Please help me out guys, review and correct.
Master's program application
Since my childhood, I have been engrossed by the fundamental working principles governing our world. I was always inquisitive about everything, to the point where I would break or tamper with appliances at home just to see what was inside and how they work. It is this exploration that led me to take up science as my major, because I wanted to understand the basic building blocks of the universe, of how the materials functioned, and gain knowledge about the concepts governing the world of science and technology as well as its varied applications in different areas. After my high school, I secured myself an admission in the Federal University of Technology Akure, from where I have pursued a Bachelor's degree in Materials and Metallurgical Engineering and I would like to further my education by obtaining a MSc degree in Material Science and Engineering, which is why I'm applying for this scholarship.
My undergraduate studies contained courses like Strength of Materials, Materials characterization, Materials Fracture, Failure analysis, Composite Materials, etc. During my studies in the university, I worked on several programs and projects which has really exposed me to the world of Materials. My research work made me discovered that Polymer matrix composite has been developing and is been utilized in the engineering field with developing technologies which is due to its inherent properties like light weight, corrosion resistance, wear resistance among other properties and on the account of these properties, composite materials has been replacing some other material for structural application, in the automobile industry and some other fields. My academic research interest is to investigate the influence of agro waste products reinforced epoxy composites on polymer degradation and in the new materials for energy storage and conversion. I wish to conduct research in this area because in the contemporary world, materials hold the key to many advanced energy technologies. This fact has rendered me to appreciate materials and explore more of its aspects.
My final year project was based on investigating the influence of palm kernel shell ash reinforced epoxy composites on polymer degradation. Epoxy resins possess a number of drawbacks such as brittleness upon curing, low stiffness and strength when compared to metals and these has limited their uses in engineering applications. However, these limitations were improved by adding reinforcements as a means of enhancing the properties of epoxy resin. The composite formed was subjected to different environment, to check for likely alterations in their properties, functionality and longevity in service. I was unable to complete this research work due to lack of resources and required equipment. Although many work has been done using natural fibres as reinforcement in polymers, but Scientist are interested in the bio-degradability of material, in which much work has not been done. I am interested in this area to know the degradability nature of natural fibre/particulate reinforced composites, which is part of the reason why I have decided to further my studies in one of the best university in the world, where I can complete my research. By the way, that's not all I did in university, I was an active member of various societies of the university. I was able to polish my leadership skills by serving the department as director of Social Events and Sports for almost a year. I was also a crucial member of the Soccer Team in the official sports society of the university. Being a part of this groups taught me how to work in a team.
I strongly believe that having an opportunity to study in your institution will be a great privilege for me as my study will equip me with the needed materials criterion to aid me advance understanding in a variety of research areas, including nanotechnology, biomaterials, polymers and generally help me to create and discover new materials for structural application, in the automobile industry and some other fields. In my home country, there is still a big shortage of skilled personnel in the field of materials as most of the jobs in this area are being handled by Expatriates. I hope to help fill this gap upon completion of the program by working as a consultant to material Engineering firms in my country and also teaching others who may wish to delve into this path of career. I am very aware of the excellent reputation of your university, and my conversations with several of your alumni have served to deepen my interest in running my Master's program in the university. I hope to be considered for this program.
Thank you for considering my application and I look forward to hearing a positive response from you.
Overall I think this letter is pretty solid in content as it ticked all the boxes, showed who you are, your interest, your experience, future aspiration, why you need the education.... I also think a paragraph about how you would contribute to the school would be beneficial.
That being said, I still detected some small mistakes, right from the very first line: it's engrossed in not engrossed by. There's a lot of applicants who wrote about childhood dreams in their essays, try to find what set you out from the rest, dig deeper into why you want to know about "the building block of the universe" other than just simply saying it's your natural curiosity.
Also, please don't say "By the way, that's not all I did in university" as it makes you suddenly seem very informal, maybe try "Beyond the academics" or something along those lines.
Anyway this is just my first read of your essay, please reread this very carefully before submitting, even one grammar mistake could make the difference between rejection and acceptance
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,562 4442
Aside from the final paragraph of this essay, the earlier parts of the presentation are not applicable to a letter of motivation or motivation statement. The preceding paragraphs are mostly required for the personal statement, except for the very first paragraph, which is not required material for any of the required masters essay application essays.
The revised essay should be built up based on the final paragraph content as these reflect the motivation for your interest in the course based on a learning aspect. What is missing from your presentation is the professional / career motivation that has spurred your interest in higher learning. The motivation letter should reflect on several information which are:
Par. 1: Your career background
Par. 2: Your inadequacies that have motivated a desire for higher learning
Par. 3: Why you feel that the course you have chosen to study applies to these skills building requirements
Par. 4: Why the university you chose falls best under your academic and professional requirements
Aside from these required information, nothing else should be reflected in the motivation letter.