The contribution of your study to your future career

Hi,
I'm trying to answer this question from my Scholarship application.
Actually, I'm still not clear with my answer and I require further opinion from reviewer here.
Here's my answer.

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my career's zenith

My study in MIS of Health certainly will become a big leap to my career's zenith to sit in Top Management of the Ministry of Health (MoH) especially who runs IT business. Generally, the improvement can be divided into two categories, technical and managerial skills.

On technical side, I will obtain more knowledge of how successful IS can be developed including good programming technique, data processing, until infrastructure arrangement. The courses that I will take clearly indicate this situation. For example, Database Systems & Information Modeling offered by the Unimelb intends the candidates able to relate Database to various fields such as Warehouse and Health Informatics. As a result, it can support me to sit on strategic positions (e.g. Chief of Software Development) in the MoH which require strong capability of technical knowledge.

One of the biggest challenges of IS implementation is managing the system to meet the organization purposes. By combining my previous study with my Master Program, I am sure I will able to understanding more about how to run IT Management in big organizations like MoH. Also, I believe my study will support me to be a person who is involved in policy and regulations making in which requires creative innovation to meet current situation in the field. Some of courses offered by both universities are comprised with a Group Discussion which I believe will increase my brainstorming skills of critical issues in ICT and its relation to Health Management.

@bagusetyawan

Hey @bagusetyawan,

I'm not sure your writing prompt, so I'll just help you grammatically. Your essay flows well.

... able to understanding more about ...

... person who is involved in policy and regulations making in making policies and regulations, of which requires (...) meet current situation[al] needs in the field.

Some of the courses offered ...

Hope this helps!

Bagu, can you provide the complete prompt statement so that I can have a better idea of the required elements of the essay? I want to make sure that you are properly reflecting the response requirements and that there is a clear understanding of the target discussion of the provided instructions. In the meantime, let me analyze this essay for you.

Depending upon the prompt instructions, I believe that you do not need to provide such a separated discussion pertaining to the contribution of your studies to your future career. This seems like a discussion that can be merged into one simple discussion, that of how the studies you will have shall help you achieve a managerial position in the government agency. Whether or not you have to discuss the promotion hierarchy in your office is another matter.

Right now, the essay provides a related response, but needs to be compressed into a more relevant discussion, depending upon the full instructions of the scholarship program. I hope you can provide the full prompt soon so we can get started on the proper editing of your paper.