My name is Gloria Dang (Thi Hien Trang Dang). I'm Vietnamese and currently doing the 2-year GCSE course in an independent school in England. I'm applying for an A Level course at CCSS (Cambridge Centre for Sixth Form Studies) in September 2016. The school asked me to send them a handwriting letter with the subject as above. I've written one and would like to hear some comments on it and parts that I need to add or fix.
At the beginning of the letter I'm considering should I write an introduction or something similar as in a normal letter?
This is what I have written. Thank you so much for helping me.
Dear Sir or Madam,
Being independent to choose your own pathway, career and future, being in a strange environment, meeting new people and friends who don't speak the same language as you... I have asked myself the same question countlessly:"Is this a good decision?"
I, was once a 7-year-old child who liked playing truant with friends rather than going to school and of course, didn't realize the importance of education to myself and my family. However, the more grown up I am, the more hope and belief I saw my brother, parents and teachers put in me, and it changed me little by little - I started to pay more attention to my own study and slowly had a bigger objective of aiming for a higher education to become a lawyer.
My parents are business people who have been in computers, printers and LED technology field since 1997. They have built a strong and stable connections between partners all around the world and established a reputable brand throughout the country - Cat Tuong. They always put their own hearts and minds into their jobs in order to support us achieve our goals and careers. My brother, who is 2 years older than me, is currently studying in an English specialized high school in Vietnam and preparing to go to the United States to take a degree in Business. But I, the youngest one, had already said goodbye to the family to live and study in a strange country where despite I don't have any friends or '2nd family' beside me but has become more mature, self-reliant and developed an ambition for myself.
The moment I decide to study Law, in spite of my family and friends' strong objections, I still want to walk until the end of this road because it's the only career I want to try my best to succeed to help the submerged tenth who are struggling in this harsh and discriminating society. I have seen people lose their homes, lands and families unreasonably but they couldn't do anything apart from begging the local authorities endlessly and hopelessly. I have seen stellionate happened to my beloved ones, but nobody was willing to help us. Even more fiendish, people tricked thousands of low-educated families into obedience for their own benefits, but none of them had enough power or understanding about legislation to bring it to the court. In addition, an innocent victim was accused of being a murderer and had been in jail meaninglessly for 10 years until the real killer confessed. As a result, he and his family had to live a rough and tumble life in stigma. Everything happens in front of me, I want to contribute to bring an end to this miserable reality with my knowledge.
In order to do it, I see a long way ahead with obstacles waiting for me. I don't have anything but a brave heart and a strong commitment. CCSS can educate me to be stronger to achieve a higher standard so that I can be qualified for my goal of being a Law student in London School of Economics and Political Science. CCSS will be a foundation for me to make further stepping stone to advance myself by contending against difficulties.
I would be honored and grateful if you can accept my application and consider an academic scholarship.
Thank you very much for your consideration.
I'm looking forward to your reply.
Sincerely Yours,
Gloria Dang
At the beginning of the letter I'm considering should I write an introduction or something similar as in a normal letter?
This is what I have written. Thank you so much for helping me.
Dear Sir or Madam,
Being independent to choose your own pathway, career and future, being in a strange environment, meeting new people and friends who don't speak the same language as you... I have asked myself the same question countlessly:"Is this a good decision?"
I, was once a 7-year-old child who liked playing truant with friends rather than going to school and of course, didn't realize the importance of education to myself and my family. However, the more grown up I am, the more hope and belief I saw my brother, parents and teachers put in me, and it changed me little by little - I started to pay more attention to my own study and slowly had a bigger objective of aiming for a higher education to become a lawyer.
My parents are business people who have been in computers, printers and LED technology field since 1997. They have built a strong and stable connections between partners all around the world and established a reputable brand throughout the country - Cat Tuong. They always put their own hearts and minds into their jobs in order to support us achieve our goals and careers. My brother, who is 2 years older than me, is currently studying in an English specialized high school in Vietnam and preparing to go to the United States to take a degree in Business. But I, the youngest one, had already said goodbye to the family to live and study in a strange country where despite I don't have any friends or '2nd family' beside me but has become more mature, self-reliant and developed an ambition for myself.
The moment I decide to study Law, in spite of my family and friends' strong objections, I still want to walk until the end of this road because it's the only career I want to try my best to succeed to help the submerged tenth who are struggling in this harsh and discriminating society. I have seen people lose their homes, lands and families unreasonably but they couldn't do anything apart from begging the local authorities endlessly and hopelessly. I have seen stellionate happened to my beloved ones, but nobody was willing to help us. Even more fiendish, people tricked thousands of low-educated families into obedience for their own benefits, but none of them had enough power or understanding about legislation to bring it to the court. In addition, an innocent victim was accused of being a murderer and had been in jail meaninglessly for 10 years until the real killer confessed. As a result, he and his family had to live a rough and tumble life in stigma. Everything happens in front of me, I want to contribute to bring an end to this miserable reality with my knowledge.
In order to do it, I see a long way ahead with obstacles waiting for me. I don't have anything but a brave heart and a strong commitment. CCSS can educate me to be stronger to achieve a higher standard so that I can be qualified for my goal of being a Law student in London School of Economics and Political Science. CCSS will be a foundation for me to make further stepping stone to advance myself by contending against difficulties.
I would be honored and grateful if you can accept my application and consider an academic scholarship.
Thank you very much for your consideration.
I'm looking forward to your reply.
Sincerely Yours,
Gloria Dang