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Posts by LunarEclipse
Name: Student
Joined: Dec 29, 2014
Last Post: Jan 13, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
Likes: 3
From: United States of America
School: Academy of Health and Sciences

Displayed posts: 8
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LunarEclipse   
Jan 13, 2015
Undergraduate / 4 feet 10 inches faced, black eyes, brown hair, slender body and a little sense of humor [3]

"4 feet 10 inches faced" what do you mean by faced? Are you talking about the person's height or the dimensions of their face? I think you should use a different word

4 feet 10 inches faced, black eyes, brown hair, slender body and a little sense of humor was a complete description of Vijay. Vijay was dark-skinned, I was light-skinned. Vijay was from Kolkata,a city in west Bengal. Kati roll, a famous dish of Kolkata was his favorite dish which he ate in a way that annoyed me. "My country, India, is one with a diverse culture with each state having its on diverse culture but those of the west and south were two extremes which was a major difference between Vijay and me". <--- rephrase this sentence. It's a run on and the tenses are a bit mixed up.

He originated from the north while I originated from the east.

He was a transfer student from Kolkata and came to Chennai because of his dad's job transfer. On the first day of 10th grade, our class teacher made me sit near him and from then on I learned more about him . In the 2nd semester we had to do a chemistry project that required students to work in pairs, thus our chemistry teacher assigned Vijay to be my partner making me think "how could I cope?" this proximity <-- i don't know if this is the right word. Try a different word.

made me realize more disparities between us. But this project was very important for us as it counted for final exams grade.S/font]o, I decided to keep my difference s aside and team up and tackle the obstacle. We sat down and spoke to each other resolving our differences and worked on the project as a team and when we submitted our project <--- this whole sentence is a run on. Try taking out all the ends and connecting the sentences or just creating separate sentences. " When we submitted our project" is a fragment, you didnt finish your sentence.

After the project, we became like a matchbox and /font] matchstick, we needed each other to produce light which was evident in other activities. Such activities included heading the NCC in the school's Inter-house Sport competition, volunteer community services and so many others. My encounter and relationship with Vijay made me realize that diversity is not a barrier to peaceful coexistence but productive living.
LunarEclipse   
Jan 4, 2015
Undergraduate / Bookshelf. I'm more than one person! I am composed of passions, faces, and reflections. [NEW]

1. Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students can pursue a multi-dimensional undergraduate experience both in and outside of the classroom. Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests-academic or extracurricular pursuits, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.-and how you will build upon them here.

Bookshelf.



My bookshelf represents various cultures' influence over me. Through my bookshelf you can visit South America, Japan, India, Bangladesh, Korea, and the US. As a young kid, my fascination for various cultures and languages ignited through the anime "Naruto" which encouraged me to explore, understand, and appreciate all cultures. Fast forward 7 years, you now see the result of Naruto's impact on me: a bookshelf filled with a collection of Manga (Japanese comic books), origami, a music collection of Hindi and Bengali Cassettes (yes, I still listen to cassettes), a stack of Korean-pop albums, and various Spanish, Japanese, and American music in my laptop. Through these objects I connect with a tiny part of each culture and travel the world without the need to step into a plane.

My bookshelf also contains books ranging from classics like "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" to religious translation like "The Essential Koran" to my favorites like "The Alchemist". Here resides the curious individual who is eager to acquire knowledge by questioning her surroundings. I was always told "Don't do this" but with this statement never came an explanation of "why?" If I asked "why?", I was snubbed with explanations such as " It's bad" or "listen to your elders." Dissatisfied by these responses, I learned to search for my own answers. This is why I am reading "The Essential Koran", a book consisting of direct English translations of the Koran. Due to this book, I now understand what I am reading instead of ignorantly reciting Arabic verses.

Walls.



Scattered on my wall with various colors and fonts are various quotes that encourage me throughout daily life. Every day, I make sure to read one of the quotes on my wall, most specifically the 14th Dalai Lama's quote "When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy." This quote reminds me to be wary of my actions and never blame others for my mistakes, because for only when I accept MY mistake, will I finally be able to correct it.

Desk.



Contrary to what most people believe would represent knowledge; my desk represents music. On my desk sits my iPad, in which an app called "GarageBand" allows me to digitally play instruments and create music that may sound horrible to most, but for those 30 minutes on my iPad, take me to a place of contentment. Here, I take myself to a world where I am a guitarist and pianist.

Me.



United, the objects that reside in my room form a 4'11 anchor that holds all these objects together. I am not one entity, but various individuals molded into one. I am the center of the facets of my identity and I am what inhabits that space called my bedroom. My bookshelf, my walls, and my desk represent how I am composed of many passions, many faces, and many reflections.

I look to JHU to feed this anchor that wishes to explore every aspect of her identity and supply its brain with a variety of courses that include Philosophy, East Asian Studies, and Religion. I look to JHU's study abroad program to give me the opportunity to understand other cultures through firsthand experiences. I look to JHU for its diverse Hopkins family, the city of Baltimore, and numerous events, such as Lighting of the Quad or the Festival of Lights called "Miracle on 34th St". I look to JHU, assured that they will develop the young woman in me who cannot be defined by one career; Through Hopkins education, I will be the biology major who can speak five languages, the artist who takes calculus and Taekwondo, the feminist who can paint portraits. Maybe next year, I will be studying on the Freshman Quad or in AMRII in Baker House. Looking to the future, I see myself proudly wearing a Hopkins' Jay shirt because I'm assured Hopkins will help me find and cultivate a NEW Me hiding inside waiting to blossom and flourish.

I'm not sure if my essay answered the question with detail. I feel like I rambled in the beginning and that Admissions officers would get tired of my essay before reaching the end. Plus, I exceeded the word limit of 500 by 180 words (my essay is 680 words) but I am not sure what to take out and what to include. I'm also scared that my concluding paragraph wasn't strong enough. Please let me know what you think. Thank you
LunarEclipse   
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / My interest in SU ignited when my twin sister and I resided with my elder sister in her house. [2]

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

My interest in Syracuse University ignited when my twin sister and I resided with my elder sister in her off-campus house. What I expected to be a banal summer was actually a summer filled with tours of SU. On the second day of our vacation, my sister took us straight to the campus. As we came across a building that reminded me of the Athenian Propylaea, my sister turned to me and enthusiastically clasped her hands together while I snubbed her enthusiasm with a look that read "Can we leave?"

"This is Hendricks Chapel, a gathering place for people of all religions. There's even a prayer room here where I've prayed before!" she said with a smile that stretched a mile across her face.

As the tour continued, she introduced us to various buildings like the Carrier Dome and the Hall of Languages. But as we left Carnegie Library, I realized my inattentive attitude changed and I grasped the minor details of the tour: Hendricks Chapel has a student-run coffee shop called People's Place that provides great food for low prices, Crouse College possesses the organ, a very rare piano, and there's a statue of Abraham Lincoln in front of the Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs. But, this tour was just the tip of the iceberg. On the night we watched Iron Man 2 on the "Quad" I was convinced SU could be my second home. As the night sky and stars projected light onto the Quad, I took in the warm scene of students of all different backgrounds, religions, and even majors communicating with one another. I myself was even approached by a few students and was able to converse with them. Sitting in my seat, with a projector displaying Iron Man 2 in front of a sea of college students, I felt I was with a family, despite my lack of an Otto shirt. "Syracuse University, huh?" I said with a smile that stretched a mile across my face, finally understanding my sister's love for SU.

2. MOD comment:One essay at one time please
LunarEclipse   
Dec 31, 2014
Undergraduate / For a thousand pages or so, Cervantes held me captive: book prompt [2]

You're answer is nicely constructed, but i felt like you talked more about what the book is about than about how it impacted YOU. You said he captivated you with his silly romantics but why and how? The same for you weeping, why and how did his experience affect you.
LunarEclipse   
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / I stand in firm affirmation of CMU - Prompt Why CMU [7]

Wow, grcpark7. This is a great essay. Your essay is concisely written and it is quite detailed. Plus the vocabulary you used is impeccable, I even had to look up the word perusing. You clearly show that you are determined to go to CMU, and know a lot about the University itself and its programs, and you thoroughly explained your goals. Overall, great job! I couldn't find any flaws within your essay. :)
LunarEclipse   
Dec 30, 2014
Scholarship / 'bachelorette in four years' - Should short and long term goals be straightforward or fluffed? [2]

My short -term goal is to graduate high school while getting rid of as many college prerequisite classes as possible at my community college before going to a university next fall. In addition, I hope to find my career interest before heading to a university. To accomplish this goal, I am shadowing all the careers that I have an interest in. As of right now, I know I would like to have a career in the medical field, however, where is still the question. I am currently looking at a career as a registered dietitian, pharmacist, or physician. I also plan to get my pharmacy technician certificate in the spring. Another of my goals is to make and save as much money as I can before the fall. My final short term goal is to make my mom and aunt as independent as they can before I leave for college. They both depend on me for many day to day translating needs and I hope to assist them to help them become as independent as they can be because I will not be able to help while I am away at college.

My long term goal is to graduate from Kansas State University with a Bachelor's Degree. While there, I would like to possibly major in biology and minor in business. During that time I would like to be involved in as many activities and try as many new things as possible, this includes studying abroad. After my four years at K-State, if I decided on a medical career field that requires either a masters or doctorates, I would then apply the University of Kansas's Medical School. After my second graduation, I would like to complete any type of residency or internship required. In addition, I would like to possibly move my mom and aunt to the west coast so they can be closer to family and to an area with a larger Asian population so they can be more at ease. Eventually I would like to make enough money to provide for my mom and aunt, so they do not have to work at Tyson.

The items that have helped to shape my goals are everyone I've encountered throughout my life, whether they believed I would succeed or fail. I would like to prove to those who strongly felt I would not amount to much by being successful while at the same time satisfying those who have supported me thus far. I will always keep in mind to work as hard as I can every day to make sure all of these goals are reached. At the end of the day if I do not make an initiative to work hard I am ultimately just letting myself down. To complete all of my goals I will work hard and complete the short term goals at hand so I can then move onto my long term goals.

You're essay is pretty good, but there were a few grammar errors. I fixed some of them above ^. Also, try rephrasing some of the sentences that you've written. As i was reading i felt as though there were a lot of run on sentences. And, try using more definitive terms such as 'I will" instead of "I would like to", it makes it seem like wishful thinking. You want to prove to them that you WILL be involved in many activities and that these are your goals.
LunarEclipse   
Dec 29, 2014
Undergraduate / Ever since I was seven years old, I always watched the Bangladesh news and observed as my TV display [NEW]

Please tell us something about yourself,your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State.

Ever since I was seven years old, I always watched the Bangladesh news together with my family. I observed as my TV displayed young children, some my age, some even younger, sitting on unpaved and filthy roads watching their parents' health enervate right before their eyes, unable to prevent the unfortunate situation they were in. However, in the winter of 2011, I no longer was a spectator watching the atrophy of an individual's health on a television screen; instead I too became a child watching the deterioration of a parent's well-being right before my eyes, feeling helpless and unable to do anything to prevent it. I watched my father fall victim to colon cancer and for the first time require assistance to walk to the bathroom and to rise from bed. I watched as the skin on the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet peeled off, as the vigor in his physique declined, and as the sparkle in his eyes diminished. Nonetheless, my family and I, unlike the penurious families in Bangladesh, had a source of hope-the healthcare services in New Jersey. Even though I was too young at the time to comprehend everything that had betide my father, I was still able to confide in hematologists, cardiologists, and gastroenterologists who stood by my Dad's side to fight the nefarious adversary that wished to arrogate his life.

Although my father's battle with cancer was a very difficult time for my family and I, this situation had me contemplate over the feelings of the children I always saw on that television screen. My experience had me question what it truly is like for those families and kids, who have every right to live a halcyon and tranquil life, to have to endure such painful hardships without any form of support. I realized I became accustomed to the services provided in the US that I never imagined what it could be like for individuals in other countries. I ignorantly conjectured that most people around the world were given the same opportunities as me, when in fact, they had to fight tooth and nail to survive. I was lucky enough to see my father make it through his battle unlike most other families and kids who are not able to receive that chance.

As a result of my experience, I no longer saw my father's plight as a hindrance in my path, but as an inspiration for what I, along with my twin sister, can do for the impoverished people of Bangladesh. Although two different motivating factors inspired each of us (my sister was inspired by a trip to Bangladesh), we, however, share one common goal: to help the underprivileged who experience the loss of a parent as a common occurrence in their lives due to the lack of healthcare accessibility in their country. My sister and I hope to combat this situation after establishing our practices in America by building and operating a clinic in Bangladesh for those who cannot afford healthcare and acting as health advocates who promote healthier lifestyles.

After watching my father deteriorate before my eyes, I pushed myself to go beyond my capabilities. This determination is what drove me to challenge myself with rigorous academic courses and partake in several extracurricular activities throughout my four years in high school. Now, as a college student, I will continue to use this force to challenge myself with the rigorous academic courses and ground-breaking research opportunities. Through the challenges and opportunities I will encounter during my four years at a university, I am assured I will grow and mature as an individual who is capable of becoming a physician and establishing several clinics in disadvantaged countries.
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