Recommendation Letter by Mentor in University for A Scholarship Application

Hi all! Please help me review this recommendation letter that my mentor wrote for me for a scholarship application. She sent me a draft, which I have edited in terms of grammar and sentence structure. However, I need input on the content itself before I send it back to her for signature.

many fine qualities

To Whom It May Concern,

It is with much enthusiasm that I recommend Hana Xxxx for the inclusion in your Scholarship Program.

I am writing to tell you of the many fine qualities of Hana, whom I have known for five (5) years in various capacities. I was Hana's mentor for multiple art projects during her study at the University of Xxxx. Hana displayed a level of creativity, wit, and analytical thought that is quite rare among her peers.

I have had the chance to get to know her when she spent much of her time volunteering for the gallery and museum as well as the faculty and I say without a doubt that you are dealing with a person of very good moral character. She operates with integrity, and never has a bad word to say about anyone. She is also hard working and dedicated, and never leaves a job unfinished.

Hana's academic strengths are complemented by her demonstrated leadership skills - she was among the few students who founded the yearly event for university art exhibition for two years and served as lead designer for the exhibition. She also volunteered for two years in the University of Xxxx Art Gallery.

On a personal level, I may just say that I really like her, and I have no doubts about her abilities to succeed in the future. I believe I am in the perfect position to evaluate her strengths and weaknesses outside the working environment, and with those in mind, I can easily recommend her without reservation.

Please let me know if I can provide any more information to strengthen Hana's candidacy for your Scholarship Program. She has a very special spark, and I trust she will go far in making our world a better place.

Sincerely,

Xxxx
Curator and Museum Educator
University of Xxxx

Please let me know if I can ...
->I highly recommend her to your scholarship program, If you need further information, feel free to contact me at (Mail/Phone).

On a personal level, I may just ...
-> From my perspective, I truly believe she will be very successful in the coming future.

Hana, the first thing missing in this letter is a self-introduction from the person who wrote the letter. Prior to letting the reviewer know in what capacity this person knows you, he should first let the reviewer know his name and organizational attachment. The paragraphs are too short at only 2 sentences each. That leaves the paragraphs little developed and not really helpful in terms of recommending you. One way to strengthen this letter is by adding an element that refers to how you handle unexpected situations, pressure on the job, and an understanding of your research abilities in relation to your chosen masters degree. Focus on the highlights of your skills. It is better to list these notable elements as bullet points. Have the recommender choose your top 3 qualities as a student, a researcher, and an artist. These can represent your most notable accomplishments and reasons why you will succeed as a masters degree student in this field. Right now, your recommendation letter only lists points but doesn't develop a convincing discussion for the reviewer to consider.

This is my suggestion for your first paragraph but I am not sure if it is good(Something to think)

I am writing this in enthusiastic support of Hana whom she worked with me on multiple art projects during the time she was studying XXXXX at the University of XXXX. I've found Hana a creative person with excellent critical thinking capability.

good luck....