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Posts by Mayada
Joined: Jun 29, 2009		 Last Post: Dec 28, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 96  

From: Saudi Arabia

Displayed posts: 102 / page 3 of 3
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Mayada   
Sep 2, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Model United Nations' - MIT application essay.. Short response [17]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

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To me, meeting people, debating, public speaking, researching, and traveling all sound tempting. Something that could combine them all is even more alluring. Model United Nations seemed appealing; although I was not interested in politics by the time I auditioned to join the club. It was an addictive drug; I couldn't miss a conference whenever I had the chance after I joined. I traveled to Singapore, Turkey, and England to attend three conferences representing different countries I barely knew of before. I valued that experience and this opportunity to make friends from all over, be introduced to politics, and have intellectual conversations. I lost my stage fright through repetitive exposure to audience. Gladly, graduating from high school is not going to be the end of it, what I did was just the beginning. 
Mayada   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

You enrolled in a class called "How stuff works"?

yeah, should I quote the names of the classes?

You got a speaker? What does that mean?

A person to speak about something.. how can I say it then?

This sentence makes it sound as if you were choosing which one to attend after they both accepted you.

They both don't require acceptance. The one in Michigan had the scholarship program for one week.. otherwise it we paid for it, the 3 remaining weeks.

Why do you even talk about your difficult choice between Harvard and Mich Tech?

hmm.. harvard wasn't about science.. but I guess ur right, my point of it isn't clear.. maybe I should omit that part and try to relate the essay more to fuel cells?..

or should I relate the question about the two programs by saying that i had to make a choice between science and self development..?
Mayada   
Aug 19, 2009
Scholarship / Scholarship Essay: Passion for Computer Science [11]

What we have and use now can only get better

Gosh I loved this phrase :P

Me being able to run my fingers over ridged buttons with letters that seemed to magically appear on the screen fascinated me and kindled a deep desire in me to learn more

Nice, I like the way you thought of it. It is magical.

,I was also

Hmm, shouldn't you use I was too, or I was as well. "Also" isn't right at the end of the sentence.

my new program I will be creating more easy to use tools

I'd wanna use it!! The ones we have ARE difficult to use sometimes ;)

Just imagine what I can do with further education

I see your point here, but your method kinda ruined it.

Instead of saying: "That's what I can do with just books, tutorials, and advice. Just imagine what I can do with further education."

Why not say: "I can do far more with advanced education than I have done with only books, tutorials, and advice."

See how you phrase it best, because it's a good point, and you don't want the structure to sound as if it's not.
Mayada   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / 'The state of confusion' - UF essay...my surgery. [6]

I was struck overwhelmingly by the state of confusion I was in

I got what you mean, but I don't know, maybe you should rephrase it.

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Umm overall, you have been through a very heartbreaking experience. Try to show more of it, try to establish a direct link between what you have suffered from and how this will contribute to UF. Was your point that since you were a victim of cancer you want to prove that this is not a reason that would let you shine in UF? Make your point clear.. and make sure you don't state anything that you could show instead, like:

With the surgery for me came a new determination to succeed and to make the most of my life while I can. This event reaffirmed the fact that I need to strive for only the best in all facets of my life.

Think about it. ;)
Good luck!
And I'm glad you survived it without losing your confidence.. :)
Mayada   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

^I reread the question. You do not only have to discuss interest.
'interest, curiosity, or excitement'

there's an or.. so I can base it on any or all ;)

But whatever.. since I was having problems with the topic, I asked the assistant director of admissions , using an e-mail i DEFINITELY won't use when I apply to Caltech, lol, and she said:

"It's fine to explain how you satisfy your interest."

Anyways..

I wrote another one.

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"Yes, I am positively sure." I said, determinedly. That was one of the few times I replied that way after giving it thought. My mom wanted to make sure that she wasn't talking to the stubborn me again. I can't deny that I was confused at first, but after thinking about it, I am certain that I have made the right choice.

Never did I try so hard to exploit my summer. When I did in the past, it was unintentional, but this time it was different. It's the last summer before I start applying for colleges. I was confused between two programs, unfortunately, I couldn't attend both. A leadership program in Harvard sounded very appealing to me. I could even get myself the sweatshirt I have always wanted. Yet, I chose to go to Michigan Tech.

I have known science; I have had a general idea about its topics and applications. I have always wanted to be an engineer, but apparently, my thought of engineering was totally different than it really is. I thought engineering was trying to fit science into real-life, and since I was curious about how that happened, I chose to apply for a scholarship to experience the Explorations in Engineering program. I enrolled myself in chemistry, chemical engineering, and how stuff works for the weeks that followed.

In the engineering week, I realized the misconceptions I had about engineering. I have always wanted to be something I was ignorant about. Now that I have not only found out what an engineer was, but also tried to be one for a couple of weeks, I became more eager to solve problems. It turned out that chemists and biologists are the ones who apply science to life, not engineers as I assumed.

I was grateful that I chose Michigan. I even tried to make the best of it, since, unlike most; I came a long way to the US. I was specifically interested in fuel cells. Usually, I bore people with questions and get a not-so-good response. In America, asking to many questions got me a speaker by the end of the week. Dennis Meny, who studied fuel cells, showed us a fuel cell. He showed us the parts and briefly explained how it worked. "Do you prefer hydrogen fuel cells of methane?" I asked. He preferred methane saying that we lose energy trying to store hydrogen, while methane is easier to deal with, even if the process produced carbon dioxide, it could be taken advantage of by making use of the carbon dioxide's pressure to keep it running. In another week, the chemical engineering instructors hosted another speaker. That one preferred hydrogen claiming that the carbon dioxide from the methane fuel cells is going to end up affecting the environment anyway. I knew about both almost enough to have my own opinion by then.

Since I am willing to become an engineer, I asked about the obstacles in the way of proliferation of fuel cells. Identifying the problem is halfway through solving it. The membrane of a fuel cell is costly, for the metal used is rare. "Hmm, since it's rare and we're running out of it, we need to find other metals to use. They'd be cheaper too!" I offered. "We're actually doing some research about it." Dennis replied. Maybe one day I will be a member of that research team, hopefully not too far.

I sat comfortably on the chair by the aisle, and asked for water. I kept wondering what would have been if I chose that leadership program. I recalled how my mother preferred us going to Cambridge. I giggled. Mostly, my mother isn't easy at all, neither is my brother. "Well I am a leader alright." I thought. "I did drag my mom and brother all the way to Houghton."

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Mayada   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / Compare yourself now to when you were younger.. [12]

I just re-read my post on this thread. I wanted to apologize now if I came across as a little harsh.

It's ok.. I've heard worse ;)

None of those traits tell me that you will be a successful student in the US.

This is a normal essay. I'm in a Saudi school.. It doesn't matter in this essay if I will be a successful student in the US or not, lol..
Mayada   
Aug 19, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

Well obviously my problem is not a lack of interest in science. I am truly interested and I am willing to do the impossible to achieve more in those fields.

The thing is about "expressing" interest is my problem. Expressing means showing, and I show interest to myself rather than showing it to others, because it's something that involves me personally. The reason why I chose that program was because it was all about engineering, and this is how I expressed my interest, by choosing this program to spend my summer on instead of a really neat Harvard leadership program that I really want to attend. I show interest by reading about fuel cells and renewable energy; the things I really like. This is how I showed interest, by actually doing something about it.

You, Faisal, have said that you would have spoke about your interest in biology, and "what" you did because you had this interest.. The problem is it's a tricky question, and it's really hard to keep on track in the whole essay, that's why I need help.

Thanks for ur help btw :)
Mayada   
Aug 17, 2009
Undergraduate / UT topic B (freshman) - Costa Rica, issue of importance. [5]

I think you should focus more about the main topic, why this issue is of importance to you..
and about the intro, it's really good for an essay but shouldn't you consider ur audience? ur asking these questions to an admissions dude.. maybe u should address yourself instead of saying what have "you" done to reduce global warming and stuff..

But it's great that you noticed those details when you went to Costa Rica!!
Mayada   
Aug 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

I did appreciate your feedback,but you could have said it in a nicer way.. and I'm sorry for assuming that ur a she, Faisal.

Hmm, can you tell me how I can make it more of a relevant essay? Seems like I have a problem with that.. It's hard to write about how u "express" things, and that last essay is as close as I can get..
Mayada   
Aug 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Compare yourself now to when you were younger.. [12]

When comparing one to himself in childhood, we tend to find many differences, but if we look deeper, we can see that he resembles his younger personality, only now he has become more into what he used to be. It is rational to find new traits in his personality, but in the end, being that child is a base of what he is in the present.

My mother used to keep lists of different things, one that led me to this discovery. There were lists of the things we wish to have or do, one for each of my brother and me. Each item on my list has evolved into a quality in my personality. Flower, the first item, could be interpreted as my tenderness and softness with whoever surrounds me and the ones I love and care for. "Learning second grade's subjects," shows ambition, as I was a first grader by that time. Colored pens, a sharpener and an eraser, reveal my interest in art, which I have improved throughout my life. A mobile, (which I never got until an older age), demonstrates the desire to be connected to others. A piano, to me, was a chance to learn more, as I would have to learn to play, as well as a buoy to help me learn how to swim. Traveling to Dubai illustrates how I like to travel, yet I am economically considerate for choosing a nearby destination. Swings, a slide, and a seesaw display playfulness and an urge to have innocent fun. A backpack from "Toys R Us" that could transform into a chair proves how I prefer the compressed and practical. New shoes portray an interest in fashion, and now shoes are what most interest me when it comes to clothing. Renewing my room's furniture expresses how I like change and modification every now and then. Lastly, a mid-sized Qura'an (our holy book) symbols religious belonging. It symbols my Islamic identity. It symbols my beliefs and values. These items partly define me, and tell me who I really was.

Today, every item means something to me. Each item tells me about myself, and how I haven't changed, but only developed what I already had all along. Trying to understand myself has been very difficult when I feel that my life is complicated, and that I have plenty of things going on, but trying to compare myself to what I was helped, as it showed me that a sunflower only grows from a sunflower seed, and I have grown from my own seed. Just like growing up makes you bigger in size when you're still the same person and look similar to what you were, my different qualities have also become bigger in size, although not always for the best, for no one is perfect. Everything around me shaped who I am at this moment, nevertheless, no matter how much they see me unlike who I was in the past, the fact that I originated from that little girl I was ten years ago cannot be denied.
Mayada   
Aug 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

:$
yep, sorry..

Anyways I wrote a whole new essay, hopefully this time it will be relevant ;)

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Interest and curiosity are never satisfied without experimenting, and I wanted to satisfy part of my curiosity and explore my interests. The summer of 2009 was the last summer before I start applying to colleges, making it the best time to enroll myself in a program that would help me rate my interests.

I attended weekly programs for four weeks at Michigan Technological University; Explorations in Engineering (EIE) which I won a scholarship for, Wide World of Chemistry, Chemical Engineering, and Catapults, Rockets, and Robotics. Being from Saudi Arabia, I had to be really wise when I chose this program, for the fact that it is a thirteen-hour flight to New York, and a six-hour flight to Michigan. "It better be worth it!" I thought, waiting for our arrival at Houghton, Michigan.

The first week, which was in EIE, was exploring most different types of engineering. Each day we explored two types, continued working on two-group projects, and had different lectures. The projects I chose were Exploring Renewable Energy and From Imagination to Creation with Computer-Aided Design. Working on computer design and trying to figure out how to work with NX 0.5 caused putting my mind on never majoring in that field. Through projects, I realized what I am really passionate about, renewable energy. We built wind turbines. We discussed the pros and cons of each renewable energy source. Our instructors noticed my serious interest in fuel cells, and by the end of the week, they brought a speaker to introduce us to fuel cells, and that was the first time I saw one in my life. The explorations facilitated and assisted me in my major-choosing process. I discovered that nanotechnology appeals to me, and most importantly, chemical engineering felt right for me.

The weeks that followed confirmed my choice as I enjoyed chemistry and chemical engineering. In chemistry, I got to break a flower, a phrase I wouldn't have understood before I was introduced to liquid nitrogen. We did not only work on experiments, but we also were responsible of conducting one and explaining how it happened. I never took chemistry in English, and being able to explain what I demonstrated made me feel capable. As for chemical engineering, we operated machines manually and from a control room. I enjoyed being what I want to be in the future for a week. The last week, although beneficial, was not that fascinating to me. I am now determined on what I want to be.

At the beginning of the program I was excited about science and engineering. Now, I am passionate about them. At the beginning of the program, I did not understand myself, nor did I identify my interests. Now, I know exactly what I want to be and what my alternatives are. I thought that this program will end my curiosity in science and engineering. Instead, it increased it tremendously, and I understood that it will never end.

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thank you everyone :)
Mayada   
Aug 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

Yeah that is totally true.. Relevance..
That is the main problem.. but to be honest Liebe could have commented in a nicer way like the rest of you did, I mean, I did put effort into this and it is an irrelevant essay but she can't say that it isn't strong at all..
Mayada   
Aug 16, 2009
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay Prompt - Interest in math, science, or engineering [22]

Interest in math, science, or engineering manifests itself in many forms. Caltech professor and Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman (1918-1988) explained, "I'd make a motor, I'd make a gadget that would go off when something passed a photocell, I'd play around with selenium"; he was exploring his interest in science, as he put it, by "piddling around all the time." In a page, more or less, tell the Admissions Committee how you express your interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.

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I usually fall in love with things I consider easy which I find myself good at. This explains how I can be a writer, an artist, or a dancer.

I am fond of drawing, because my hand skillfully creates magic between the pen and paper that compels them to work together and bring out the best of what could be accomplished by these two. I can see myself in whatever I draw, whether it's a girl, a horse, or simply abstract art that is not understood by anyone but me.

I love writing, because I can better express myself on paper as I can rephrase my message a thousand times in my head before I get out my final piece. I can hear myself speak, scream, and whisper in my writings, sometimes all at once.

I cannot live without dancing, because I cannot stop myself from moving collaboratively with the beats of the exciting tunes of music. I can feel myself through observing my moves working and cooperating with sounds and jingles.

However, that is not why I desire to be an engineer or why I care passionately about science. Science was different. Science challenged me, and I was up for it. I fell in love with something that I actually found challenging.

I am fond of math, because a simple unsolved equation invites me to crack it. I can see myself in whatever I solve; I see a person with problems in her life that is ready to be cracked. When it's free-time at school, I tend to ask my teacher for math questions to compete with my friends in solving them.

I love physics, because it provided me with answers that I found illogical in the most logical way. I can hear myself excited and cheerful about discovering a new answer to a question I have always had. I skip my way to class when we have physics when most of my classmates watch me, surprised.

I cannot live without chemistry, because it is subject that deals with mystery and predictions made by scientists who might have been a lot like me in one stage of their lives. I feel myself in chemistry, and I feel that chemistry is my path to success in my life.

I decided to take my relationship with math, physics, and chemistry to the next level by choosing to major in chemical engineering. I fell in love with chemical engineering because I can see, hear, and feel myself a chemical engineer.

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thank you everyone!! Your feedback is very much appreciated.
Mayada   
Jul 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Success could be measured by outcome, effects, or the influences one makes [4]

I already wrote an essay but it certainly won't fit in other essay prompt. I wrote another one..

Success could be measured by outcome, effects, or the influences one makes. Simple doings do lead to change, like putting a smile on an orphan's face, be there for an old friend who needs you or to simply treat your younger brother well for a week. These would make a huge effect if made by many, and these are the kind of activities I try to include in my daily life. However, I am aiming at giving the world something to remember me with, and to make a massive accomplishment under a name of a woman, a Saudi Muslim woman.

I have been always a huge fan of Powerpuff Girls when I was younger, and I've always wanted to be the forth Powerpuff. Perhaps I found that cartoon appealing because females were starring in it, and they were the ones responsible of everything. I still want to be a woman super hero, and I believe I can by tackling different issues at the same time. I can correct Islam's misrepresentatives' mistakes just by holding on to my beliefs and beautify my personality by the morals of a Muslim individual, and by satisfying today's needs as much as I am capable of. On the day of 11th of September, 2001, terrorists, whom might be Muslims, gave the world something terrifying for them to remember. I want to give the world something as shocking, only beneficial. This leads me to the next problem: the scarce sources of energy, and saving the environment. I am willing to utilize my education to take a next step toward relying on renewable energy sources. By succeeding in my life goal, it would be a challenge for the issue of women's empowerment, as women would realize that we do not wait for chances to make use of, instead, we make our own chances.

It would require lots of effort and work, as well as the best quality of education which I am going after. I am concerned about the huge dependence on oil in this world, especially in my country. Running out of oil would cause a huge damage in our country's economy, which might send us back to tents and on camels. The major I desire was chosen not only for my affection toward chemistry, but also for the reason that I chose to think about individuals other than myself for a change. Not that I never thought of others, but such a major decision in my life that requires dedication and continuation was never given for the sake of someone else before. I will never consider myself successful if I lived for myself, and I never want to be known for anything but making a positive change in this world.

Thanks for all the help.. This place is amazing
Mayada   
Jun 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "My Mom" - help with most influential person essay. [9]

brandon
Though there are many people who influenced my values in my life, I believe there is one person who showed me a lot more than the rest and this lovely lady is my Mom.

- I think you should use a different adjective instead of lovely, because what influenced you isn't her loveliness. ;) -

My mom has taught me to strive for whatever it is that I want, but with wanting something comes a price. She has showed me that if I want to succeed in anything the I will have to put my all into it and put in the extra time to make sure it is being done to its fullest extent. Another important value she has taught me is that if you are going to start something then you have to finish it(,) lose the comma.

This ((trait)) plays a big part in my life and motivates me ((to complete my)) tasks. It is what helped me stay in football my junior year, and ((pushed me to)) continue playing until now, my senior year.

I don't really no.. I think it's ok. Although you should perhaps focus more on the HOW. How did your mom influence you? Try to make it clear to the addmissions what your mother did to bring you up to be a special person..
Mayada   
Jun 29, 2009
Undergraduate / My UCF undergraduate admissions essay...I am dying to go here critiques? [6]

It the intro is the problem here.. then why don't you say that the challenge your facing is a life with no challenges, and no opportunities to take risks. You can elaborate in that point and start off it..

To be honest, when I look back at my life, I've been most creative only when a challenge came before me in my life. I feel sorry for the ones who have no challenges to force them to think out of the box.

lol, you can quote me. I'm Mayadah Alhashem, a 17 year old.
Mayada   
Jun 29, 2009
Undergraduate / The place we come from determines the person - UC admission essay [9]

Yeah I agree.. You should focus more on your grammar, maybe let an English teacher revise it.

As for the content, try to make it more focused. Unlike what Simone said, people are part of the world you come from, but try to include something about the place as well..

Aren't there any ways that you can show that you're hardworking, kind, and caring.
Oh, and how did the bad situation in Ethiopia changed you and your personality? That would be juicy..

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