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Posts by rhino
Name: welly
Joined: Nov 17, 2014
Last Post: Feb 2, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
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From: Indonesia
School: bhakti luhur

Displayed posts: 7
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rhino   
Feb 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Today's media information is a heated issue that is faced by human beings around of the world. [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers

Today's media information is a heated issue that faced by human beings around of the world. Media devices are more interested in exploring a private life of a famous person as the highlight news than reporting usually information from society.

I would argue that information which notice about celebrities caught more attention from public community and built curiosity of citizens. Result shows that the number of purchasing magazines sold increases every year around the globe, whereas inhabitants leave the information about global issue such as disaster, politic problems or happening issues which mentioned by newspapers. Therefore, media are more likely to search information about a well-known person intensively, so that bubble space of famous person is limited.

Furthermore, inhabitants consider that discovering information from a famous person can shape self style because a famous person is a role model for them. Psychologists found that nowadays people are likely to hunt information about celebrity's life because this is self-satisfied form. For instance, Kim Kardashian fan, Jordan James Parke spent $150,000 on more than FIFTY cosmetic procedures to transform into idol. By doing this, he feels more comfortable about himself. Consequently, all information in terms of their idol has to grab even if the information is inappropriate for several people.

Despite the above agreement to show entertainment message, there are several reasons that media should report about common issues from community, which happen among society. Firstly, information from ordinary people in one area educates local community. A good example for this statement is that media devices showcase about political issue that the message of the news is informative for people and therefore viewers become having a critical thinking and gaining knowledge about the issue. Secondly, the ordinary information such as volunteer worker and charity event is able to encourage people having awareness about others. Lastly, people caught wide-ranging information, which offered by media.

The aforementioned examines that it seems that the information about ordinary people and celebrities should be equal so that people can have fun and learn something in the same time. Where possible, Government should eliminate the information, which is worse for humankind.
rhino   
Dec 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / The average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year - IELTS Task 1 [2]

The line chart illustrates about the average monthly temperature and the table shows the annual hours of sunlight for three different countries, London, New York and Sydney. Overall, It can be seen that New York is the hottest country compare to Sydney and London, whereas London has a little number of annual hours of sunshine.

To begin with, in the first month Sydney has a high temperature at just above 25°, and during period the temperature declines and reaches the lowest point in July at approximate 15°. The sunlight involves the area at 2.473 hours/year. Followed by Sydney is New York that stand at low point at just under 5° and upward to the highest level with 30° in July. New York gets sunshine 2.535 hours/year that is the biggest among the counties. The third county is London that at the beginning of the year records starting at approximately 9°, and the sunlight is shining 1.180 hours/year that is the lowest of temperature.

However, on the middle of year, the temperature in Sydney rises and has gradual rebound in middle of November at around 25° same as in January. In contrast, both of New York and Sydney are ongoing to the lowest point in the end of year at just under 10°, and 5° is the lowest temperature in New York.




rhino   
Dec 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / Would it be better if more good news was reported? - IELTS [5]

perhaps, you need to improve your grammar first because as long as I read your essay that you have several grammatical error. for one sentence, you need independent clause and dependent clause because in your sentence has 3 or 4 verbs without connector. for example,

And also to sum up, in my opinion media must be oriented on to human development and give(s) them more positive than negative.

rhino   
Nov 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / The best way to help developing countries is to give them financial aid - [IELTS task 2] [2]

It is an obvious fact that financial aid is the prompting for the developing countries to raise their economy. Likewise, economic aid helps them to improve their infrastructure. Although financial aid has been the positive sides for them, it has some disadvantages for civil society. In my opinion, alternative policy can be another optional to recover economy of developing countries.

One of the reasons of economy growth in developing countries is financial supporting from investor or World Bank. The funds will be used to build infrastructure and fix different sectors such as education and health. It is because infrastructure is being important part to give income for developing countries. For instance, Bali is one of the popular tourist destinations in the world so that government should improve infrastructure to lend to foreign visits Bali. It is the biggest foreign monetary exchange for Indonesia. As a result, developing countries become more independent and earn money for welfare state. For this reason, developing countries needs supporting financial from wealthy countries to improve their performance in any areas especially infrastructure.

However, in other parts, local authority might corrupt financial support for individual business. For example, nowadays, the number of suspect of malnutrition in developing countries is a significant rISse every year even some researches said that the number of malnutrition has dropped in worldwide. The main purpose of aid is to re-locate the money to help children with malnutrition in outskirts but is not happening for them due to corruption. Therefore, the aid does not go hand in hand with the goal.

Furthermore, educational sector can be optional to raise economy in the developing countries. For instance, developed countries provide scholarship for young generation, who comes from poor countries or branch out countries. They will acquire much detailed knowledge as long as they study and also they get more experience how to live in rich countries. As a result, they can come back to built their own countries with the knowledge that they already have. With excellent human resource, it is possible that developing countries can improve their economic.

To sum up, I believe that financial aid leads to another consequence like corruption. For that reason, I prefer choosing alternative policy such as educational improvement as an aid to developing countries.

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