be infected through placenta, the main function of which is supplying them with bloods containing oxygen and nutrients. Consequently, HIV in the blood may cross the placenta and infect the fetus. The higher the viral load in mother's blood, the greater the fetus has a chance of acquiring HIV. Transmission can also occur during intrapartum or childbirth as infant is exposed to the blood and mucus from genital secretions which are abundant in the birth canal. Moreover, the coexistence of HIV reservoir in breast milk enable transmission to occur during breastfeeding. Nipple may also bleed and further provide a passage for HIV to infect the infant. MTCT is the major cause of HIV in children. Also known as perinatal transmission and vertical transmission, combination of antiretroviral (ARV) therapy and zidovudine (ZDV) as well as elective cesarean section procedure can reduce the possibility of MTCT from 45% to a mere 2%.

The second way of transmission is practice of drug injection using needle shared with one another. This is because when someone uses needle already used by PLWHA (People Living With HIV/AIDS), he/she will be infected by the virus remained in the needle. A study conducted in Ukraine shows that the prevalency of needle sharing in children starts at the age of 10 years old. These children usually lack attention and supervision from parents and/or society, for example orphans, street kids, and drop-out students. Since they started young, they bring this habit as they grow up. This is statistically proved by a survey conducted by UNAIDS Inter-Agency Task Team on HIV and Young People, which shows that at least half drug users under 25 in urban areas have started injecting when they were still children. Moreover, children are often marginalised in society, which makes it difficult for them to access harm reduction services or even be reached out by healthcare workers. Therefore, society and government need to take good care of these children by helping them before they fall to the addiction of drug injection and started sharing needle.

In addition, HIV can also be transmitted to children via blood transfusion. First, the blood itself may not be screened before transfusion, making it possible for people with HIV who does not know his/her condition to be a blood donor. This is caused by lack of adequate blood safety procedures, which is a classic case in developing countries. Moreover, unsterile medical setting in pediatric care centers increase the rate of transmission as well. A 2012 report showed that 270 children in Kyrgyzstan have been infected with HIV over the past decades due do doctors not following universal precaution while doing medical procedures. In fact, a health worker in a developing country admitted not to use kerosene to sterilize equipment used to vaccinate and transfuse blood to children due to limited supply they have. Since children along with woman is the main group of patients receiving blood transfusion, they are particularly vulnerable to this type of transmission. To prevent this from happening, pediatric hospitals and related institutions providing blood transfusion service needs to be thorough and meticulous before injecting transfusion's needle to an innocent kid's vein.

Lastly, children can acquire HIV through sexual transmission which may happen because of child rape and child marriage. A child rape involves male offender and female infant whose age mostly ranging from 5 months up to two years. In South Africa, around 60 cases of children rape are reported, but the actual number is extrapolated to be higher since South African Police Service stated that only one in thirty-five cases are reported. This high incidences of child rape intersects with the HIV epidemic in South Africa, one out of nine citizens of which are infected. Another way children can get HIV is child marriage in which young girls usually fall victim. Despite numerous cautions from experts in the field of reproductive health that having vaginal sex before completing maturity risk harming genital tract, it is still legal in 52 countries. Beside, an early sexual début is associated with older partners, who are more sexually experienced and therefore have greater risk of carrying sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. It is therefore crucial that clinician be aware of the risk for HIV transmission among children who have been raped and/or married, and that government issue a stricter protocol to protect children's safety and rights.

The increasing number and various causes of HIV in children should be our concern, because as a vulnerable group, children need people who are willing and able to fight for them. Fight for their right to the healthy life and social acceptance they deserve. And we do not need to be a WHO ambassador or a member of Parliament to change their life. Helping these children, whose live has been devastated by the cruelty of HIV, is something everybody can do. As Pierce Brosnan from UNICEF said, "They (children with HIV) are missing you. Everyone can make a real difference. Your voice is needed in a global movement that can change their world."

Writing Feedback / "Which One Would You Choose, Traditional or Modern Medicine?" - Article review on medicine [2]

Please check my article review, it's due tomorrow

The article I'm about to review is entitled "Which One Would You Choose, Traditional or Modern Medicine?", the author of which is Marcel Glen Longdong. The alluring title has me surprised and curious to read more about what the author would say because the title implies how people are still going back-and-forth between traditional and modern medicine. Personally I do not understand why people still consider traditional medicine in this modern world where everything is based on science and medicine. Therefore I wonder if my understanding of traditional medicine all this time has been wrong.

The article is about the practice of traditional or alternative medicine in Indonesia and compared some of its aspects to modern medicine. People who practice traditional medicine are called shamans. Traditional medicine uses prayers and herbs to cure patients, but its practice is unique to each of Indonesia's regions. It is a part of local culture passed on from generation to generation. It classifies diseases as either personal, which is caused by magic, or naturalistic, which is caused by imbalance between one's inner self and surroundings. On the other hand, modern medicine is learned in the university. It considers illness as something wrong in the body which is proved by diagnostic results. For people in rural villages, they go to the shamans first then look for doctors when traditional medicine does not work, and vice versa. Despite the clear differences, it is impossible to decide which practice is right or wrong, at least according to a health anthropologist Sri Murni. She also added that the outcome of traditional medicine depends on the patients. And since there are many false shamans practising, people need to watch out so they will not fall victims. Eventually, which method of medicine to choose depends on the patients, because to have different types of health practices is human.

The writer of this article presents to the reader the comparison between traditional and modern medicine. The content is well-organized. The language used is communicative, so it is easy to understand even by those with no medical background at all. This is a wise decision because I think this article ought to be read by people from every level of society whose understanding of medical terms of issues may vary. This informative style in writing also makes the messages from the writer to be taken without ambiguous meaning. I do wish the writer had gone deeper with his explanation, such as how to avoid consulting to false shaman or how the practice of traditional medicine differs all across Indonesia. But overall, I enjoy how this article shows medicine in different light.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Achy Breaky Heart - Article Review [3]

Please review my assignment (article review). Your help is deeply appreciated.

Assignment : Write a three-paragraph essay on your article review
(I) Intro --> author's name, title, reason why you have chosen the topic
(II) A brief summary --> what is the article about, what are main, supporting, and concluding ideas
(III) Concluding paragraph --> writer's objective, your comment (on content, language, style) and final thoughts

Here is my article review.

Achy Breaky Heart

This is an article review of an article titled "Achy Breaky Heart". This article is written by Krista Mahr. The title had my attention almost immediately, not only because it is so ear-catching unlike other articles, it implies how the heart can be so fragile especially in stressful condition. The health problem concerning heart has been happening a lot in my family. For example my niece had to undergo a valve replacement surgery and she was not even five years old yet at the time. My grandfather has also had to be hospitalized several times because of heart attack caused by blockages in his coronary artery. Therefore, I am drawn to this subject so I will know just slightly better about what may trigger heart trouble.

The article is about how stresses from both social and private event can increase the risk of heart trouble in people. The connection between stress and diseases explained in the article is based on several studies published by international medical journals. These stresses can be caused by strain at work and bad relationship. Meanwhile, it is unusual for doctors to ask patients about their feeling either because they don't think there is much they can do about it or they have limited time. Doctors can help by changing the way they listen and react to the patients especially those who come complaining of chest pain that intensifies only when they are under pressure, in which case stress is the genuine risk factor. This will help them identify patients with stress-induced heart problem and decide which course of treatment is to be taken. The scientifically proved, effective treatment for these patients, however, is not yet found. Therefore the best way to prevent this problem is to avoid stressing out at all.

The objective of the writer in writing this article is according to me to show readers that stresses in our life can lead to serious heart diseases for which the effective treatment is not yet identified; therefore, let us try not to be stressed at all. The article is very well-structured. The content of this article is important to be read by people especially those who are susceptible to stress. The language used is formal but still easy to understand. The style of narration is informative so it will be easy enough to comprehend even by people with no health education background. In conclusion, this article is suitable to be read by everyone as it makes people aware of how harmful stress can be to our health.

• 
  this is the article
  

Writing Feedback / 'The definition of the word globalization' - Introductory Paragraph for Essay on Globalization [5]

Please review my introductory paragraph on the advantage of cultural globalization. Sorry for it being so 'superficial' ..

The definition of the word globalization may vary according to from which point of view it is observed. However, it is agreed that one of the effects of globalization is cultures being similar to each other albeit of national boundaries. Nowadays people in Indonesia and United States may drink the same kind of beverages, wear the same brand of clothes or listen to the same song from the radio. Yet they live half the world away from the other. This process, although often feared will threaten the existence of local cultures or tradition, have numerous advantages.