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Posts by nda18
Name: ndanggraeni
Joined: Oct 27, 2016
Last Post: Dec 9, 2016
Threads: 46
Posts: 81  
Likes: 9
From: Indonesia
School: Padjadjaran University

Displayed posts: 127 / page 4 of 4
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nda18   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The importance of communication skills in job relation [4]

Hi yika,

when i read your writing, i do not know what kind of writing it is, is it essay? or summary?
however, you bring the word 'table' that means that this is writing task 1 for IELTS.

> Firstly, please attach the image of the table, so we can check the information in your essay.
> Regardless YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERROR, i think your essay is not provide information well.it is because i cannot imagine the table just by reading your essay. you also not mention several information, but explain the increment, making the reader confused.

> it would be better if you arrange your information again.
> here are my suggestion for you

... who are asked in the survey tendTENDED to increase from 1997 to 2006....
...in 1997 isWAS dealing with...
...which it isWAS mean that this isWAS almost twice...
... communication haveHAD the same trend...
...of skills tendTENDED to increase...
...service decreaseDECREASED at 21...
...also haveHAD many kinds...
...types tendTENDED to increase...
...to colleges hasHAD ...

(always WATCH YOUR TENSES)

... of external communication which is needed by someone ...
( you do not have MAIN VERB here)

thank you, i hope it will help you
keep writing and break a leg
nda18   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Bees of the sea : Tiny crustaceans pollinate underwater plants [2]

Seagrass swirling around the current and flow can be a ride for tiny species on the sea, provide food and habitat for microscopic species such as crustaceans to manatees, and contribute in stabilising the coast through it roots. According to scientist from National Autonomous University of Mexico, Brigitta van Tussenbroek, she and her colleagues were surprised when they found hundreds of invertebrates, chiefly small crustaceans, act like pollinators visiting flowers of a turtle-grass bed and carrying pollen. To explore this further, the researchers create an aquarium including crustacean, male and female turtle-grass flowers, and seawater. After several minutes, they found that extra grains appeared on female blooms on aquarium with invertebrates. This pollinators has a gooey and tasty body, and scientist believed that some pollen sticks to their bodies while they eat. So far, the discovery of sea bees which have only been seen visiting turtle grass can describe interesting plant-animal interaction that has not completely described, said researcher from Louisiana, Kelly Darnell.

newscientist
nda18   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / People tend to enjoy interaction with their friends in social networking more than in the real life [4]

hi yika,

> the first think that i realize from your essay is your essay does not well structured. it would be better if you put or mention your idea in your introduction paragraph.

> secondly, your body paragraph is not well structured also. it should contain several aspect :
1. Your MAIN IDEA
2. EXPLANATION
3. EXAMPLE
4. RESULT
5. CONCLUSION
> when it come to CC (coherence and cohesion), i think your ideas were great, but it lack of coherence, example does not match with main idea.

> another main issue is grammar and lexical resource, sometimes you use disorganize structure, leading to some vague sentences, so here are my correction for you

...although I do also deliver positive effect of...
( .. although i do also believe that there are positive effect of ...)

> your first body has very long sentence, it would be better if you cut it. here my correction for you
First of all, the electronic medias have advantage in the communication. It is because we can use interesting features like facebook, twitter, and whatsapp application which available in information devices. It also easy to use because we just only touch the screen and we can keep in touch with our friends in social networking without the limitation of distance and times. NEED EXAMPLE HERE However, this positive impact can become negative impact to our direct communication in real life.

you can continue to fix your essay, i hope my suggestion will help.
thank you, keep writing and break a leg.
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / The appearance of people as one of the essential indications of what characteristics they possess [3]

hi dioba,

> i found that your essay is not answer the task, because i think your idea it nor really clear.

> For 'both views' task, you should mention the given notion and discuss it, well, i would say that your first body should discuss about CLOTHES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INDICATION and your second body should discuss about the counter-argument : DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR CLOTHES.

> i also found that YOUR ESSAY IS LESS COHERENCE because you mention several factor that affect people, and i think you do not need them, just focus on both views albeit perhaps it would be needed for explanation.

> the predominant issues for your essay are your grammar (it not quite good, there are many mistakes and leading to vague and confusing sentence ) and your complex sentence which are less accurate.

> it would be better if you learn about linking verb.


so these are my correction for your essay

...certain people say that appearance of peoplepeople appearanceisbecomes one of the essential indication....

...of what severe characteristics they arelook like...

while the others argue THAT people have not to judgeSHOULD NOT BE JUDGED by their appearance....

...people should be obeySHOULD OBEYof their company...

... because they are work in different work environment, and they should adapt to their new work atmosphere.... (REPETITION : WORK)..

so dioba, that is my sample correction, i hope you can fix the rest of your essay..
i hope it will help, keep writing and break a leg.

regards.
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Longer 'Penis' drives evolution of bigger brains in female fish [2]

For male mosquitofish, bigger genitals mean more mating success, and surprisingly the development of male organs lead females to evolve their brain size, become larger, to escape from overeager mates. The mating system between males and females mosquitofish started when the males sneak up and attempt to copulate by force using a modified anal fin, called the gonopodium, in order to send sperm into females. Severine Buechel and colleagues conducted a research to test the notion that females develop bigger brains to defend against males, and males response it by evolve their brains too. The study found that there was no evidence that male brains got bigger at the same time as females. The mating system which is far from romantic among mosquitofish triggers many risks for females, and having a lager brain might help them to spot and get away from males. According to Buechel, brain development might be gone in different way, and it depends on adopted mating strategy.

newscientist
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2 - Safety standards are important when building people's homes. [3]

Hi @krempetkov

> i found that your essay lack of example, i think you should give several example in order to emphasize your statement.
> there are many collocations which seem not right in several sentences.
> i also found that your introduction is a little bit confusing because you mention the notion that is not mentioned from the question. you should mentioned your notion for your body.

> i think your notion in your introduction and your body paragraph is not coherence.
> the predominant issue are you have many mistakes regarding to grammar and spelling

so here are my sample correction for your essay

...wepeoplehaevhave experienced several devastating tradegiestragedies involving building, which did not corresponded to the safety standards.

...The question,This brings up a question regarding who should take the responsibility for creatingdesigning strict and reasonable build codes,
however IT is causing some tension in the society. In my opinion, the building companies (...) since they have the full a control of the building process, while the government needs to set strict building ...

i hope you can fix the rest of your essay,
keep writing and break a leg
nda18   
Dec 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Listening Summary : Chaos Theory - the alteration of dynamic variables [2]

Chaos theory is a branch of physics and mathematics that focus on the alteration of dynamic variables. Initially, chaos theory was evolved when the scientist observed the movement of the planet and changes in environment. However, this theory can also be applied in economy field. For some economist, this theory can be used to forecasting and making a prediction of financial evidence. In 1990, the number of economist increased in the research involving chaos theory to seek out the model of forecasting. The basic ideas in making the model was by involving the pattern of change and development, and taking into account all viable variables. These notions made forecasting become over-challenging. The chaos theory, actually, change the linear system which is believed in the past, become non-linear system with involving the variables alterations. All we can learn from chaos theory is that it simply teaches about accepting uncertainty.

source : IELTS Cambridge

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