i keep thinking this essay is lacking and just generally inadequate. any comment, criticism, suggestion is welcome. pls help me improve my essay
and was able to properly include the following:
-motivations with which you apply for this program
-family and education background
-significant experiences you have had;risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
-extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service or work experiences
-if applicable, describe awards you have rececived, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired etc
personal statement for the gks program
For the longest time, being an animator seemed like a distant dream to me. There aren't any schools that teach animation in my country and very little people considers it a valid job. The only way for me to get a degree is to earn it abroad, which, without a scholarship is too expensive for my family so I never really thought there was a chance for me. However, when I discovered this scholarship program and found that some of the schools offered majors in animation, for the first time it felt less like a dream and more like an achievable goal. I just know I can't let this opportunity slip away. That is why I am applying to Dongseo University to study visual animation as an undergraduate.
I remember when I was in middle school I saw a classmate of mine reading a comic in her phone during class. I only noticed this at the time because I couldn't help but admire the audacity to do something like that while sitting in the front row. After learning about different kinds of comics and reading them for myself, I became inspired enough to work on creating my own comics with my brother. We would create characters, their backstories and relationship with other characters, their interactions and the surrounding environment. Though, we would always become stuck when it came to naming them or planning which direction the plot should go.
Throughout all my middle school and early high school days, I became obsessed with the notion of bringing these ideas of ours to life. I would sketch out the characters and draw mini comics of them interacting. However, simply sketching them was not always satisfying to me. It felt incomplete.
I, like most people when bored, would doodle on my notebook, but after discovering videos of animated stick figures and people making flipbooks, I decided to use the corners of my notebook to make a makeshift flipbook. My books and notebooks were soon filled with drawings of little people walking, waving, talking and even dancing. I would also take pictures of every single one of them and edit them into one video, which was what I had assumed they did in the videos. Making them yourself was nothing like watching the videos and tutorials. Seeing my own work come to life before my very eyes was an overwhelming feeling. I realized very soon that that was what I wanted to create and why my previous drawing always dissatisfied me. But as time went on, I had little time to indulge in my hobbies and my motivation seemed to be dwindling as I had to focus on high school and choosing a college and a major.
I am currently studying at the National University of Mongolia as a Japanese translator because I studied Japanese as a third language at my high school. I started learning English at a very young age and English comes to me very naturally, and I started learning Japanese from eighth grade. I loved learning languages so I thought a translator would be the safest career choice for me.
A career in animation was not something I even considered until very recently. I knew I liked to sketch and knew finding ways to bring them to life was something that brought me joy. However, I didn't consider it as a job. My family consists of my parents, my two little brothers and I. My parents work a small, independent translation company, my eldest younger brother is in middle school and the other is starting elementary school next year. Being the eldest child, I knew I had a responsibility to support my parents and help out as much as I could, to do that I have to have a stable job, and to do that I have to choose something I am good at.
But even then, the idea of becoming an animator was always stuck in the back of my mind. Now that I am finally seeing a chance to fulfill my childhood dream, I realize I didn't want to do something I wouldn't enjoy just because it was the safest option. I wanted to improve, to feel proud of my work, to work hard on doing what I love. I wanted to make someone's day a little brighter by watching my work and have people experience something new. I didn't want to disregard my passion as just a hobby and never improve.
If I get into the GKS program, thus enter this school, I intend to work my hardest to improve as an artist, and to master making digital content by gaining computer expertise and also to learn animation and video editing software as I only ever drew traditionally. I will also build a portfolio I can be proud of to show everything I have learned and to apply that knowledge into practice to the best of my abilities and to gain more experience, and to work with people with the same drive and passion to create something together. I know that despite what people may think animation isn't the easiest job, but I spent way too much of my life hesitating, I am now ready to take on every challenge faced my way and overcome them.
Thank you for reading making the time to read my personal statement, and I hope hear a reply from you soon.@Zulsar
Hello. Welcome to the forum. I am hoping that this feedback becomes helpful for you in your writing endeavors! If it is, do let us know. We certainly love interacting with new people on the platform.
Firstly, the introductory paragraph was great, in my opinion. You were clear in the direction of writing. You were as well clear in your intention in writing. What I would suggest, though, is focusing more on creating a more tailor-fit and structured writing.
The second half of the essay certainly needs to be more tailored. Try to add more structure by cutting down the excessive lengths (for instance, take a look at your last paragraph).
