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Posts by ionutalbu25
Joined: Jul 28, 2009
Last Post: Oct 3, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  

From: USA

Displayed posts: 13
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ionutalbu25   
Oct 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "With such a pride" - FSU Vires Artis Mores [4]

You focus on Vires, however I feel you can somehow incorporate all three latin words into your essay. Artes fits with your emotions expressed in the art of dance and all the practice and hardships you endured to achieve your level of skill, and Mores goes with your developed strong character by your ability to now proudly say "I am Melissa Elizabeth Fils"

Also I think you should somehow connect yourself with FSU. Maybe explain your connection, since you both live with all these 3 values

Good luck! :)
ionutalbu25   
Oct 2, 2010
Undergraduate / My life changing epiphany, volunteering _ UF Essay [6]

Since UF has a 450 word limit I had to greatly shorten my essay, here's the new version. do you think I lost the essays meaning and character by cutting out so much?

READ ABOVE

Thank you thank you thank you!!!
ionutalbu25   
Oct 1, 2010
Undergraduate / My life changing epiphany, volunteering _ UF Essay [6]

Unce souring over the world the red shouldered hawk now lies dismantled on the metal surgical table. Eyes darting and talons thrashing it frantically tries to escape. "Esther, give me a hand and hold down the chest as I wrap the gauze around the wing - we need to position the bones back together." For the first time I placed my hands onto a wild hawk and felt it breathe and felt its heart beat. Outnumbered by its captors it utters a final whimper and gives up the battle. Little does this bird know that we are there to help.

Volunteering at our local Wildlife Center I got a glimpse of a veterinary life in its rawest sense. There was no cute purring or happy tail wagging in return for the help, but rather snarling teeth and claws; for this is the wild. A different satisfaction was felt as I'd witness a hawk with its wing hanging on fragments of bone later soar into a cloudless sky. Not all cases ended so happily however, and sometimes euthanasia was the only humane solution; but even such sad endings did not dim my enthusiasm. Instead they gave me a clear perspective of the many dangers wild animals face. Seeing the struggles in nature only increased my desire to help wildlife win more of these battles.

Fish hooks embedded into pelican beaks, baby squirrel thrown on the ground from chopped down trees, hit-and-runs, shooting for sport, and poisoning with toxins were often reasons animals were brought to the Wildlife Center. I saw that most of the harm to animals is inflicted by humans This unfortunately will never end, and led to my questioning our purpose. I felt as if we were quixotically fighting. However soon I realized our windmills were not imaginary as I witnessed a miraculous thing. I saw the volunteers acquire a bond with the center that gave them relief and peace of mind. They put all their personal problems aside and coexisted for the animal's sake. We are not hopelessly trying to clean an Augean stable but are working to maintain and preserve the world's harmony between man and animal and man and man. This is where I want to be recruited. I want to join this force and be part of it wherever I go.

There is a certain pride that came with wearing the Wildlife center beige collared shirt. When someone's eye fell upon it I could not help myself from discreetly beaming. Every helping hand counts and can make a difference, including mine. A society filled with the desire to help and learn, leads to a collaborative and positive environment. Thanks to this experience I now understand that dedication and teamwork can really make a difference.

At the University of Florida I would apply these values and help maintain its already harmonious and collaborative ambience. There I would enhance my intellectual abilities and join hands with others to effectively contribute to better life on campus and beyond.
ionutalbu25   
Sep 7, 2009
Undergraduate / 'studying photography' - FSU Essay -- Vires, Artes, Mores [8]

Hi. I copied and pasted your whole essay in a word document because it seems as if the essay is too long. I was right your current essay is 580 words and there is a 400-500 word limit on the topic. So I strongly urge you to cut it down a little bit. Hope this helps. Good luck!
ionutalbu25   
Sep 6, 2009
Undergraduate / " Vires, Artes, Mores" -FSU topic [3]

Thanks for the advice llama. So do you think I should remove the third paragraph or incorporate it so that the flow in the essay is better?
ionutalbu25   
Sep 5, 2009
Undergraduate / " Vires, Artes, Mores" -FSU topic [3]

Reflecting back on my childhood years I realize that a major part of my life was represented by Mores. It was at the age of six when I found myself with tears in my eyes sitting in the uncomfortable chair of a Tarom Airlines plane on an International flight from Timisoara, Romania to Atlanta, Georgia. Many people may feel that at that age I was too young to comprehend what was taking place but I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting in that chair having continuous thoughts about what this "new world" will be like and if I will ever see my friends and extended family again. I remember the plane's engines roaring and the plane lifting off while I looked out the window shocked that I was leaving my life behind. It was only later when I realized that my parents made the decision to immigrate to the United States so our immediate family can continue to search for new and better opportunities.

Although my family traveled approximately four thousand miles to Venice, Florida we were able to keep a clasp on most Romanian customs and traditions while we discovered the opportunities we were searching for. Many outside influences threatened my family's traditions but it seems as if they are dearer to us now than ever before. The smell of sarmale, the Romanian national dish, still circulates through our house every Christmas and Easter. The lyrics and melodies of manele still come out of my dad's stereo speakers every day. But most important to me, everyone in my family is still extremely close to each other as is practical to most families in Romania. This different "Romanian" lifestyle that my family lives makes me completely aware that mores has been one of the main guiding philosophies behind my life.

My family was given the chance of a lifetime to come to the United States of America and this is why I feel that vires signifies me. This chance has opened many doors for me and I always push myself to the best of my ability to make something out of every provided opportunity. The educational system in America gives every student the option to succeed and I took complete advantage of it. This is where vires has had the greatest significance in my life. Although I had to balance my school work, extracurricular activities, and job at the same time, school always came first. No matter how long a homework assignment would be I made sure to put effort in it with the perception that just one homework assignment might affect my whole life.

At FSU I would not only bring my cultural diversity and academic strengths but also my love for music. Having a father who plays the accordion and keyboard really influenced me to have a passion for music. This passion to artes led me to start playing the saxophone and piano which I have played for about ten years now.

ANY HELP WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
ionutalbu25   
Aug 29, 2009
Undergraduate / Life's test and lesson - UF ESSAY ANALYZE! [7]

I feel you lack the explanation to how that experience will REALLY be a significant event that will contribute to your UF experience. What will this experience do to your academics and studies at UF. What will it do when it comes down to contributing to the community?
ionutalbu25   
Aug 29, 2009
Undergraduate / "the role of a surgeon" - A Rather Rough Essay [15]

Cutting open strangely deranged people was not the profession of my choice.
As a surgeon not everyone you cut open is deranged. What if someone needs gallbladder surgery or open heart surgery in spite of medical illness?
ionutalbu25   
Jul 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "My life full of wonderful events" - UF Admissions Essay [9]

My life has been full of wonderful events, great teachers, trustful friends, and loving family members. But most of all, my life has been full of experiences that I now call "good" memories. Some "good" memories that seem to frequently emerge in my thoughts are ones that have occurred during the past two years of high school.

For the past two years, I woke up every Saturday and set out towards the Venice Regional Medical Center at precisely 9:00 am. I would arrive at the hospital, get out of my mom's van, and briskly stream into the front entrance of the hospital knowing I have another four hours of volunteering ahead of me. However, it is not quite as simple as that. Upon entering the hospital it was common for me to run into various senior volunteers whose faces lit up once they saw this "youth of America", as they called me, volunteer show up again. For the senior volunteers, my presence resembled a sign of hope and not just a helping hand.

After getting situated, I would come up with some small talk with my fellow greeter/ wheelchair escort volunteer named Carole. After a while the small talk turns into a more serious conversation about my education. My response always includes segmented details about how much school work I have had the past week and how my intense focus enabled me to conquer it. Realizing just how divulged I have been in my school work this past week Carole quickly changes the topic to how evocative my presence at the hospital is to her. This not only makes me more determined to help Carole out with her errands but it gives me an urge to want to volunteer more often. The gratitude received from my fellow volunteers at the hospital is evidently very great.

Up until 1:00 pm, the time I leave the hospital, I continually escort patients out of the hospital one by one. Although the work is quite hard and at times exhausting I get asked repeatedly if I enjoy volunteering. A simple "yes" always does it because every patient seems to admire that someone my age would give up so much of their time. This admiration does indeed give me a lift to realize just how important giving up a little bit of my spare time really is.

After a full four hours of volunteering it becomes clear that it is my time to go. It is also my time to make sure the volunteers that have the second shift have plenty of help. If help is plenty than I make my way out of the hospital thinking not of how much I helped that day but of how I can continue lending a hand and improving the world bit by bit.

Looking back at this experience it is true that even in college I would give up much of my time to serve the community. Likewise, I will prolong my intense focus on academics with the aim to succeed.

"To do more for the world than the world does for you - that is success." - Henry Ford
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