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Changing world - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?

zozoloi 2 / 5  
Jun 22, 2020   #1

To contribute for developing project management standards

The world is changing rapidly. Climate change, technological revolutions, block-chain, fin-tech, AI, worldwide pandemic and many others are affecting the economy, society and even human behavior of the blue planet and requiring everything to be revolved and changed. In short, there is a demand for countless projects in all sectors. Mongolian government approves numbers of programs for global development and economic well-being. Hundreds of projects are being implemented under the approved program. People hope to believe in the spectacular outcome that is described in the feasibility study, but all these projects being implemented across the country will be useless and unsuccessful if they are not approached in an internationally accepted way, and we simply lack the knowledge and human resource in project management.

I was privileged to work in both public and private projects. I started my career in airport free-zone project at the Khushig Valley International Airport funded by a Japanese loan. The airport was scheduled to be completed in 2016 but we still don't have an operating airport and the project I was working on got cancelled. My second job was in medium-sized mining project organized by international management team with rich experience. The tendency in Mongolia for the projects that are considered successful is to hire expatriates to lead which increases the cost and sometimes fail because the expats might be unfamiliar with harsh business and government environment of Mongolia. According to Project Management Institute, population per one professional project manager is 4.5 thousand in China, 3.3 thousand in Japan, 4.5 thousand in South Korea, 1.1 thousand in Hong Kong, 2.1 thousand in Taiwan and 67.8 thousand in Mongolia. You can see from this comparison how far behind we currently are. I believe that training our own human resources in international standards of project management to lead is the most efficient and appropriate approach and it is my ultimate goal to contribute my career for developing project management standards in my home country.
siwbatkrg 1 / 3  
Jun 22, 2020   #2
Hi, your essay is really comprehensive on your background/motivation, but it doesn't answer the question of why did you choose your course.

I think you should state your chosen course/major for further study and also the university. Alongside that you can explain the benefits of learning in that course and how it can support your future career.

Shorten your background and list your courses and elaborate why do you choose the specific courses for your scholarship.
ranuarga 3 / 8  
Jun 23, 2020   #3
this is a strong statement of a background and condition description.
The thing is:
1. You put too many data that make this writing seems like a short research, you should put more personal touch to this essay
2. You did not answer the question. you should explain at least briefly about your preferred course and the university and explain the reason why you choose it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Jun 23, 2020   #4
It appears to me that you are choosing to study in Australia based on the professional needs of your country and, your lack of ability to fulfill these higher working professional need. You should be responding to the questions accordingly. Think about what course you have decided to take and the university. How does it apply to the needs of your profession? What is your current professional duty? How does this duty relate to the course? What professional skills and requirements will you be learning about in the course? How does it reflect upon your skills improvement? After considering your responses to those questions, think about why you chose a particular university.

You cannot apply for this scholarship if you do not have at least one university choice and once course choice to present to the reviewer. I do not get a sense of that in your presentation. Mostly because you presented a personal statement, without considering the prompt discussion requirements. There were only 2 questions you needed to respond to. You failed to do that.

Do not try to use any part of this current essay. Delete it from your system. It cannot be used to respond to any of the AAS statement questions. It is useless to your application. Just present a 2 paragraph presentation in response to the question. That means, one paragraph for the course choice, one paragraph for the university choice or a combined response for both questions in one paragraph. Just don't go beyond 2000 characters.
OP zozoloi 2 / 5  
Jun 23, 2020   #5
very helpful and straight forward comment. Thank you
elpsy 1 / 2  
Jun 23, 2020   #6
I think you can answer this essay on another question. If every statement of each question were incorporated, it would be a motivation letter that answers the purpose of investment of the scholarship. I mean, just focus to each question, don't try too much to connect the background of the scholarship. Your all 'focus' statement of each question would answer the background of the sholarship implicitly/indirectly

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