Scholarship / Scholarship essay about how my master's degree would further my career [3]

I have to write an essay for a scholarship in Australia and I'd like to have some help. I'm struggling to write it and I think it is weak :~

Can someone help?

Please provide details of how your proposed programme would further your academic and/or professional career. (200 words)

The proposed programme would give me a more in-depth understanding of the economics and mathematical principles that govern the modeling and management of pension benefits, general and healthcare insurance. This strong education, associated with my previous work experiences would give me the required background to become a well-rounded actuary and to become the strong professional I want to be. Also, being able to pursue the proposed Master's degree would give me an important professional advantage over others actuaries in Brazil, as there are not postgraduates programs in this field there and many actuaries have not had the opportunity to study abroad to enrich their skills. Additionally, the programme is well-regarded by industry in Australia, which allows me to get a summer internship in Sydney and further even more my career.

Moreover, it offers a research unit for those interested in Academia. This option, coupled with my previous research experiences as an undergraduate researcher as well as during my bachelor's report allows me to achieve my academic ambitions of pursuing a PhD a become a researcher in the field of Population Ageing and how this can impact healthcare costs and retirement benefits to society.

P.S.: My first language is not English so please, correct if you find mistakes =)

Scholarship / Scholarship essay about my proposed programme, why I chose it, what is proposed to achieve [4]

I'm applying to a scholarship and I'd like to receive some feedback about the content of my essay and my gramatical mistakes.

Please summarise, in words that can be understood by a person outside your field, details of your proposed programme, why you chose your proposed host organisation and what your proposed programme is intended to achieve. Also provide details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships. (300 words)

Actuarial Science is the discipline that employs mathematical tools to assess risks in the insurance, financial, social security and public health sectors. It's also applied in the study of demographic changes and in the social processes that underlie future population projections.

I graduated in Actuarial Science in Brazil and I chose the Master in Actuarial Studies program because I want to gain a more in-depth understanding of the economics and statistical principles that govern the modeling of social security and public health systems and how I can use it to benefit my community. The program aims to prepare its students to work both in the private and public sector by given them the possibility to learn the lately technical expertise needed to evaluate financial risks and develop new insurance products as well as to master how superannuation funds, population ageing, retirements benefits and health systems are manage and assessed by the State. I have chosen The University of XXX as it has the best Risk & Actuarial Studies department in Australia and it's considered one of the best universities in the world in this field.

My main goal with this program is to acquire new skills to improve Brazil and benefit my community. I believe I can help Brazil to solve its issues regarding the social security system by applying the knowledge gained in Australia on my work and to improve the life of Brazilians that demand such benefits. Furthermore, in Brazil, Actuarial Science still only limited on a bachelors basis and, with this program, I intend to benefit future development of this science at our universities. Also, during my studies, I'll do a summer internship in Sydney to apply all the mathematical methods learned at university and to specialize in modern approaches used by Australian actuaries.

Scholarship / I'm applying for Endeavour Scholarship & Fellowships Program in order to study in Australia [2]

I'm applying for Endeavour Scholarship & Fellowships Program in order to study in Australia and I'd like to receive some feedback about my essay. I applied for the Master of Actuarial Science (you can check what is Actuarial Science here en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Actuarial_science ).

Please explain how receiving an Endeavour scholarship or fellowship would make a difference to your personal life. (200 words)

benefiting other people with my daily work

I aspire to be a great actuary who can help develop Brazil. Unfortunately, I cannot continue my studies in my home country as there aren't postgraduate programmes in my field of study. So, to continue studying, I need to go abroad and Endeavour Scholarships would have an important role in achieving my personal goals. I'd have the opportunity to study at one of the best universities in the Actuarial Science field, to learn with renowned professors and to receive a stronger training. It'd change my life as it'd give me the needed background to become the great professional I want to be.

Brazil faces too many issues regarding its social security system mostly because there are a lack of qualified actuaries working there. Being a successful applicant of Endeavour would improve my educational, which would contribute to my ambitions of helping develop Brazilian public health and social security systems. This would make a difference in my life as it would allow me to work in favor of the society, improving the services of those important institutions and benefiting my community. Without Endeavour, I would be prevented to realize my dream of benefiting other people with my daily work.

My first language is not English and, if you find some mistakes, please correct me!