Hi, can anyone help revise my essays? This is from last year's entry (unsuccessful) and I am planning to apply again this year. A thousand thank.
Australia Award Scholarship application
First choice: The University of Queensland
Second choice: The University of New South Wales
What are your plans when you finish your studies*?
I am eager to aim a higher position in an Education field so that I can influence many people to spread the English teaching principals that I will have learned from the study. In order to do that, I will apply a position of a lecturer in a university in Kediri to teach in English Language Teaching or Teacher Training program, and/or build my own English school in Kampung Inggris (English Village) Pare, Kediri.
How did you choose your proposed course and institution*?
I choose Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) in The University of Queensland which is aligned with my educational background that is English Education. I am interested in deepening my knowledge about second language acquisition and its contribution to English teaching. I am also eager to learn more about culture and curriculum and how to implement a good curriculum in a school.
My undergraduate education provided me plenty of knowledge and practice in English teaching. The subjects such as TEFL, second language acquistion, material development, phonology and psycholinguistics have broadened my mind to understand English teaching in a different perspective and they help me to implement them in my work. During my teaching experience, I have used the knowledge to plan and teach English in a way that the students find it easy to understand and I also have applied the linguistics aspects of English teaching and it results great. That helps me also to communicate with my students' parents and guide them to understand their child's behaviour and English development.
From my research about the universities that offer TESOL in Australia, I found that as I need to master language curriculum planning and practical skills in teaching, The University of Queensland offers what I need. It provides a wide range of courses such as TESOL curriculum, Language Testing and Assessment, Language and Technology and Teaching Languages in a Global Context that will support my skills development as an English educator.
How will the proposed study contribute to your career*?
With the knowledge and experience that I obtain from the future study, I will have the opportunity to gain more skills that I need to become a great and inspiring teacher. My future goal is to become an English educator for all ages with up-to-date knowledge and practical skills in English teaching issue. My bachelor degrees and working experience have provided me a strong foundation for both; this master program will provide me the skills in second language reading and writing, theory, research and practice in classroom second language acquisition and language in education planning principals in order to polish what I have got so far so that I can make a significant difference in English teaching. Furthermore, in Indonesia, students often complain about how boring an English classroom is. In addition, many people still think that English is scary and difficult. I want to change that perspective by giving different approaches in teaching English. Furthermore, living abroad in an English speaking country such as Australia gives me plethora of knowledge and experience that I can share to my students.
Please:- a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.*:
a) 1. One possible option is applying for a position of lecturer in a university in my hometown, Kediri. It is a small city where there are big rooms to improve. With the knowledge and skills that I obtain from the scholarship, I can help to improve the quality of the students who will become English teachers in the future. From what I will have mastered I want to encourage my students to get the same or higher path like me.
2. My dream has been building an English school in Kampung Inggris, Kediri. As an English educator, I feel that I have a responsibility to share my knowledge to the community to improve the quality of the English taught there. I am willing to implement up-to-date curriculum and methodology based on applied linguistic principals. I also plan to include a tutor training program that provides English tutors/teachers theoretical and practical skills in teaching English. In that way, I can spread the language concepts in a wider scope since they will go back to their hometown or institution either to pursue higher study, work or teach.
b) 1. Since I have been working at schools, I am used to teach as a teacher with all of its methodologies and approaches. I will find being a lecturer is quite challenging to adapt at the first time. However, I believe with my adequate experience in teaching and organization, I can keep up to follow the pace of the working environment.
2. Building a school along with its facilities such as computer lab and library to support the students' English is tough and requires a great amount of resource. Therefore I am willing to learn and work hard during my study and gradually build what I have been dreaming. I am also aware that people might find it hard to change, but I am positive that through time as they see the result of my methodologies, they will realize that English is taught by using principals that they need to understand, such as second language acquistion and communicative approach.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,721 3789
Danny, as this forum has a one essay per thread policy, I will only be able to offer you advice regarding the topmost posting in your essay thread. Please post each essay that you want reviewed in a dedicated new thread that contains only one essay per thread. If you do not follow the rules, we won't be able to help you because the moderators will delete the excess essays and give you a warning regarding being suspended for not complying with the forum regulations.
Now, as per the topmost essay that you posted, the main problem that I can see is that the essay is too short. Don't you have a minimum word requirement for this essay? You should try to comply with the minimum word requirement at all times. So you have to further expand upon the content. Making sure to illustrate the process by which you will achieve your career plans upon graduation. The essay cannot be this straightforward and simple. You need to identify the process by which you will slowly climb the ladder of success until you reach your desired career position. Whenever possible, explain how being granted this scholarship can help you achieve that ambition of yours. Think about how the masters degree combined with this scholarship will allow you the opportunity to do this and explain how the scholarship can plan an integral part in the overall post study plan.
Hi @Holt, thank you for the feedback.
I apologize since this is my first time using this website so I didn't know the policy.
I remember I followed the requirement of the limit of the characters, 2500 per essay if I'm not mistaken, so that is why it looks short per essay. It was my first time applying for AAS but not my first time applying for scholarship, but I have to admit I had never consulted to a forum like this before that's why I felt confused what to include in my essays.
By the way, I will include your suggestions and will post to this forum again. Thank you for the inputs.