Illustrate how the programme will contribute to you Home Country Benefit

Please help me review so as to be confident.....

contribute to Tanzania Millennia development

I am currently volunteering to a community service in raising awareness to indigenous on importance of low number cattle, high profit. This is to reduce high numbers of livestock that overgraze, and raise conflicts with protected area authorities due to intrusion. For the purpose of conserving the environment I educate our Maasai people to reduce that number due to increased populations while dispersal areas are no longer available. My educational aspirations consist of acquiring a postgraduate degree in environmental partnership management that would assist me in pursuing a conservation career. On the other hand, my career vision is to one day be able Combines knowledge on environmental and social concerns with practical business skills to design of effective partnership agreements through multi-actor engagement, mediation and leadership so as to provide affordable conservation initiatives to marginalized communities in Tanzania. However, I am certain that if I do not complete my postgraduate Programme I could never have the opportunity to achieve my career goals.

My passion has always been conserving wildlife and trying that they sustainably exist with human development. Therefore, I think that pursuing a postgraduate Programme will provide me the opportunity to learn the perspectives, skills and decision-making tools required to design and manage partnerships and to build collaborative capacity to achieve sustainable development and help improve the community's life quality conditions as well as sustaining conservation. After becoming an expert, efficient, diligent and professional, I want to be thorough in an approach to work and conscientious in planning the outputs of real benefits to the developments of the projects and research field.

The CSC can keep track of my involvements by maintaining close contact via email even after the award period. On my part, I shall willingly provide accurate information that will aid in gauging the impact I am making towards development. Likewise, in the occasion that I am employed, the CSC is at liberty to seek information from my employer regarding my contributions that are economically grounded, culturally feasible and realistic in that sector.

Godluck, this is not an essay that you can use for the scholarship application. You did not reflect a developmental goal in Ghana that will be reflected in a proposed project for your undertaking as a masters degree student. Neither do you explain how you plan to implement your vision of a developmental goal contribution to your home country upon your return.

Your method by which you will keep the scholarship informed shows that you are not planning to become a leader in the field but only an ordinary worker because you are referring the committee to contact your employer regarding the developments of your program instead of going out and leading the charge in the implementation of these projects. Thus, this essay will not help you come into consideration for the scholarship grant.

Based upon these observations, there is a need for you to write a new essay that really reflects the missing information. If you are not sure about how to do that, then you can look at the numerous sample essays available at this forum. The most important aspects that you have to reflect are:

1. The developmental goal of your country
2. An explanation as to why you believe your masters degree certification will result in a response to a critical need within the developmental goals.
3. What your plan to contribute to the plan is
4. How you plan to implement this upon your return
5. What the measurement metrics for the success of your program will be.

Using the above outline, you should be able to offer a better and more relevant response to the prompts you were provided for the essay.

@Godluck
I understand your passion for wildlife conservation but for this essay, you need to make a strong impression that will make you look enticing as a good candidate. You want to be an expert, to plan outputs for the developments of your projects and research field but you are telling the CSC to maintain close contact so they can monitor your contributions. I think it should be you who would approach them, not the other way around. And, you may mention also concrete plans you have in mind so that the panel will have an idea of what you really want to do after the program.

@Holt
Thanks very much, in a moment I will submit the corrected preview.....

@Godluck
as for the first paragraph i wish if you could just start with the current state of your country on the conservation programs and the things that needs to be fixed and later on, on your second paragraph you can start with how the program would provide you opportunities to change those problems.

plus most of the sentences are a bit long that i had to constantly go back and read what the main point was. so in my opinion it would be better if you could shorten some of the sentences

hope it helps