Hi... I need your help to give some inputs on my essay for Australia Award Scholarship (AAS).
I'm not sure if it is convincing enough. So, your feedback would be really helpful. Thanks.
Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?
I propose to study for a master's in International Sustainable Tourism Management. Sustainable tourism is the development concept to make a positive impact on the environment, society, and economy. For me, this program study is important to learn as a source in achieving my future goal. One of my future goals is to develop a tourism organization center in my home town, Bangka Belitung Province, Indonesia. Focusing on tourism and community development. This platform will not only provide the necessary knowledge and competencies access for the development of tourism actors such as tour guides and also the local community. But it will also help the government plan in building Bangka Belitung into a national tourism destination with a sustainable basis in 2025. Ultimately, this platform will build synergy between tourism as economic drivers, government, and stakeholders as a stimulator, and also the local community as the main actor.
I believe that my bachelor's degree in tourism, working experience, and voluntary work has provided me with a deep comprehension of understanding and developing capabilities in fundamental tourism and community development. But, in some aspects, I still need to improve my expertise in the field so that I can give maximum impact to my future goal. After conducting researches, I decided to choose a master of International Sustainable Tourism Management at Monash University. The courses offer various subjects that I would like to learn such as sustainable tourism development and planning and entrepreneurial innovation. With this type of knowledge, I expect myself to be more knowledgeable and skillful in passing information, developing strategies, and effectively managing people for the successful implementation of my work and future projects. The unit program is critical to learn that can be contributed to tourism and social development. Furthermore, this course provides a balance in academic theory and practical skills.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444
You mention, with specificity, a sustainable basis by 2025 for your country's tourism program. Does your country have a publicly announced tourism development program with that target year? If so, then you should mention the program directly in relation to your choice of university. Pick the relevant objectives of the program that Monash University will be able to help you learn about. You have to show that the program of the country, and the training you will receive from the university align in a manner that makes the choice of university obvious.
Your reasons for choosing your course makes sense. It is clear that you want to work in the tourism industry, but in what capacity is not clear. So you need to work on that. Perhaps explain how you will open a sustainable tourism agency in the country? Give a more solid reason for your choice of course. Apply it to the tourism program of your country if you can. That would actually be the reason why your essay will stand out from the other applicants. If your country has a tourism project that your studies will support, then you will have a solid reason for your chosen course and institution.