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Posts by vip747
Joined: Jul 18, 2009
Last Post: Nov 5, 2009
Threads: 4
Posts: 18  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 22
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vip747   
Nov 5, 2009
Undergraduate / The primary reason that I am applying to Northwestern University is its firm academic program. [5]

Thank for the advise so far i replaced:

My primary major is Biomedical Engineering. I became interested in the field during the Summer Science Scholars Academy at UMDNJ, where one of the four classes I took was bioengineering. We embarked on a four week journey to genetically alter bacteria. Starting with ordinary E-Coli bacteria, we performed multiple extractions and insertions to finally create bacteria that could glow in the dark. I was amazed at the way that bacteria could be manipulated.

With:

My primary major is Biomedical Engineering. I became interested in the field during the Summer Science Scholars Academy at UMDNJ, where one of the four classes I took was bioengineering. We embarked on a four week journey to genetically alter bacteria. During our first meeting we were given ordinary E-Coli bacteria. Afterwards we spent hours in the lab extracting DNA, using recombinant DNA to cut it up, and inserting it back in. The ultra-preciseness that had to be taking during the labs was amazing. I had never before worked in microliters or with objects veiled to the human eye. What surprised me more was the competence with which I worked. At the end of the period my lab partner and I were the only successful creators of luminescent bacteria.

The way that the bacteria could be manipulated astounded me. I had already known that genetically altered bacteria were being used to fight diseases like diabetes, but I had always imagined it to be a hard grueling process, not as easy as it had been at UMDNJ. The uses of this technology could be wide spread, ranging from using them to fight disease to creating knockout mice to experiment on.

I deleted the campus location paragraph as well.
vip747   
Nov 5, 2009
Poetry / Poem about Nothing.... [10]

This poem really is about nothing, which i doubt was the goal.
could you tell us what you were trying to write about?
vip747   
Nov 5, 2009
Undergraduate / The primary reason that I am applying to Northwestern University is its firm academic program. [5]

Heres my essay. Rip it apart :). Topic is Why Northwestern?

The primary reason that I am applying to Northwestern University is its firm academic program. Multiple Nobel-prize wining professors teach at the university and its core liberal arts all range very strong to national top-10 ranked. These qualities will help me obtain a high-class education. The university also offers flexibility in determining a major. This will allow me to easily peruse a second major in Economics.

My primary major is Biomedical Engineering. I became interested in the field during the Summer Science Scholars Academy at UMDNJ, where one of the four classes I took was bioengineering. We embarked on a four week journey to genetically alter bacteria. Starting with ordinary E-Coli bacteria, we performed multiple extractions and insertions to finally create bacteria that could glow in the dark. I was amazed at the way that bacteria could be manipulated.

With a Biomedical Engineering program ranked in top 15 in the nation, the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science is the ideal school for me. The unique structure of the program will allow me to obtain a firm grasp on the subject. Led by the Engineering First curriculum, my study in engineering concepts will begin at the beginning of me freshman year. I will be able to experience real engineering early in my undergraduate careers. The course work will not only give me a great undergraduate study, it will also effectively prepare me for medical school. The variety of labs, like the Morimoto Laboratory, will allow me to work in a different setting then the classroom.

Northwestern offers many choices to further my education. The Kellogg School of Business financial economics certificate course is a brilliant option for me, as it would advance my education in economics beyond the AP level. The Honors Program in Medical Education is an asset for me as it will help me achieve my goal of obtaining a medical degree. As an HPME student, I will be able to take part in global health and research opportunities, advanced degree coursework and shadowing experiences.

Aside from academics, the university is equally attractive socially. During my visit to Northwestern, I was able to see the campus setting which was amazing. The shores of Lake Michigan and the natural beauty gave the university a wonderfully isolated feeling. I felt alive surrounded by nature. However I found out that Chicago is just a ride away. This is beneficial as I will get the best of both worlds, the quiet peacefulness to study and the entertainment from the city with its multiple theaters, restaurants and museums.

There are multiple activities that I would be interested in including 64 Squares and the Undergraduate Premedical Society. The social diversity of the student body would allow me to interact in an environment that mimics the professional world. The school's involvement with the Big Ten is another major perk allowing me to view the highest level of college sports without compromising academic quality. I hope to try out for the varsity tennis team as well as attending Wildcats football games.

On all aspects Northwestern proves to be appealing to me. It is academically strong, social diverse and aptly located. It is no wonder that I hope to attend Northwestern next year.
vip747   
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / the hardships caused by wars - my supplemental essay! [4]

your only personal response to this was that you visit your uncles grave.
You can make this stronger by giving examples of how you participated in "community engagement".
vip747   
Oct 6, 2009
Undergraduate / My first memorable experience into the realm of science - general medicine essay [10]

10 days later and still no help
thanks a lot people

I went through the essay and made my own minor corrections. can someone please read this and answer me?

My introduction into the world of science occurred during the summer after 3rd grade. During a family visit to my uncle in Delaware, my cousin pulled me into his room and started trying to teach me some basic chemistry. I still remember to this day how he attempted to show me how electrons were arranged around the atoms and how that would affect its ability to react with other atoms. Although I could barely understand what he was talking about, my interest for science was sparked. I started watching shows like "The Magic School Bus" and "Bill Nye the Science Guy" and read books on the topic endlessly.

SEE ABOVE
vip747   
Sep 27, 2009
Undergraduate / My first memorable experience into the realm of science - general medicine essay [10]

My first memorable experience into the realm of science occurred during the summer of my 3rd grade. During a family visit to my uncle in Delaware, my cousin pulled me into his room and started trying to teach me some basic chemistry? I can still remember to this day how he attempted to show me how electrons were arranged around the atoms and how that would affect its ability to react with other atoms. Although I could barely understand what my cousin was talking about my interest for science was sparked. I remember how I would come home from school and watch shows like "The Magic School Bus" and "Bill Nye the Science Guy" and read books on the topic endlessly.

As I grew older, my interest in science grew with me. When I entered high school, I was introduced to the "main" science courses: Biology, Chemistry, and Physics. These courses took my enjoyment of science to a whole new level. I enrolled in the highest level classes I could take. These courses had a deep impact on me. I can still remember how, during my biology course, I began to entertain thoughts about pursuing a career in medicine.

When I entered my junior year my goals towards a career in science became more focused. One of the biggest factors in choosing to become a doctor would come from an accident that my grandfather suffered in the winter. While taking a daily walk around in our development, he slipped on black ice leaving his entire hip and left leg fractured. After medical treatment at a hospital and rehabilitation at a local nursing home, he was finally able to return to our home. For the next twelve months, my family and I cared for him at home; as we watched his condition slowly improved. I gained exposure to the medical field as I spoke with the doctors and therapists that visited our home, checking up on my grandfather.

Although I had become interested in the field, I still had very little knowledge about it. In order to get a view of the field I was accepted to the Robert Wood Johnson Mini-Medical School, where I listened to various lectures by doctors on topics throughout the medical field. Most of the lectures turned out to be extremely thought provoking, further fueling my ambition to enter medicine.

During the summer of my junior year I enrolled in the competitive Summer Science Scholars program at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. During this program I took classes in various medicinal topics, such as anatomy and neurology, as well as making trips to Robert Wood Johnson hospital to participate in discussions on topics such as cardiovascular disease and pediatric care. In addition I shadowed doctors at the Kailash Cancer Hospital and Research Centre during my trip to India. Here I was able to get valuable experience as I worked with doctors, including a pathologist, a radiotherapist, radiologist technician, various chemotherapists, and a physicist. I was able to observe as they interacted with their patients in their own unique ways. I saw how radiation therapy was planned on a computer, how a pathologist would observe tissue samples to search for cancer, and how a chemotherapist created a treatment for each patient. With every minute that I spent working with these professionals, I felt like I wanted to become just like them.
vip747   
Jul 27, 2009
Book Reports / Great Gatsby [Story, Lucy Help Essay] [9]

If you are searching for essay topic, there are many themes to write about.
However, you should write about something that you are interested in or something that you understand in the book.
vip747   
Jul 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "BALLS UP," his voice echoes through my ear canals ; Essay on tennis [6]

Notoman: I'd rather see you start as clumsy and insecure and then morph into someone who is confident and accomplished.

I wrote a paragraph how I first started playing tennis in freshman year, and that compared to the varsity players, I was essentially useless. Should add something more to this paragraph?

I've also added this change:
fragile potential for growth with his knowledge
vip747   
Jul 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "BALLS UP," his voice echoes through my ear canals ; Essay on tennis [6]

Bellowing from courtside, as I scurry to the sidelines of court one, clumsily trying to put every ball back into the crate. Attempting to regain composure, I stand tall, my hands gripping my racket securely, maintaining an intense gaze into the fiery eyes of my determined coach. He quickly explains to us the next drill, before prompting us back to begin practicing.

The first time I picked up a tennis racquet was that first day of practice back in freshman year. I had assumed that most kids would be like me, first-time tennis players. However, I was quickly proven wrong as the top varsity player hit speeding balls that flew by me. After the end of that practice I felt horrible as I realized that I was probably the worst player on the team. Heading inside to return to the locker room, Coach Smith gave us his annual "first day of practice" speech. He told us that he was not going to make any cuts. Instead of kicking us off the team for our inability to play, he told us that he wanted us to stay and become better tennis players by learning from the members of the varsity squad.

Surprised by this statement, I realized that he had given me a chance to improve my tennis skills, and prove myself as a competitive tennis player. At each practice I poured my heart and soul into improving myself. I spent the rest of that first season sitting on the bench. However, as a sophomore, I was accepted on to the team.

My racquet became my pencil and Mr. Smith my textbook. At each practice I refined my techniques, wanting to become like the varsity players who had graduated, the ones Coach Smith always talked about. I became caught in a frenzy, spending every moment of every day anticipating endless hours of grinding pressure that resonated from the courts. The enormity of each match I played grew as the season forged on. I played doubles with one of the upperclassmen, whose guidance and patience on the court inspired the confidence I lacked as the newest addition to the team. On my own, I practiced at the courts near my house, sometimes staying out so late that I would miss dinner.

Emerging from my shell as a beginner, I rapidly improved my skills. Confident in the experience of my coach, I opened my mind to different perspectives on a sport that I thought had only one given approach. Coach Smith pointed out the players who had wasted almost half a decade under his wing, learning little from what he had to offer. It was then that I recognized my vast, yet fragile potential for growth under him. At every practice I could see my own skill improving as I started to win more and more matches. Qualifying for the Greater Middlesex Championship, I realized that I was becoming the very role model that I had once looked up to.

As I progressed through high school, my tennis career did, too. When junior year approached, I found myself fighting for a varsity spot. I accepted more responsibility for the team and felt an increased commitment to the sport. Though I am still no where close to a champ, I feel very comfortable with my significant improvements and appreciation for tennis. This is one game I am sure I will continue to participate in and relish for years to come! Tennis makes me feel alive, vibrant and passionate. I lose myself in the game completely and, for that period of time, nothing else exists. Tennis drives me to excel both on the court and in the classroom. It has taught me the meaning of hard work and resolve.
vip747   
Jul 23, 2009
Student Talk / Exam passing tips - its my final year [71]

I always try to make connections to memorize difficult concepts, like connecting examples to the laws of thermodynamics.
vip747   
Jul 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "My Name" - Common Application short answer essay [8]

Can someone please provide suggestions for the following short answer. The topic was to write about an activity I participate in and i have not idea what i'm doing.

*My Name* representing the delegation of Gabon. Though I speak these words only a few days a year, I have come to cherish them. They are the introduction given every time I rise to speak at a Model UN Conference. Joining the club from a friend's advice, I have come to appreciate it. It has made me a better public speaker and taught me the power of words. From the various competitions that I attended I could see my speech become more powerful and persuasive as I was able to win over more and more to my point of view. I saw how much I had improved when in the ILMUC, I was able to have my resolution passed in one meeting with almost no opposition. Model UN has opened up my eyes to the enjoyment in debate and I will continue to participate in debate oriented activities in college.
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