Hello, I am a GKS-G 2022 applicant and I would really appreciate some feedback on my personal statement.
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Educational background
- Significant experiences you have had; persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc
Personal Statement
I am the third of seven children in the amazing constellation that is the XXX family. My parents immigrated to the U.S. about 30 years ago. They abandoned their lifestyle in beautiful Mexico; a lifestyle that assured them their family, culture, and comfort. They were able to leave all of that behind so that they could give their children a fighting chance for a greater future. Throughout the years, I have witnessed all the sacrifices and ailments that they have had to endure. Both worked multiple demanding jobs to make sure that our basic necessities were met. Of course, there were times that just "getting by" was not enough and they were faced with intimidating circumstances. I have seen my parents long for their families at times when they wished they were reunited. I have seen them experience the worst in people and their prejudice. Regardless of the mental, physical, and emotional taxation, I have never seen or heard them give up on their motivation and their reason for continuing. On the contrary, they have only inspired me to follow a path that is mine.
My parents instilled in me the desire to strive for a better and more genuine future, so I decided that I wanted to further my education. Throughout high school and undergraduate, I was set on the fact that psychology was what I wanted to pursue. Although I was determined to continue, I was also faced with many doubts and fears. Many of those fears and doubts were rooted in the uncertainty of how I could get to where I aspired to be, whether that was how to apply to an undergraduate program or how I was going to afford expensive American education, I was insecure. While others may have their parents or siblings to confidently confide in and ask advice to, my journey so far has been comparatively lonely. Regardless of the struggles that I faced as a first-generation student, I recently managed to graduate with a bachelor's in psychology as not only the first generation but also the very first one in my family to accomplish this milestone.
Along with my degree, I gained so much knowledge that allowed me to actively participate in a wonderful organization called XXX. XXX helps children with Autism and their families. The children would be evaluated by our BCBAs (board-certified behavior analysts) and they would articulate specific plans of action on how to improve the children's communication, motor, social, and developmental skills, as well as target their individual negative behaviors. These plans of action would then be passed down to behavior therapists to apply during their therapy sessions to their assigned. During my time there, I was able to start training and quickly transition to leading my own therapy sessions. I worked with many great children and was able to create beneficial environments and trusting bonds. Although most of my time there was positive, there were some instances that were not so positive, but on the contrary, fairly scary. Along with the amazing memories I have with the children, I, like many others, have experienced the unpredictability of some children with Autism. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every second I experienced at XXX. I gained much more knowledge about people with Autism, and I left every day after work feeling satisfied and proud of the contributions I made in the growth of the children. Moreover, I learned more of myself along the way. Unfortunately, my time there was cut shorter than I would have preferred. Due to some family issues regarding my grandmother, I had to let go of that position prematurely.
After XXX, I entered a new, but familiar field. Considering that my grandmother had come to live with us, I became her caregiver. I was able to become recruited by XXX home healthcare and tend to my grandmother's needs and spend time with her. I was very appreciative of this moment as it was another opportunity for me to learn about my capabilities. I was able to improve on patience, empathy, and learn more about the elderly population.
Since my graduation from my undergraduate degree, I have been wanting to continue into a graduate program and I miraculously found the Global Korea Scholarship (GKS). Even before stumbling upon GKS recently, I had been exposed to Korean culture. Throughout my high school career, I continued to meet South Korean individuals everywhere I went, which was an unusual occurrence to the area I reside in. I was able to form bonds with many of them and they shared their culture with me. Consequently, I developed a curiosity and a deep admiration the more I learned about South Korea. This, in turn, developed my goal of wanting to visit South Korea at least once in my lifetime.
At the time I found GKS, I was aware that this was an opportunity I should take advantage of. From my parent's story to the desire of wanting to reach higher in my education, so many things have led me and motivated me to apply to GKS. My parent's journey and the underlying message that they have communicated to me have influenced me to be unafraid and determined. My work experience has allowed me to see my strengths and weaknesses and that alone has motivated me to become a better person and support in the field I will go into. My struggles have been enough to motivate me to surpass my own limitations and become a person my siblings and others like me can look up to. Being able to receive the Global Korea Scholarship would mean that I could continue my education without the burden of financial instability. The Global Korea Scholarship would allow me to reach my goals.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Please be reminded of the topics for discussion as required by the review committee members. The list of topics to thoroughly discuss within 2 pages are outlined prior to the start of the draft. While this personal statement is truly personal in presentation, the writer has not provided the correct responses to at least 3 of the prompt requirements. There is a hyperfocus on the family background and the relationship with its members, information that is not a part of the prompt listing and should therefore be mentioned as briefly as possible or not at all. The educational background and accomplishments are non-existent in this presentation. The professional motivating factors, a must for the experience section are nowhere to to be found and instead, the applicant refers to high school memories and experiences. Thus, this essay will ensure the disqualification of the candidate from the scholarship consideration.
Focus less on "Significant experiences you have had; persons or events that have had a significant influence on you". Balance this out with the other requirements. Right now, the essay is 100 percent focused only on the significant personal experiences and influences. All of the prompts must be equally responded to. This is not a selective prompt response set up.
