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Education in Biology - to achieve scholarship in DGIST



abdurraffidaffa7 1 / -  
Feb 1, 2025   #1
My reason for continuing my education in Biology is based on my aspiration to contribute to helping and educating the Indonesian people about the dangers of chronic diseases. Because, according to the WHO Global TB Report 2022, Indonesia is ranked second as the country with the highest number of TB cases in the world. DGIST can be my stepping stone to deepen my knowledge of biology and achieve my goals. I chose to take an advanced major in Life Science is also based on my experiences during my school days. One of my academic achievements was winning a bronze medal in a biology competition attended by around 1000 representatives from all schools in Indonesia.
My desire to continue my studies at DGIST is because the curriculum of DGIST uses a convergence education to develop students' skills before attending real college learning. Also, DGIST has strategic focus areas, and one of them is new biology which is very in line with my interests. I hope it can facilitate me to become a researcher and scientist in the focused fields of microbiology, genetics, and biochemistry. Furthermore, have qualified practical skills to innovate and create new biological products that can help humans, especially research that leads to diseases that are "hot" to be solved. The research of biomedical technology DGIST has been doing is unique and helpful for example, studies on disease-related mechanisms and the development of both molecular and non-molecular diagnostic markers, including drug susceptibility.
My consideration to continue my overseas study in South Korea is because it is a developed country in the field of technology and science and supports some cutting-edge research in the field of Biology. On the other hand, studying at DGIST was also a groundbreaking decision for me as it was my first time abroad, and settled down to study. However, this did not dampen my enthusiasm to continue my studies at DGIST and I hope to gain knowledge and apply it in the future. Some things like homesickness I am sure I will adapt quickly because I have been used to it since junior high school. I am also very interested in learning Korean with its hangul alphabet which is very different from Latin and its grammatical beauty and pronunciation.

During high school, I actively participated in intra-school activities, for example, joining the intra-school organization and serving as treasurer and core administration team. I was also appointed to run the extracurricular youth scientific work from grade 10 to grade 11.
Whereas I served as the head of the treasury and core administration team, I had the job of managing the organization's finances and innovations for the financial turnover, and I often managed the writing of several letters and invitations. I faced some problems when I was the chief treasurer when I was pressed by two circumstances, namely with my duties as treasurer and the core administration team. At that time, I was asked to complete a financial report and also make several letters of request and invitations a little overwhelming with these circumstances, after thinking calmly I decided to complete the tasks one by one with the help of my deputy. At first, my deputy did not understand how to do these administrative tasks, but then I taught him how to complete tasks related to administration. Finally, both tasks were completed on time and accepted by the organization's supervisor. I think participating in extracurricular activities such as student council helped me to develop soft skills such as leadership, teamwork, and problem-solving.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15921  
Feb 2, 2025   #2
The response that has been written is lacking in focus and clarity. While there is information here that could be helpful towards the application, the way it is presented leaves the reviewer with questions that need to be addressed within the information presentation. The essay in its current form does not work for a scholarship application. It must be rewritten in a manner that best suits the requirements and objectives of the application. An experienced scholarship application writer will be able to use the information provided here to provide a more direct application essay / personal statement for you. It is difficult to instruct you regarding how to rewrite this due to the obvious lack fo English writing abilities on your part.
clauana 4 / 11  
Feb 12, 2025   #3
Hii Daffa, avoid the repetition of words; I lost track of how many times you wrote DGIST, my, and research. The paragraphs lack focus and logical structure, making it difficult to understand all the information you want to convey. Try to take your foundations and apply rewriting them in a logical way to respond to the exact prompt of your essay; don't stray off topic too much and focus on explaining one thing per paragraph, it should make your essay more clear.
Eleana 2 / 4  
Feb 15, 2025   #4
When I first read your essay, the first opinion that came to my mind was that it wasn't very engaging, as it repeatedly followed the same format "My ...... is..... because...." I highly recommend you adding more variety to capture readers' attention. It would be much better if you could create a strong first impression with your opening sentence. Additionally, you listed all your achievements without explaining your personal growth or what you learned from those experiences. REMEMBER, you should write an ESSAY, not a CV!!! This is ONE OF THE MOST COMMON reasons why people fail to get accepted into their dream university. Make sure your essay has a good flow as you explain your growth in a storytelling manner. Hope this helps you :)
Vault 1 / 2  
Feb 22, 2025   #5
Your study plan is strong, but it could benefit from improved flow, clarity, and conciseness.


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