My interest in Science that is constantly expanding - interest in science essay

For a science scholarship,
Write an essay (no longer than 1-page maximum) explaining why you are interested in science.

Here's my rough draft:

Science is a subject that is constantly growing. I am the kind of person who is curious. My brain is always growing with knowledge. Since, I was young I have always had an interest in the animals I saw in the woods, or the fish I saw in the lake. I wanted to watch them live and see what they do. Biology is a science that is the study of life. Life itself is an ever-changing thing. New things can be learned every day. New species can form any second. In my brain, new things can be learned and new ideas can be formed. Science has always been and interest to me because of the never ending knowledge.

By being interested in biology as a young girl I have gained more knowledge than a person who just began learning. As a kid, I used to ask my parents to buy all of the science books at book fairs they would have at school. I would want the mini labs that they would demonstrate like digging for dinosaur bones in sand. I looked forward to learning more.

Throughout middle school, I longed to get into high school so I could learn more. The science classes in middle school were too simple for me. They were very slow moving and I just wanted to learn as much as I could. When high school started I got into the biology course as a freshman even though it was a sophomore level class. I waited for that class to come every day because I knew that biology was the branch of science that I enjoyed the most. While other kids were grossed out by the dissections of the squid or the frog I was pre-occupied with all of the new things to learn! For example, I was so excited to learn that the squid has a plastic-like spine. I wasn't the girl who was afraid of touching a dead frog. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was learn.

To me, science is the most important subject. It is always expanding. In science, new things are discovered every day. I am the kind of person who wants to know all of the new things. I am interested in science because it is by far the most exciting thing to learn about.

Your sentence structure needs variation. There is also a lot of redundancy in your sentences. We know science is a subject, that you are a person, and that biology is a subject.


More vivid detail would add to this paragraph. Do you have an anecdote you remember?


Watch out for repetition of words in near-by sentences.The story reveals more about your character than merely describing what you like about science. Making the whole paragraph an anecdote would be stronger than talking about your love of science because it shows the reader, rather than telling them:

"Freshman year I took the sophomore Biology class, looking forward to it every day. While the teacher droned to other students, I ate up the lectures which fed my eager mind. While other students squirmed at the frogs and squids ready for dissection, I dove in, incising and prodding; I marveled at the squid's plastic spine and the frog's maze of arteries. While some merely learned, I experienced.


This paragraph is unneeded. By now, your essay should already have told your reader why science interests you, and this just serves as a cliched ending.

The deadline for this is soon. I sent it in yesterday, I got impatient because no body was replying. I regret sending it in and wish I could have made these changes. But, thanks for your wonderful advice!

hi Holli,
Sorry it took a long time to get a reply.

I read your essay, and it looks like the essay of a brilliant biologist. You are going to contribute very well to your field, I think!

When you write an essay about your intentions, I hope you will share your current ideas about what direction you might go in your chosen field. For example, do not write this:

I am the kind of person who wants to know all of the new things. I am interested in science because it is by far the most exciting thing to learn about.

Instead, write about your specific aspirations. You can just read a few current articles to see what is going on right now in the areas of bio that interest you, and write about what YOU want to do.

:-) thanks for participating! Sorry I'm late!

:-)