Posts by ibe13

ibe13

Sep 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / Should students study in the single-sex schools in order to perform better academically [3]

halo Rafael,here are my thoughts for your essay:

It is said that students should study in the single-sex schools in order to perform better academically, however, I agree withI am more likely to tend to agree with the view(notion, statement) that it would be better for teenagers to study in mixed school.

~~It is true that there are several advantages for students to study in the single-sex schools.~~
Firstly,one of the benefits of student in the single-sex schools is students could concentrate on the courses and learning. They would not be interrupted by some gender issues.

For example, my high school was a single-sex school. And I had less chances to talk with girls at that time.
But Ididn'tdid not feel anything wrong about it, instead I felt quite rather comfortable to get along ~~with~~ my classmates.
Besides, I could spend most of the time on my study and hobbies.
Secondly , another advantage is there would be less gender problems in single-sex schools.
Boys and girls are different by nature.
Separating them in single-sex schools prevents some gender issues, such as sex harassment or conflicts between them, which would deter students from focusing on their learning.

ibe13

Sep 21, 2016

Writing Feedback / Summary: Violent Crime Rising in U.S. Cities Compared to 2015 [2]

2016 saw a dramatic increase of violent crime in some major U.S. cities. This continues a trend which began last year after decades when criminal level fell. A new survey released that there were 307 more homicides in big cities in the period of the first six months of 2016 than the same period of 2015. The survey also found there have been around 1,000 more robberies, 2,000 more serious assaults and 600 less severe shootings in 2016. The Brennan Center, a nonpartisan law and policy institute, showed that out of the 51 cities included in the survey, the murder rate rose in 29 cities and dropped in 22. More than 50% of the uptick in homicides took place in Las Vegas, Chicago and Orlando, where 49 persons were killed last month. In addition, Ames Grawert, a counselor in the Brennan Center's Justice Program, noted that the mid-year survey does not signify a nationwide crime wave.

(156 words)

ibe13

Sep 21, 2016

Writing Feedback / Summary: Why education, not punishment, is the solution to reducing crime | John Lonergan [3]

In the last few decades, the improvement of prison became a center of attention. This is because people have realized that prisoners are not a different species of human being; they are us. John Lonergan is a very active man who participates in a lot of voluntary and charity work and he has even written a book. Lonergan believes that punishment was not the best solution to make criminals to be better. Building trust from them is the starting point that must be developed. To gain the trust of criminals is a difficult and time consuming undertaking but without trust there will be little progress. If people really want to help and support them, we will have to listen to what prisoners need. In addition to, education for criminals is the most essential factor for their future. For example, more than 30% of criminals cannot continue their career because they have no knowledge and skills needed when they are free from prison. Thus, before being free, prisoners must have provision to achieve their goal.

(174 words)

ibe13

Sep 21, 2016

Writing Feedback / Having a job that we love can be simply called as enjoying our hobby and get paid for it. [4]

hi kiki,
today I just focus on your introduction. It is clear that to make introduction well, you have to pay attention two important matters; background (paraphrasing of the task) and your position.

here are my thoughts for your essay, check it out;

There are a lot of ~~reasons~~ways~~of people~~ to be happy person . Some people believe ~~one of~~ the most essential factors is to have a job you love doinghaving a fascinating job while ~~the other~~others think it is a well-paid job ...

However, the rest of the people mention a lot of reason to be happy for adults...however, other people are more likely to claim that the happiness can be found in other ways such as having a quality time of vacation.

I hope it can be helpful

ibe13

Sep 21, 2016

Writing Feedback / HULA DANCING. Hawaii is not only full of beautiful views, but it is also a rich culture. [3]

hi syukron, here are my thoughts for you:

- there are several misspelling words such as Hawai // Hawaii , touristm //tourism , devided // divided , accompanientment // accompaniment , Hawaaiian // Hawaiian

Yes ,that certainly.There are many kinds were belonged to Hawai (...), and the last is stories. (this sentence has many main verb, so that you have to add connector or delete two main verb) IT has culture which ...

... they perform with the graceful dance ~~which WERE~~ performed by almost females ...
Furthermore, the Hula dances were devided toconsist of two style; the ancient and modern styles.

ibe13

Sep 20, 2016

Writing Feedback / TED Talk Summary 1: Grit - The Power of Passion and Perseverance - Angela Lee Duckworth [3]

here are my thoughts:

Intelligence Quotient (IQ) was not the onlyusually followed by "but also" difference between the best and the worst students. In education,the one thing is known to measure bestis IQ(1 sentence 1 main verb) . In all those very different contexts, one characteristic emerged as a significant predictor of success and it was not social intelligence, not good looks, physical health, and not IQ.(you have no main verb in this sentence) It was grit. The Grit is passion and perseverance for ~~very~~ long-term goals. A talent does not make our gritty(make+object+adjective) . The grit is usually unrelated to or even inversely related to a measure of talent.

... because they do not believe in that failure is a permanent condition.

I hope it can be helpful