A gift which changed my everyday life: the laptop; Chevening - your chosen three university courses

Hello!!! please advice me on this, I am not a good writer but any suggestion will be helpful. Thank you

Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.

*Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form (minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)

In 2008, my uncle came home for a visit, and left to my dad a gift which changed my everyday life: a laptop. Every day, I had to teach my dad what I had learned. Since then, my interest in computer science has grown up, leading me to choose computer science.

Given the aforementioned, I have selected three programs that are in the same line of work and will give me the knowledge, understanding and practical insight required to advance in my career as a computer science Engineer.

Firstly, I choose computer networks and communications in University of Westminster and secondly, Telecommunications Engineering in University of Sunderland for the same reasons. As a network engineer in an Internet Service Provider Company, the passion of knowing how the entire world is interconnected grows day after day. That thirstiness has got me to pass two Cisco certifications (CCNA R&S and CCNA Security). Cisco Systems is the worldwide leader in networking for the Internet. Now, I am attending the classes at a professional level. Pursuing that course will lead to the growth of my knowledge and understanding of how to design, manage and secure computer networks. These are of great interest for my professional development, given the fact that Rwanda is one of the top countries in Africa with first speed Internet in government, but Internet use in public and education is still in the last countries. I believe that pursuing one of the programs will help me understanding the dilemma and find solutions to that.

Thirdly, I have chosen Information Systems in University of West London. It is a combination of both my career and my passion, which are technology and business. Therefore, it will equip me with strong knowledge of leadership and management apart from technical prowess, as I have began to practice by being certified by ITIL, which is an IT service management that focuses on aligning IT services with the needs of business.

Coming back in my country with sufficient knowledge and skills in the workplace will be the relevant professionalism we are in lack of. One of the National statistics said that, the Rwanda professionalism rate is 68.7%. That is mainly caused by the capacity building. Most of employees have the needed qualifications although much more is required in the execution of one's responsibilities besides academic qualifications. It will be such a great pleasure to be among those with professionalism and to encourage the future generation as I have started with students who are in an academic internship at the company I am working in. Furthermore, With a UK master degree, which is well recognized and reputed in the entire world, I will get a better qualification and expand my career opportunity.

I am a hard working and determined person, ready for a new leap in my Computer Science career. I will work hard in hope that the quantity of the effort I put in will result in high quality knowledge.

Marie, I believe that your opening paragraph is weak. The weakness lies in the fact that you are relying on an almost childhood memory to establish an interest in computers. What you need to establish at this point, is your professional experience in relation to your chosen masters degree studies. Therefore, you should discuss your work description and how that led you to realize that you need to gain higher education in order to remain relevant in the field.

Please do not discuss the two universities in the same paragraph. It is important to remember that although the same course is offered, there are still some programs that set the two university offerings apart. Find that difference and develop individual paragraphs describing each university choice based upon the difference. If you have 2 options with the same description, then it cannot really be considered separate options.

Your last paragraph is unnecessary in the completion of the essay. You can prove that statement in the leadership and influencing role or post study career essay. It is not applicable to this discussion. You should only discuss your university choices here.

Thank you so much for your help. I am going to make some changes and post it. can you tell me about the grammar?? how you find it?

The language you use sometimes gets confusing for the reader. I know that it is because you are not very familiar with using the English language so I will not ding you on that note. However, it would be in your best interest to do a grammar check and clean up as you revise the essay. The more polished you can make the paragraphs the better understood your message will be on the other end. Right now, I don't want you to concentrate on the grammar problems. Focusing on that instead of the content of the essay will only lead to an even weaker paper. You should first make sure that the essay contains all of the information you want to relay. Once that is done, you can focus on the other aspects of the essay that need to be worked on.

@Holt

hello Mary, can you please look on the changes I made? Thank you.

Given the aforementioned, I have selected three programs that will give me the knowledge, understanding and practical insight required to advance in my career as a computer science Engineer. I also intend to perform an internship while in the UK, which can help me improve upon my academic skills.

My first choice is studying computer networks and communications in University of Westminster. As a network engineer in an Internet Service Provider Company, Security, communication and cloud technologies are our main focus. The passion of knowing how the entire world is interconnected grows day after day. That thirstiness has got me to pass two Cisco certifications (CCNA R&S and CCNA Security). Cisco Systems is the worldwide leader in networking for the Internet. Now, I am attending the classes at a professional level. Pursuing that course will lead to the growth of my knowledge and understanding of how to design, manage and secure networks. In addition, the program has a module on fiber optical communication system. I participated in the fiber transmission project where we had to distribute internet in thousand miles away, in upcountry region. We deployed fiber transmission equipment from Tejas Networks in different Point of Presence.

My second choice is studying Telecommunications Engineering in University of Sunderland. It's almost in the same line of work as my previous work, but the program also emphasis in wireless communication. Almost 80% of my current job provides Internet Protocol services through wireless. The wireless is a rapidly expanding industry. In addition, pursuing this program will allow me to interact with international telecommunication industries whereby students carry out a research on quality and quantity of their services approaches.

Thirdly, I have chosen Information Systems in University of West London. It is a combination of both my career and my passion, which are technology and business. Therefore, it will equip me with strong knowledge of leadership and management apart from technical prowess, adding more values to my ITIL certification, which is an IT service management that focuses on aligning IT services with the needs of business.

These three options are of great interest for my professional development, given the fact that Rwanda is one of the top countries in Africa with first speed Internet in government, but Internet use in public and education is still in the last countries. I believe that pursuing one of the programs will help me find solutions to that dilemma. Furthermore, coming back in my country with sufficient knowledge and skills in the workplace will be the relevant professionalism we are in lack of.

With a UK master degree, which is well recognized and reputed world widely, my academic standards will be high and enable me expand my career opportunities.

Thank you again, and sorry for the late post.

Marie, your chosen courses and the reasons why you chose to study them are relevant when it comes to your career progression. It offers the reviewer a clear idea as to what your future career paths may be and also allows them to better understand the reasons behind your interest in your chosen college major. So you have developed a pretty solid argument in support of your choices. However, you have not qualified how the UK has supported the telecommunication development program in your country. I am positive that the UK has done their best to assist your government in alleviating these concerns in particular for the citizens of Rwanda. Therefore, as the prompt instructs, you must find that relationship, present an example of the project, and indicate that the project is one of the reasons that you wish to study in the UK. More specifically, that you wish to work with this particular company or in this particular field upon your return so that you can help foster UK-Rwanda relations in your mother country.

@Holt

Thank you so much for your assistant, it has really helped me. I'll surely add that point.
Be blessed