Please help me restructure this essay if need be.
Highlight what you believe to be the most important issue facing your country today (for example, economic, education, healthcare, social or public policy) and articulate how achieving a Bachelor's degree from the University of X, through Y Scholars Program, will empower you to tackle this issue and related challenges, in your home country.
Corruption and bribes: People especially the poor get hurt when resources are wasted. That's why it is so important to understand the different kinds of corruption to develop smart responses. I shall be empowered to fathom and develop smart devices such as computerized satellite systems and artificial intelligence that would monitor the activities and progress of the government, businessmen and non-governmental organisations.
Negligence: I shall be empowered to create pathways that give youths relevant tools to engage and participate in their governments - identify priorities, problems and finding solutions as Canadian youths does.
Terrorism and Crime: Boko Haram insurgency, Niger Delta militant group, home violence, cybercrimes has posed harms or threat to Nigerians. Insecurity has become the other of the day because government has failed her citizens. I shall be empowered to build intelligence (Robotics) based technology to combat crimes and terrorism in the state.
Environmental and public health issues:-oil spills, littered waste and improperly disposed garbage pose threat to environment and public health of the masses. Using the power of technology to build dynamic and continuous exchanges between key stakeholders, government, citizens, business, civil society groups, media, academia would harness this issue which my degree will offer.
Inadequate infrastructures: I shall invest in institutions and policy - sustainable improvement in how to deliver innovation packed services such as power supply, water resources and public health issues.
Civic pride and Patriotism: Nigeria suffers from a deficit of civic pride and collective responsibility. This lack of civic engagement has real economic consequences. I shall be empowered to offer more opportunities for youths to participate in the government, economy and society- youth empowerment and initiative program.
Unemployment: Unemployment is a hot issue in Nigeria and many people are frustrated with widespread of joblessness. Unemployment is like a disease its cure is not yet discovered. I believe after my degree, I shall build companies that will later grow to become a conglomerate with the aim of increasing employment rate.
Tribalism: Preferential treatment. One of my aims after my degree is to use the power of technology to create a lasting peace and unity amongst Nigerians.
Gender Inequality: Countries that suffer from chronic fragility, conflict and violence resulting from gender inequality- are often the ones that have the fewest internal resources to combat corruption. I shall identify ways to leverage international resources to support and sustain good governance.
Hello Odenigbo, I dont think that enunciating each problem and the possible solution is the best way to appoach the answer of the prompt. try to write an essay that has a structure (oppening-body-clousure). you dont have to address all the problems you identify in you country, focus on the most important (maybe 3) and link them so they look as a whole. I think you have great ideas about how to find the solutions of this problems, just make it more cohesive so readers will be committed to your ideas and wont get lost by the content.
wish you all the best... good luck!
