I need your help with my essay. What can I improve or what points I need to add to make it more persuasive?
Thanks in advance,
Please describe the efforts you have undertaken so far to obtain information on your study options in Australia?
I am enthusiastic when I hear information about AAS and always wanted to apply for this scholarship. For several years, I have learned about this AAS information from several awardee friends and from the internet. After being loaded by work duties, I could eventually manage my time to fill out this application form and made up my mind to start thinking of pursuing my master's degree in Australia.
The Website of AAS is very helpful as well, I knew all the information about AAS, and I have some colleagues that were awarded AAS before and through them about how to apply for an AAS scholarship and experience while studying in Australia.
In early 2021 with the start of the new normal era due to the pandemic affecting all countries in the world, I was enlightened by the understanding that I should be a better person by contributing to this difficult time, one of which is in the field of economic recovery. Because of my background and experience in the field of business development in the airline industry, one that has a very high impact due to pandemic. I did an explore on the AAS Website and MBA program brochures from Melbourne University that related to the courses that I am interested in and connect them to my future goals for my career, be the pride and honor of being a university alumnus in Australia through the AAS scholarship and also contribute to my country.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,174 3639
ONE QUESTION PER THREAD. ADMIN SHALL DELETE THE OTHER QUESTIONS SHORTLY.
Do not confuse the presentation with unnecessary information about the pandemic and your thoughts on learning. Focus only the requirement which is, what legwork you did to fully consider your options before you decided to study in Australia, the AAS should not be included in the discussion. However, a discussion of the masters degree educational system of Australia, as the basis of your choice of country for study, is required. Do not focus solely on AAS, The question is focused on Australia as an educational destination. Why Australia? What set Australian universities apart from the universities in your country that also offer masters courses? Where did you get your information aside from the website for AAS? How were you influenced to choose Australia by the previous students who studied there? How did you come across Australia as a student destination on the internet? These are questions that should be the focal point of your response, but are missing in the overall presentation.