Academic objectives and Computer engineering

Describe your academic objectives and indicate how these are appropriate to your long-range goals.

Please include specifically how a Bachelor's degree from the University of Toronto will contribute to your achieving your longer-range goals. (100 word maximum)

My answer is:

To begin, I'd want to point out that technology advances every year. And, of course, my long-term goal is to invent new types of technology that will benefit our globe and community. In terms of academic goals, I began by striving to cover all of the future-relevant disciplines in my field, and I intend to continue in this direction. Universities like 'U of T' can guide me in achieving this aim. I swear that no matter what happens, I'll attain this aim, or at the very least, I'll improve a technology that will exist in the future.

Please check it!!! It is so urgent.

This is the sort of response that a student, who does not have any definitie career plans will give the reviewer. An answer like this will definitely fall into the reject pile due to its lack of insight and potential as both a student and a professional. The writer is just offering a response for the sake of giving a response. He has not tried to create a connected academic and professional goal that can define his studies. He has not said anything that will convince the reviewer that the university will be able to help him achieve anything. The response is one of the most directionless that I have ever seen this application cycle.

The essay lacks a sense of direction with respect to goals and intent. This makes your application look lackadaisical. Right off the bat you start off by literally pointing out the obvious. There is also no usage of complex sentence structure. There are also some tense issues.

To begin, I'd want to point out that technology advances every year.

Rather use. As technology advances exponentially in the 21st century This creates a sense of cohesion- "As<reason>thus<my action/goals>"

I understand that this is your first draft and probably your first application essay.
I'd suggest you really do some research into a topic of interest and pick out something that piques your interest. Flesh out your intent for the same in bullet points. Research about the various opportunities UoT will offer regarding these goals and write those down too.

Then you can begin by writing all this together properly in a more cohesive manner. I would also suggest that you go through some material regarding formal writing. Essays of Motivation/Intent are often the deciding factor in your application and also serve the purpose of showcasing your formal writing skills.

I wish you al the best in your future applications.

Thaks for your advice!
I did something like you said.

My long-range goal is to start my own business that studies quantum computers' yet-to-find mysteries and advance existing technologies through the power of quantum computers.

My academic objective is to master all necessary skills and disciplines in order to understand, build and use quantum computers.

I believe that the University of Toronto can give me the opportunity to study such technologies more closely and in-depth. Thanks to your quantum technologies labs, your students have such opportunities that only countable number of universities in the world can provide.

Can you check this?

@Somebody3 Hello, I only finished my bachelor's several months ago, so please take my answer with a grain of salt.

As I see it, you only answered the question "what?" It is all good to start a business that will focus on quantum computers. However, the reasoning is not compelling. Try to think "why" you want to start a business. It is difficult for me to come up with reasons since I do not know your situation, but to answer such a question, one has to come up with a specific problem that he wants to solve. Maybe you want to find habitable planets? For this reason, it may be useful to simulate the universe, which, however, will require an abundant amount of computing power. Now, quantum computers shine in this aspect as they can do billions of operations per second. And there you have it: the reason.

Try to think about your long-term goals. Maybe about something that you wish to achieve in 5 years after finishing studying at the university. Then start to go from this goal to the use of quantum computers, then to the quantum tech research lab at the university, which will give you the skills needed to attend your goal.

I understand that it may be difficult for a future undergraduate student. But you can do it. Just try to take a walk and think about what you would like to change in the world and why. It helps me all the time. Good luck!