Describe, in less than 300 words, a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you. You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you:
For fifteen years, I have been living in my comfort zone and pampered by my parents. I used to be a self-centered and lazy person that relies on others to get things done. I can still recount the times I shed tears for I had disappointed my teachers, teammates as well as myself for screwing up in the National Chinese Orchestra Competition in 2006 mainly due to my incompetence and lazy attitude. I was haunted by disgrace and humiliation as I had put all my teammate's effort to waste. I took all the blames that were pointed at me. After this incident, I realised that life is not easy, there's a price for everything. I swore to work harder and do my best in tasks I have taken up, taking every day as a challenge. I also learned how to work as a team.
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. The incident helped me realized that success can only be obtained through hard work and sheer determination. Two years after that incident, I was destined to return to the competition, that year we were given another chance to perform on the same stage with the same team. That year our school emerged as the national champion, all because of our hard work. Other than excelling in co-curricular activities, I also studied hard in order to become a well rounded student. When I was studying form 6, I wasn't the brightest student in the class, I took much more time than others in understanding any concept and academic lessons. I had to attend tuition classes at night in order to catch up with my studies. All my effort was worthwhile as I excelled in my STPM exam and scored straight A's.
I can still recount the times I shed tears for di sappointing my teachers, teammates as well as myself for screwing up in the National Chinese Orchestra Competition in 2006 because of my incompetence and lazy attitude.
this makes it flow better
Your use of "screwing up" makes this sentence seem brilliant:
I can still recount the times I shed tears for I had disappointed my teachers, teammates as well as myself for screwing up in the National Chinese Orchestra Competition in 2006.
I want to take away this part, because it takes away some of the power of the sentence:
mainly due to my incompetence and lazy attitude.
It is not necessary to be so hard on yourself. :-)
use a comma:
I was haunted by disgrace and humiliation, as I had put all my teammate's effort to waste.
I swore I would to work harder and do my best in tasks I have taken up, taking every day as a challenge. I also learned how to work as a member o f a team.
this is a great piece of writing, very compelling.
Your essay is interesting and well written! I just found a few things;
For fifteen years, I had been living in my comfort zone and pampered by my parents.
I used to be a self-centered and lazy person that relied on others to get things done.
I think that after this sentence, (above) you should write a transition sentence, leading to the next subject. Something like, .."then, something happened that would change my way of thinking".
I can still recall the tears I shed, for I had disappointed my teachers, teammates, as well as myself for screwing up in the National...
I was haunted by disgrace and humiliation as I had put all my teammate's efforts to waste.
I took all the blame that was pointed at me.
After this incident, I realized that life is not easy, there's...
I also learned how to work as part of a team.
That incident helped me realize that success can only be obtained through hard work and sheer determination.
Two years after that incident, I was destined to return to the competition. That year we were given another chance...
