AAS supporting statement (review needed) - Task 1 choosing my course and institution

Hi,

First of all let me introduce myself, I am Audi and currently applying for Australia Award Scholarship program. The course that I am aiming to get is is Master of Marketing Communication (2 years program with internship) at University of Melbourne. My Academic Background was Biotechnology but my current working experience (since April 2013) have always been in the marketing field.

Task 1: How did you choose your proposed course and institution*? (2000 characters) - mine is 1,381 with spaces.

All inputs and reviews are welcome. Thanks in Advance.

Regards,
Audi

My essay starts below this line

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Although Marketing Communication was not the major I chose for my undergraduate study period but I was lucky enough to get one semester of marketing subject which introduced me to the fundamentals of marketing and that was when my utmost passion for this field rose. I was also blessed with the opportunities to work at various marketing related fields which lead to my current position as Senior Digital Strategic Planner at Redcomm Indonesia, an Indonesian owned digital agency.

Having these experiences have taught me a lot yet I still crave for more knowledge and proper educational background to create a stronger foundation for my working experiences. In addition to that, also to have a global I know, after the reading degree structure I could get the holistic approach I need to propel career advancement and excellence.

Now, Why University of Melbourne? Well simply because of its reputable, inclusive, and renowned school and course, both in Australia and the world as it has also been publicly published by trustworthy publishers, such as THU and QS world universities rankings. Also looking at the international student proportion of the University (especially in postgraduate studies) I know I would have a multicultural experience during my study in the University of Melbourne which will broaden my views when looking into social and/or professional related issues.

Hi Audi, I see your essay is really concise and straight to the point. Maybe you can add one more paragraph which explains the relation of your undergraduate study with Master of Marketing Communication major.

Pls come to my thread!

Audi, consider writing a new response for the required prompt. The response that you should be giving in terms of how you chose your proposed course must be professional in foundation. Masters degree students are expected to have some sort of work experience prior to enrolling in the course. The AAS would better view your application if you can show a direct relation to your current career and the profession based reasons that you opted to study this course. Perhaps the course offers you an opportunity to upgrade your knowledge or can assist you in developing a particular area that you find yourself struggling with in the profession. The last thing that you should be saying is that you never expected to end up in this career. The reviewer will think "So why are you wasting my time with your application?" Stick to the fact that this is your chosen career now, regardless of what your college degree actually is. As for your university choice, don't make it sound like the choice of this university is a no-brainer. The statement that you wrote makes it sound like you did not consider the academic aspect of the university in relation to the chosen course. Always make sure that you reference the academic side and mention as little as possible of the generalized reasons that one would opt to attend this university.