Hello everyone,
I am currently applying for a Chevening scholarship applicant. I would really be grateful if you guys can help reading and giving me some feedbacks on my essay for the application. Here are the question and my essay. This essay is a bit too long, but I'm not sure which part I should delete. Hopefully, I would get some advice on this one.
Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.
*Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form (minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)
Being born and raised in Cambodia, a developing country which has just recovered from a genocide war and is struggling with political and economic instability ,makes me one of the youths who are thriving for betterment in this motherland. Historically, human resources dropped to zero in 1979; however, this country is gradually getting up to be one of its own nation.
Education is what I have always believe to be the core of one's nation development since school years. This perception is still lying upon me through until now as I doing what I am passionated about " An Educator" . After 2 years of working in a professional career as a teacher, I am, however which, satisfying but not enough for my contribution to this precious motherland. I am hoping to broaden my career, contribution, communication and knowledge through further education, especially in England, the country of historical, traditional, and original of English language which is the main language for exploring knowledge and communication around the world.
Pursuing my Master Degree in related courses of Development and Education, Education( Psychology) , and Educational Assessment will enable me to reach my desirable goal as the following reasons.
Inspired by educational psychologists such as Jean Piaget, Erik Erikson, and Lev Vygotsky during academic life, I have been so interested in Foundation of Education, especially on how social, and genetic impacts Chid's cognitive and educational development. Those theories and proven research evidences helped to realize that there are so much more beyond education acquisition and the needs for teachers to understand and think about as an educationist. Seeing importance of education, I have conducted a 6 months research on " Cambodian students awareness on ASEAN Integration" which has now become an important resource for the younger generation who wish to develop a further study on upcoming ASEAN Integration in 2017. This publication was one of my first passionate achievement I left for younger generation after college. This contribution may make only a small impact, however, I was so grateful that I could leave something important for my school and the junior students. This sounding academic experience would at least guide me to some extend of the courses I am applying for my further education.
Life after graduate has been so blessing for the pass two years as an English Language teacher. There are so much more to explore and learn from people around me such as friend, family, co workers, managers, and students. Even though education in Cambodia is limited comparing to other countries, there has been progress comparing to the previous years.For the past 2 years, I have been teaching students of different group ranging from children to adult. This provide me an idea in discovering a better way I will be able to learn from Educational institution in England to make a suitable distribution of language learning in the classroom effectively. Different learners required different learning styles and needs as, especially the students who are not native to English language. As a bilingual speaker, I would broaden my knowledge through Development and Education course as an English teacher due to the advantages of understanding of the struggle language learners have, especially as ASEAN integration will use English a core language for professional and personal communication with the region and as with the world. Beside, to ensure a better quality in education, assessment in educational institute is in need. Testing and assessing student has been following to CEFR ( Common European Framework Reference of Language) Which is limited to the culture of foreign language learner. Culturally, there are some weaknesses through assessment in education in Cambodia. I believe that being able to further my education in the field would allow me to officially involve in testing and evaluating in education sector.
Through my academic and professional perspective ground, I hope, not much yet the least I can to do, to be one of an educationist and researcher in this motherland of Cambodia which has been suffering from genocide war and poverty. My goal is be able to find and influence the people who share the same interest of mine and continue to contribute to the needs for education sector in Cambodia, and brought about the prosperous value from England and strengthened the diplomatic communication between the two countries.
Sothearak, you mistakenly indicated your statement of purpose in this essay. The content of the essay only mentions the 3 masters degree courses that you want to study,but does not indicated where you plan to study it, and why. All you talk about in this essay is the purpose of your advanced study along with some highly informative, but totally irrelevant research information. Therefore, what you wrote is a statement of purpose and not a "3 courses" essay explanation. You cannot use this. You will have to delete it and write a more proper statement that responds to the prompt in the correct manner.
In order to develop this essay, you need to examine the list of schools, courses, and after graduation plans that you have for yourself. With regards to the choice of school, base that upon the interest that you have for masters studies in that school. If you can successfully explain why you chose that school, by presenting reasons based upon the course curriculum of your chosen masters class, then you will have properly responded to the prompt. You already know what courses you want to study for your potential masters degree course. Just discuss those in greater detail with the accompanying university of your choice for each course.
For the conclusion, you can rehash the reason that you have in your final paragraph. However, you will need to edit it in order to make it more relevant to the prompt. I believe that your plans for the future are covered by this statement: "to be one of an educationist and researcher in this motherland of Cambodia. My goal is be able to find and influence the people who share the same interest of mine and continue to contribute to the needs for education sector in Cambodia, and brought about the prosperous value from England and strengthened the diplomatic communication between the two countries."
Dylan, reading through your essay, I have a question, did you take into account that you have word count restriction.
Maximum word count is 500 words, anyway, your essay is written like you are telling a story and you did what you want your essay to be, gradual flow of ideas and it has a very smooth transition.
However, going back to the prompt, it's asking for a detailed description of the universities that you have chosen in line with your academic goals and this information
is not on the prompt, you have not answered the prompt.
I suggest a few things, first, to review and do a healthy comparison on the essays of the other students here on EF, safe to say, do a little bit of research.
Next, make up an idea where you will be able to expand your thoughts in regards to the chosen universities where you aim to pursue your studies.
Lastly, exercise the same smooth flow of the essay you have right now, I'm not saying that you have to do an overall essay, just make sure that on your revised one you will be able to highlight what is asked of the prompt.
I hope to see the revised essay posted here on EF so we can assist you further.
