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faithhope 1 / -  
Feb 22, 2017   #1

I need experience in business industry

I grew up in a middle class family. My father is a Fiscal Compliance Officer while my mother is a housewife. Life was tough for us. It was not always bliss but we're taught to focus more on the positive things. We've faced setbacks and bumps along the way but my parents had always told us to stand up and treat those obstacles as learning experience. That lesson had helped me get through any failures that I have faced and potential problems that I will encounter in the future. I have learned from my parents the value of hard work. I was taught that through hard work and perseverance, achieving ones goal is possible. Whenever I would ask for something, my parents would let us earn it by having good grades or doing house chores. It may be such simple things but it instilled into us an important learning. My qualities of being a risk-taker and sociable are from my father. Those qualities had help him in entering the buy and sell business as a sideline. I have always been a dreamer. I have always hoped on running a business - a business that I would share with my family as way of giving back to them for lending their wings so I can fly. It may be a restaurant, a salon or even a clothing line. My father has inspired me to not only dream but to be a pursuer of it. And now, I am taking one step into achieving the future I have imagined.

My interest in business has led me to take up Bachelor of Science in Marketing in University of Makati. In my course of choice, it was focused more on the understanding the connection between a business and its consumers. My academic years in University of Makati have been a fulfilling journey. Balancing my studies, social life and extracurricular activities became a challenge for me. I became a member of our university's Marketing Organization and was also accepted as one of the few scholars of P.J Lhuillier Foundation . Through patience and determination, I was able to maintain good grades and be a Dean's lister. In my second year graduation, I was able to receive an award as a student with honors. After years of managing my academic studies and other activities, I was able to graduate on-time and received a bachelor's degree on Marketing.

After graduation, I acquired a work as a Sales Administrative Assistant in a fast-moving consumer goods company. It was learning experience as I was able to see a different perspective of a business process. Currently, I am working as a Marketing Assistant for a retail company. This position has enhanced my knowledge of the field by seeing the step by step process of creating a product to its release on the market. It has been 2 years since I entered this organization. It was a learning experience for me. But for now, I believe that it is time for me to pursue my dream of becoming a businesswoman.

Running my own business means I need experience in business industry. The Korean Government Scholarship would allow me to study in Korea, a country who has gained robust growth in the business industry. The development in the Korean business industry continues to grow over the years. The KGSP would also be an aide for me to not only broaden my knowledge of the field but also gain an understanding of the Korean business ideology and help me develop my skills that would be of help for m in achieving my goal of becoming an effective business leader.

South Korea has been known to have an education setting of high quality. That is one of the reasons why I decided to study in Korea. Studying in a country whose educational setting is conducive to learning would help me focus more on my studies. Aside from the quality of education, I have been interested in the Korean culture - its cuisine, language and music. As I become more immersed in the Korean culture, I started studying the language independently. A new country means new a new environment and experiences. If given the chance to be accepted in the program, I would be able to interact with Korean businessman and mentors that will help me widen my perspective of the field and introduce me to new opportunities that would help me in achieving my goal.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Feb 22, 2017   #2
For your professional experience, there are number of changes that you have to make. For starters, you need to separate the two work experiences. That is because they fall under different work titles and as such, need to be expanded in relation to your interest in the masters degree individually. You must also mention the company that you worked for and the inclusive dates, plus your work description and how it applies to your interest in higher studies.

For your current work experience, you again, need to provide the name of the company, when you started, and how your current position at this company has pushed you to enroll in a masters degree course. If possible, relate your motivation for higher studies in Korea. What makes you think that graduating with a masters degree from a Korean university will help you in this line of work? So Korea has a fast growing business industry. How does that relate to your own profession? How will you benefit from your exposure to Korean education and the lifestyle as a student based in Korea?

We can start the corrections to your essay with these more important points. The minor points can be fixed later on. After we clean up your professional experience information.

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