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Posts by Giansy11
Name: Dina Barly
Joined: Sep 15, 2016
Last Post: Oct 23, 2016
Threads: 18
Posts: 32  
Likes: 5
From: Indonesia
School: PB

Displayed posts: 50 / page 2 of 2
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Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / HULA DANCING. Hawaii is not only full of beautiful views, but it is also a rich culture. [3]

Hii Bismillah..
You can deliver well and make us as the reader understand your article.
But, i have some corrections of your summary,

A great deal of people whohave has a dream to visit the beautiful Hawai Island
IT has culture which has devidedto such as,dancer ( make it clear, divided to? )
...they perform with the graceful dance which WERE performed by almost females by wearing grass skirt ...

Furthermore, the Hula dances were devided divided to be the ancient ...
... dance performed to the accompanientment (?) of the chants and ...
Giansy11   
Sep 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / (TED) Cameron Russell: Looks aren't everything. Believe me, I'm a model [5]

Hii VKWSSH99 ( how i can pronounce your name? :D )
That was interesting summary, but lemme give you some corrections, if you don't mind

..., high, slight, femininity and white skin and but also it is inheritance that she has been ...
Remember : not only..... but also

She just really want to say to the little of her she always said to herself, that ...

... the fact that she have has to think how is her appearance every day.
The last word she can said that she hopes (singular subject) comfortable in knowing the strength of portrait in our apprehend éclat and abortive. we be more understand of portrait apprehended éclat and abortive, after know the truth .
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / "YAP" - THE TED SUMMARY; IS THE FUTURE OF MONEY [2]

Hii Bismillah,
That was a great explanation, but let me give some corrections, if you don't mind.

Money is about the exchanges and ...
* Money is the exchanges and transactions that we use to fulfill our needed.

Based on the story,when it lived in Micronesia in the early 1900s,called by the YAP.
* Based on story, Micronesia in the early 1900s, called money with YAP.

Note:
1. pay attention with your sentence, use appositive with the right way ( n,n,v)
2. Fragmented sentence ( conjunction)
3. structure and grammar
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Am I hero? The Epic Ed Snowden [2]

Ed Snowden become the fundamental since he divulge the big secret of NSA. Starting in 2014, he e has been the most dangerous of United States government, especially National Security Agency (NSA). Before he did, he was work as a one of NSA's agents, and he suddenly divulge NSA confidential documents to the public. And as the result, citizens know every violations conducted NSA data breach user privacy concerning internet and telecommunication world is revealed.

Because of his bold actions, Ed Snowden, as known as whistle-blower be arrested by America and Germany Police.
Even though he has much follower, and has title as a traitor, a hero, but he prefer to say himself as an American and I'm a citizen, just like everyone else.

124 words
source : youtube.com/watch?v=yVwAodrjZMY
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Terrifying There Is A Search Engine to Browse Vulnerable Webcams by Laura Beck [2]

Hii Ledha..
That was a great article summary, but i have some corrections to you, if you don't mind.

... protect themselves as well as wethey can
... kitchens, living rooms, garage , front and back gardens,ski slopes...
* the example should be parallel : garage is countable

it then then takes a picture of what ...

... however we always try to do a hardmore efforts for making our life more peaceful.
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some years ago people enjoyed the place where they lived, on this present time it's different [2]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. these days, people often move around. they often live in several different places in their lifetime. what are the advantages and disadvantages of both ?

give the reason for your answer and include any relevant information from your own knowledge and experience.


A couple years ago, comfort zone, will make people enjoying the place where they are, and prefer to stay among their life. Different case happen on this present time, where citizen more likely to change the place where they live, and whole their life, they already stay in several areas. These live habits have positive and negative aspects.

Staying in one place is the best way to enjoy and know more the environment. When they already with the place, directly they will preserve the creatures and everything there, because they think all of them already be a united as a one. The environment and creatures have concrete relation will be kept by human, who lived there. However, people will feel bored with the circumstances, and try to find another way to enjoy the same place. They tend to abuse the source to fulfill their desire of the fed up. At last, people who stay at the same place should be smart to manage their desire with the things they have.

On the other hand, moving around places, will have new experiences and challenges. Along with their move, they might be understanding the world, also learn the other cultures depend on the place they stay. People, who like to try another place will gain knowledge about food, culture, behavior of local people. Nevertheless, they will fell more stressful at the first time, because they should learn a new culture and interact with strangers. They are easy to make mistakes, because they have yet there before.

To sum up, two different living places with the benefits and drawbacks, stay forever at the same place, have more advantages than move around.

278 words
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / I'm industrious person who'll achieve 6.5 Band,EILTS Writing 3 - First Headlamps [3]

Hi Fitry...
i have a few comments, if you don't mind.

Even thought, there are several imperfectionsnamely: easily extinguished and hard to carry.
Several + plural
Afterward, several countries namely Russia, French and the United ...
As a know, namely used when want to give more detail or be more exact.
in this case, better use such as, Rusia, French and the United States.
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people believe, that drink milk and eat chicken soup can heal the cold. [3]

Summary - What do you know about the common cold?

Some people believe, that drink milk and eat chicken soup can heal the cold.

Chill is common in cold weather, where human's antibody are getting down and cannot prevent their body from the windy. The symptoms can be recognize by sneezing, coughing, handshakes on one another. The wrong way of people's thinking to avoid this ill, is stick together with the others, to keep body's warm, it was useless. There is no medicine for these symptoms, but there are simple ways to get better soon.

Ranit Mishori, a doctor at Georgetown Univesity Medical Center in Washington, consume honey can make patient feel better. But just give to adult, not for the babies less than one years old, because it will make the babies suffering more than before. The other ways is eat chicken soup, because it has anti-infammantory properties, and will clear the mucus also reduce duration of cold. However, milk has different ways of heal. Dr. Ranit said it maybe be help and maybe not, it will be helping, but it can make thicken the secretion.

Overall, knowing the symptoms of cold, and find the treatment to get better soon.
Giansy11   
Sep 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sumary of Myriad Subways in Europe [3]

Public transportation was being a big deal in myriad Europe cities, namely insuch as London, Paris also and Moscow. ( for make example, use such as, n,n,n )

Subway is not uncommongeneral or common transportation in Europe there anymore , not only for public transportation but also for describedescribing art and achievement of theirthe nation, ( for + n/np)

absolutelyit makes tourist interested directly make it become tourism objects.
In London, eversince 1863 subway is major ...
Since 1863, subway become the main public transportation in London during traffic jam caused by pedestrian and horses.
The government opts to build the railway on (...), which construction deeper tunnel due to keep not destroycollapse (use the strong verb )the building above the land.( Government is singular, use verb s)

..., there are subways with Nouveau's art , touch the mostly ...

That's makes Paris typical has unusual subway we know as as known as Paris Metro.

By contrast with Paris, in Moscow, as we know, there ...
Moscow, the capital city of Russia, has similiar name with Paris, The Moscow Metro. This subway makes with headquarter, during World War II

... weather with extremely temperature, where is often happened in there.

Good writing, hope you will success with your future.
Giansy11   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: What's wrong with our food system? [4]

Hallo Bung Ilham, that is interest topic, overall your idea already delivered. However, I have several suggestions for your writing.

Birke Baehr, 11 years old, talked (talk) about what is ...
This is appositive sentence = noun+noun+v1
To begin with, kids are easily led to believe all the marketing and ... ( use the strong vocab, and make it simple to understand)

This genetically engineered (seeds?) and organisms
Food production has been proven to cause cancer (...) and people human , when they consumed unhealthy food since 1990

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