Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The appearance of people as one of the essential indications of what characteristics they possess

Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Dec 8, 2016   #1
Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, certain people say that appearance of people is one of the essential indication f what severe characteristics they are like while the others argue people have not to judge by their appearance. Personally, there are several factors affect people appearance such as age, culture and job.

In several conditions, people should be obey of their company which make rules about the employees appearance because they are work in different work environment and they should adapt to their new work atmosphere. Their appearance will affect people impression for them and it have an important role in the process of work. For illustrate, someone work as a bank officer should be keep their appearance such as tidy and clean because they have to meet the bank costumers and occupants serve them with good attitude. Both of tidy and clean appearance and good attitude will make the costumers are comfortable.

In the other side, some people view their appearance as parts of their passion while the others show their appearance as an identity of their age and their culture. They argue that appearance is not representing their real look like because they have several specific reasons such as their lifestyle, age or job. For illustrate, a field engineer should be work in land mining, they use wear-pack and safety helmet and sometimes they inspect systems in the mining make them dirty and stingy while others meet them and they do not know about the job, they will assess the occupant as a person unaware about cleanliness and appearance.

All in all, age, culture and job are the several factors affect to people appearance and I tend to a statement that do not judge the book by its cover because every person has their personal background about their appearance decision.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 8, 2016   #2
Sorry to say that this essay might only reach either 4 or 5 due to unclear both views discussion. You are suggested to discuss the first view (about clothes represent characteristics) and the second view (about people cannot be judged based on their appearance), as simple as that. Then why did you jump up to quite unrelated answer? You're not being told to look for the factors that affect the appearance, but you might need to alter the word formation into the most appropriate one. For instance, instead of saying "there are several factors affect people appearance such as age, culture and job.", you can just say "people cannot be judged by their appearance because it doesn't represent what is the real quality of a person itself."

Also, you need to learn more about grammar. It looks really messy and confusing for the reader. Try to come up with simple sentences first if you're not sure about what you're going to write. Remember, less accurate complex sentences would make your band score can only reach 5 in terms of grammatical range and accuracy.
nda18 46 / 81 9  
Dec 9, 2016   #3
hi dioba,

> i found that your essay is not answer the task, because i think your idea it nor really clear.

> For 'both views' task, you should mention the given notion and discuss it, well, i would say that your first body should discuss about CLOTHES ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INDICATION and your second body should discuss about the counter-argument : DO NOT JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR CLOTHES.

> i also found that YOUR ESSAY IS LESS COHERENCE because you mention several factor that affect people, and i think you do not need them, just focus on both views albeit perhaps it would be needed for explanation.

> the predominant issues for your essay are your grammar (it not quite good, there are many mistakes and leading to vague and confusing sentence ) and your complex sentence which are less accurate.

> it would be better if you learn about linking verb.

so these are my correction for your essay

...certain people say that appearance of peoplepeople appearanceisbecomes one of the essential indication....

...of what severe characteristics they arelook like...

while the others argue THAT people have not to judgeSHOULD NOT BE JUDGED by their appearance....

...people should be obeySHOULD OBEYof their company...

... because they are work in different work environment, and they should adapt to their new work atmosphere.... (REPETITION : WORK)..

so dioba, that is my sample correction, i hope you can fix the rest of your essay..
i hope it will help, keep writing and break a leg.


Home / Writing Feedback / The appearance of people as one of the essential indications of what characteristics they possess