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Scholarship   Posts: 7

Efforts to obtain information on your study options / selection of proposed course and institutions


adhesti 3 / 10  
Apr 28, 2016   #1
Please describe the efforts you have undertaken so far to obtain information on your study options in Australia
In recent months, I looked for information about my study plan through the Internet. I also contacted some colleagues who have became awardees and consulted with them. I compared several universities that offer similar programs. I happened to have two friends who also graduated from the university that I am interested in, so I could dig the information deeper about the situation of the lecture. I seek to know about the assessments, the tasks, and also lecturers' profile. Furthermore, I also did a comparison with another universities with majors alike. I seek to know the advantages and disadvantages of each department at the university.

I also searched information about the city where the university is located. The environment, cost of living, accommodation availability, schools for children, jobs available, and so forth.

I also discussed my study plan with my manager. He gave me a very significant input about the company's problem. He suggested some relevant majors so that i can directly apply it in our company.

How did you choose your proposed course and institutions?
ABC is a subdiary of the biggest Indonesian State-Owned Enterprise. ABC is engaged in managing the upstream oil and gas production through a more manageable exploration and exploitation activities. As a State-Owned Enterprise, ABC make an audited annual report. As a Cooperation Contract Contractors/ Kontraktor Kontrak Kerjasama/ KKKS), ABC make a Frequently Quarterly Report (FQR) as a financial accountability to Indonesian Government. Those end-to-end financial process supported by SAP ERP system application.

Both statements had an impact to the recording of transactions in the company. Annual report refers to GAAP. FQR refers to PSC Accounting. But the problem is, the recording system in SAP is designed based on GAAP. It makes the information becomes irrelevant if it is used for FQR report purposes. Many adjustment journals are needed to convert the existing data. And as a result, the obtained data is not real-time, and prone to human error.

Referring to the above, I want to strengthen my capability not only in accounting but also in the field of business information systems in order to provide the required financial statements of the company. This is in line with my previous Bachelor Degree background. Based on the research, I figured out University of New South Wales provides the Master of Accounting and Business Information Systems. It consists of some comprehensive Accounting courses. In addition, it also provides Enterprise System courses that will highlight the SAP ERP system in a company. The other added value subject is the International Corporate Governance which aims to provide students with a practical and in-depth understanding of the way corporations are monitored, governed and controlled.

no more than 1-2 essays max. please

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 790 309  
Apr 28, 2016   #2
Hi Adhesti, welcome to EssayForum :) I think if it is really urgent, you can put your essay on the 'urgent' list. This is because, members and contributors are limited. By putting your essay on 'urgent' section, it can be guaranteed that your essay will receive at least one professional feedback in a short time. Now, I would like to give my best insights on the first two prompts written.

Please describe the efforts you have undertaken so far to obtain information on your study options in Australia
- In recent months, I have looked for information...
- I have also contacted and consulted some colleagues who have becamebecomeawardeesalumni of this programand consulted with them
- with anotherother universities

Actually, I also find many similar mistakes regarding to unclear use of time signal, which makes your grammar somehow inaccurate. Remember, after you write 'recent', that means you are going to use either present continuous or present perfect. If, for example, you want to shift your tenses, give a CLEAR time signal, which indicates that 'sentence' is in a past condition. Such as, a couple days ago, two weeks earlier, or some other 'past' time signals.

How did you choose your proposed course and institutions?
I think in this part your essay is quite convincing. Yet, there is one thing that distracts my attention. What is ABC? a company or what? what is the exact name of it? I google 'ABC' and only found American Broadcasting Company. You need to be clear in explaining such a local term/company which only well-known in your own country. Remember, clarity is the king!

Overall, these two prompts only need several revisions before you send it. However, for the other prompts, I hope other members are able to help you in a short time, since you didn't put it as an urgent essay, which will take quite a long time, perhaps several days. Good Luck :)
justivy03 - / 2,420 607  
Apr 28, 2016   #3
Hi Adhesti, again a warm welcome to EF, I do hope that we will be able to serve the purpose of this websites existence and our help is valuable to your practice.

Now, here on EF, we suggest that you post the essays or the writing articles, one topic at a time, this is because it will give us a better focus, better understanding and accurate analysis. Moreover, with this much information, the absorption of the details will not provide you with a strong analysis and guidance.

For now, I will let you choose which ones will go first in this list of essays, make sure to prioritize them in a way that will be very beneficial to you and to your current situation. I will get back to you for additional remarks and hopefully valuable modification.
OP adhesti 3 / 10  
Apr 28, 2016   #4
thank you for the help. i am new in this member so i didn't know the rules here.

ABC is not the name of my company. I was deliberately disguise my company's name.

I will close this thread and I will post it again as an urgent essay.
OP adhesti 3 / 10  
Apr 28, 2016   #5
i'm sorry... is there somebody who can help me how to post the thread in "urgent" list? I searched everywhere but I couldn't find it.

thank you.

Click on the Urgent It! button in the top-right corner : )
OP adhesti 3 / 10  
Apr 28, 2016   #6
Describe the efforts you have undertaken to obtain information on your study options in Australia

Hello guys... please correct my grammar.

Please describe the efforts you have undertaken so far to obtain information on your study options in Australia
I have looked for information about my study plan through the internet. I have also contacted and consulted some colleagues who have become alumni of this program. I dig the information deeper about the situation of the lecture. I seek to know about the assessments, the tasks, and also lecturers' profile. Furthermore, I compared several universities that offer similar programs. I seek to know the advantages and disadvantages of each department at the university. I also searched information about the city where the university is located, its environment, living cost, accommodation, schools for children, jobs available, and so forth. I also discussed my study plan with my manager at the office. He gave me a very significant input about the company's problem. He suggested some relevant majors so that i can directly apply it in our company after my graduation.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 790 309  
Apr 30, 2016   #7
Adhesti, I think that your grammatical accuracy is already good. Yet, unfortunately the first, second, or even third sentences were not quite interesting enough to be presented. You need to have a catchy introduction in order to impress the examiner of the scholarship and make them encouraged to read more. Let me try to give you some examples about it.

- Recently, I have looked for information about Australia postgraduate courses on several trustworthy website links on the Internet.my study plan through the internet.
- I dig the information deeper about the situation of the lecture.The information that I got from the lecture a couple of weeks ago has encouraged me to dig it deeper.

- I seek to know about the assessments, the tasks, and also lecturers' profile.It includes the valuable information about the course modules, entry requirements, and also some professors' background profiles.

As you can see, you accidentally created many repetitive patterns starting with 'I' in almost all sentences. I hope my alternative sentences above will help you :)


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